The Potions Master and I

Chapter 6

It was only until I stumbled down the stone steps leading to the dungeons that I realized that breakfast was at 7. So if I was getting here at 6, I probably would not be eating.
I don't think Professor Snape was cruel enough that he would intentionally starve me, though I wouldn't put it past him. I think he just probably did not consider breakfast at all. His slender frame and tired eyes could indicate he wasn't a huge eater.
Sadly I had not slept well at all last night. Whether it was my anxieties, or being in a new place, I had experienced the worst dreams I had ever had.
It's not that they were nightmares necessarily, though I had woken up in a cold sweat, heart pumping, adrenaline coursing through me. The dreams had startled me so much that I was shaking as I shot up from my sleeping position, sheets tangled and clutched in my grasp, my knuckles turning white.
They just seemed so vivid, so real. I could never completely make out who was in my dream, but I knew that I was there with somebody who meant a great deal to me. I felt love and bliss like never before. Everything was right in the world like this entity completed me. All I remember were dark flashes out of the corner of my eye as we walked through what must have been a forest. It all seemed far away now but I recalled trees and some lush greenery.
I awoke with a start, all of those deep emotions coming to the surface and I felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest as the dream vanished. I was so overwhelmed with the loss of that person, whoever they were it was as if I was mourning. It took me several minutes to realize that it had not been real and for my breathing to slow. I tossed and turned for an eternity before finally falling back into a restless sleep. I'm not sure what had bothered me more, the unusual nature of the dream, or the fact that I wanted to have it again.

I yawned outside of the potion master's door, trying to get myself together before knocking, but the door flew open on its own. I jumped, but composed myself quickly and entered, finding Snape exactly where I had left him the night before. It looked like he hadn't moved at all. Like he had been scribbling at his desk for hours. His sleepy eyes had dark circles under them, which was not uncommon for him. He had always looked exhausted and like he never rested. But in the dim light of the candles, he looked more hollow and weary than usual. For the first time since yesterday afternoon when he had yelled at me, he looked in my direction. Bringing a steaming cup to his thin lips, he raised a regal, dark eyebrow, assessing me.
I probably looked a mess. In my attempts to get here on time all I had been able to do was dress in my simple black muslin dress and shawl. I hadn't even bothered to check the rest of my appearance as I was sure he wouldn't glance at me. But of course, the Slytherin was unpredictable.

"You are on time." His deep and smooth voice drawled. "Trying to impress me?" His other eyebrow went up, as he stood, the classic smug expression appearing.
I was usually unable to form coherent sentences when faced with difficult situations, and the lack of sleep wasn't helping much either. I stared back dumbly causing him to scoff.
"Despite your inability to speak, you somehow did fairly well at sorting my cupboards. How you managed that I'm not sure." He said suspiciously. "Sort the storage closet. And again ask me no questions. I do not wish to be bothered." With a sharp and rigid point towards the corner of the room, he sat back down, consumed yet again by whatever it was he was working on.

Thankful for the refuge of the closet, I got to work. It was mostly filled with dented and worn cauldrons which took forever to get situated. Next, there were knives and scalpels, pestles and mortars that had been separated all over the place. There were also cracked beakers and glassware that needed sorting. I spent hours going through everything, making sure I did my best. As I was tossing a nearly shattered measuring cup, I was hit with an epiphany. Though Snape usually made his students put away the equipment they used, he would have NEVER let them get away with leaving it in such a state. He would have their heads before letting them make such a mess of the storage room.
Furthermore, even if the students from the previous year had been to blame, why didn't he just use his magic for all of this? Or why didn't he let ME use magic for all of this?
The old git had done this on PURPOSE!
I was becoming angrier by the second. It was only day 2 and he was already playing mind games with me. Merlin, I was so stupid. What was I going to do?
Thank goodness for the cover of the closet. I was able to make all the nasty faces I wanted.
I spent the rest of my time envisioning what it would be like to give him a piece of my mind. How dare he play me for such a fool! I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, but Snape was not a merciless man. And though he might not be manipulating me outright, I had had it happen to me enough times in my life to know that's exactly what he was doing. He was just dipping his toes in the water.
The rest of the week continued much the same. I came in at 6 every morning, he barked an order to complete some menial task that I knew he was just giving to get me out of his hair, and I sucked it up and did it as best I could. I grew angrier and angrier by the day. This was not what I anticipated when I imagined becoming the master in a trade. I knew you had to start somewhere but he was treating me like a lowly house-elf. Just as they deserved better, so did I. But was I going to do anything about it? No. That just wasn't who I was. Confrontation scared me no matter if it was I initiating it or someone else. I would keep the way Snape's treatment made me feel to myself and allow him to keep degrading me. I was too much of a wimp and there was too much riding on my behavior. And he knew it. Despite all of this I had a deep desire to impress him. To be the one person who finally gained his admiration and maybe make him not so miserable. My stupid conscience and need for acceptance were crippling. It would be so much easier if I could just hate him.

Thankfully after I would leave the dungeons I would be greeted by all of my peers and all the professors who seemed happy to see me. I took solace in their kindness and budding friendships. Cedric and I were spending every evening either walking the grounds or in our special room. Occasionally others would join us, but only for our walks. My confidence around all of them was growing, a stark difference from what I was like below ground.

It was also very interesting to spend so much time with all of the staff. I grew up knowing them, but speaking with them every day without tons of other students, and also as an adult bore a new type of relationship that I was honored to share with them. With the weekend approaching, I was excited to spend time with the other apprentices, as well as get some much-needed time to myself. But I was already dreading Monday morning and the burden to please Professor Snape with my useless work. 
The strange dreams persisted as well. It was the same dream as my subconscious was on a loop. I woke up at the same time every night, the same awful feelings crashing over me as I attempted to calm myself and go back to sleep. I was beginning to grow fearful of what they meant... strange dreams in the wizarding world were not usually a good thing. With everything else going on I just wanted it to go away. I decided to not look into it. Telling someone would only cause them to worry and I couldn't stand the attention it would bring. So just like my other problems, I chose to wait it out and sweep it under the rug. After all, they were only dreams. Right?