The Wolf Pack

Chapter 72

TRIGGER WARNING

This chapter deals with PTSD, Depression and there is GRAPHIC DESCRIPTION of attempted su!cide.

I have dealt with depression myself and a lot of the internal monologue might be triggering. Please read with discretion.

If you are dealing with su!cidal thoughts or SH thoughts of any kind please seek help from your national hotlines.

The world is shit, but you are not the reason why. You are loved and you would be missed.

Take care.

...........................

Kriari sat cross legged on the floor, right in the middle of the devastated hallway. She closed her eyes and let herself be swallowed by The Force. She could feel herself drifting, crossing, unable to prevent the shift.

"You have basic psychology training, don't you, Rex?" Kriari asked.

"Yes Commander." He responded hesitantly.

"Good" she said, knowing that it would not be long before she needed someone to seriously intervene.

It had been a while, but Kriari had never been able to get rid of the nightmares. Guilt followed her around like a storm over her head, and her body felt heavier than ever. Ever since Geonosis, life had lost color, the war had long lost purpose, and thus her life had become bleaker. She knew she had support, and people who genuinely cared for her, but if she were to be honest, the people around her were the only reason she was still there.

Kriari knew what depression was, but this felt different. Her lack of capabilities as a leader, her lack of experience and her nonexistent control over her emotions made her unfit to lead. And she knew it. She was not supposed to be leading men into battle, she had always known that, and the names on her skin were constant reminders of her own failure.

She knew that she would no longer be a Jedi when the war ended, but she didn't know if she would live long enough to find out what she would do. Some nights, she rather welcomed the idea of not having to figure it out. She was no longer fit to be a Jedi, she probably never had been. What would she teach her own Padawan? How to fight wars?

What was the point then?

Was there a point for her to still be sticking around?

Wolffe, the love of her life, would be dead in a few years. Both her masters and Ahsoka would remain Jedi, and there was no longer a place in the Dune Sea for her, not anymore. Art would live a happy life, free from the constraint of the GAR.

It was a matter of time before she was left completely alone.

Maybe it would be better if she just disappeared.

Few would mourn her, but they would eventually move on.

The Clones would get better command than a teenager that was just figuring shit out as she went.

If she wasn't there, everything would eventually start to go better for everyone.

Obi-Wan and Plo Koon would no longer have to babysit her. Wolffe would be sad, but he would die soon anyway.

Ahsoka would miss her, but they hadn't seen each other in so long, she would most likely barely feel her loss.

Few would miss her, if any at all.

"Commander?" Rex's voice sounded far away, but she could feel him just a few feet away.

If Kriari hadn't been there, Florrum would have been different. Khorm would have been different. Geonosis would have been different. Ord Anlata would have been different.