I've done something about it.
I talked with my psychologist
For the first time since before summer.
After listening to everything I had to say,
She gave me three objectives.
1. Work on worrying less about other's problems,
Because they end up overshadowing mine,
And bringing my stress levels to the max,
Causing them to burst through panic attacks.
2. Try find a routine with food.
Not something strict and tough,
But enough to get me to eat a certain amount.
She did say she saw I lost weight, although I didn't notice it.
And finally
3. Telling you what's been on my mind.
The fears I've had and have,
Explaining myself and my feelings better,
And showing you that I've been hurting too.
So I did it.
I sent you a letter with everything in it.
And like I knew you were going to say,
And like my psychologist said you might say,
You said:
"This doesn't change anything to me.
What's done is done.
You go on with your life, I go on with mine."
But instead of being distraught.
I replied with the truth:
"I know it doesn't change anything to you,
But it changes to me.
I needed to send it.
Life goes on anyway."
Because I found that life does go on anyway.
Why be plagued by the past,
And what you didn't say,
When you can say it in the present?
It doesn't undo what I've done,
But it takes a huge weight of my chest.
As if the fear monster,
That had found home in my heart,
Had finally undug its claws.
The day after I sent the letter,
I found myself dancing in my room,
Starting a new series I've wanted to watch for a while,
Picking up some old, unfinished projects.
I ate my first proper meal in a long time.
And this morning I woke up hungry.
I ate my first proper breakfast in a while,
I opened my computer,
And I wrote this.
I still feel the tears coming,
As I write these final words,
But I think they're more
Tears of liberation.
For while love and pain
Walk hand in hand,
I've decided to walk with them,
Down the path that is my life.
Fear isn't holding me back anymore.
I can finally go on.
I'm free.
YOU ARE READING
The Healing Project
RomanceIF FOUND: Feel free to read, then please return to Luke Gray. This is Luke's private journal. The key contents? Pain, love, loss, and reflection. His message to the world: Remember, one decision changes everything. Follow him down a rabbit hole of t...
