TWENTY NINE; LOVESTRUCK LOSER

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If there was ever one word capable of invoking the absolute fear of god into me it would be penalties

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If there was ever one word capable of invoking the absolute fear of god into me it would be penalties.

I just didn't bode well under pressure. All of those eyes watching me in the stands, floodlights putting me under a spotlight, everyone relying on my score to win the game, it made me nervous.

So nervous I would overthink the whole shot and completely fuck it up.

The faces up there all merged into one big blur of colour. Only one stood out. A single person in the crowd caught my attention above all the rest, every time.

She came to every game, sat in the same seat each week, hands wrapped around a coffee cup as usual, eyes flaming with competition, betting so fiercely on us to win.

God, I'm such an idiot.

For three weeks I lay awake trying to think of ways I could bump into her. I practiced asking her to hang out and could never get the vocabulary right without making it sound like I wanted to ask her on a date.

Maybe that's exactly why I couldn't get the wording right, because I did want to ask her out on a date.

Like a lovestruck loser, I changed my routes around campus to ones I knew she specifically walked.

I tried to get changed super fast after my games because that was always the one place I could count on her being, so us bumping into each other then would've seemed natural.

I thought about asking Olive for her number but then I changed my mind because that's childish not to mention creepy.

Then my chance finally came around and I couldn't believe it.

She walked into that library and my heart did summer-salts. I thought I was imagining it. All of that practicing and preparation but in the moment I just forgot how to act, what to say, what to do.

I sat there, robotic in my chair typing out the alphabet over and over again to make it seem like I was working hard.

She ignored me, she wasn't interested.

Either that or, neither one of us knew how to address the other. It was awkward and I got nervous which naturally, made me cocky.

Here I was trying to play it cool, fixated on my ABC's and what happens?

I end up breaking her laptop.

I felt so incredibly guilty that I rushed straight to trying to fix the problem instead of acknowledging what I did wrong and apologising for it.

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