Beyond Words

First

My Zaira Leigh,

September is the month for you and our eldest, Larzene. Happy birthday my wife. We should be celebrating your birthday on this day, but I can't ignore the fact that this is the most painful day for me almost a year ago. You suddenly left me. You suddenly leave me hanging.

I kept asking Him why too early? You haven't seen them yet to graduate with flying colors and with a high position in DVG. We both should witness how they grew up like a fine woman and a tough man. But, you let go. I should say that they were great with their academics. Currently,  Larzene finished her third year in college as the Dean's Lister in Roosevelt College of Theater and Arts. While our youngest, Lexus graduated as the valedictorian of their batch. Great achievements, isn't it? You should've witnessed it. I am so proud for the both of them, wife. I'm sure you are too.

I even bought a gift for you. Even though you can't use it, I still want to have a present for you, wife. This is your special day. We're supposed to have cakes, special dinner...but, knowing you, you just wanted a simple celebration: stay-in celebration and just to have a sweet bonding with the family.

Maybe, after that celebration, we're going to head to our room and we ended up making love.

Still remember the brand of bags you wished to have when you're pregnant with Lexus? I bought them for you - on your special day. You're collection of bags were still in that particular room where you wished to put it. You even told me that I will let Larzene use them whenever they want to. She was happy about it, wife. She even promised to take care of them.

I am having trouble with Lexus, wife. Please help me with him. I can't help but to admit, his attitude was like mine. It's like I'm dealing with my younger self. I should know how to handle this...but, it's hard. So hard. I should know what to do with him...at least tell me in my dreams on what to do? Please?

Again, happy birthday, my wife. I love you. And I will be dealing with a cold and empty bed for tonight again.

-X.M. Del Valle

I folded it into two the sheet of paper and inserted it in the envelope. I marked it as first. I suddenly decided to make letters for her and maybe this is my way to release my bereavement on her. I stood up and turned of the lamp on my office table and make my way towards the room of our kids. I checked them and I was glad that they were already sleeping soundly.

This is what Zaira is doing every time she is going to sleep. So, I decided to do it also.

I opened the door of our room and I took a sharp intake of breath when I suddenly saw her checking on the bag that I bought for her today. Was it my imagination?

"Z-Zaira..."

Umangat siya ng tingin at nagmamadaling pumunta sa akin para sa isang yakap. My eyes widened when I felt it real.

"Ang ganda ng binili mo, Hub!" I smiled and let my tears fall...

...but when I was starting to lift my arms around for a hug...you suddenly disappeared -- leaving me with my head bowed and endless tears.