Say My Name | Seongjoong

11

Seonghwa didn't get much sleep.

It wasn't like he didn't want to sleep, or someone was keeping him up. No, it was rather his thoughts. Ever since the thing with Mingi happened, he hadn't been able to sleep for a good two days or so.

He didn't know what it was, he just didn't feel welcomed anymore, despite how the others had been really nice to him. He knew there was a reason as to why Mingi behaved that way, but he sort of hoped all of them had forgotten who he was, and took him as part of the crew instead. Clearly, everyone but Mingi did. He didn't really blame him, despite the fact that. Knowing Mingi didn't have the best history with Prince's, and although he technically didn't know why, he still respected it nonetheless.

It was just not a nice feeling, he wanted to be liked, he wanted to be accepted, and although he hadn't really proved himself worthy of being on the ship, he still hoped. So for two days or so, he hadn't been able to sleep much, overthinking and just generally thinking too much about what was going on.

As he stood up from his bed, it was still pretty early, based off of the sky, and the sun. It hadn't even risen yet, which was why he could tell it was still pretty early. He didn't even know what he could do. So instead of trying to think about a lot of things, he decided to tidy up the small cabin. He made his bed, folded his clothes and dusted off the place. Seonghwa generally still didn't know his way around on this ship. But as he went outside, as quiet as possible, because he guessed none of them were up at this hour. His eyes were sore, trying to see in the darkness. But at some point he found the staircase up to the deck.

He remembers the last time he was up this early. Joong had joined him on the mast, and he genuinely had a fun time. But today might just be different. Obviously no one was up at this hour, no one should be up at this hour no matter who they were. That was just pain. He rubbed his eyes as he sat on a bench, made so that he could look out on the ocean, and lean his hands and head on the edge of the ship. And as he did exactly that, he admired the view. It was still early, and the sun had barely shown it's surface on the water yet, but he knew that if he stayed like this for at least an hour more, he would be able to see the sunrise yet again. It was probably one of the most majestic things he had ever witnessed in his whole entire life.

He had a lot to think about, but currently he just felt like admiring the sunrise, whenever it was going to happen. Seonghwa knew there were a lot of things he still needed to correct, like his behavior, how he thinks he can just roam free on this ship, while he knew he was no prisoner. He did in fact beg them to take him with them at first, so he was neither pressured or kidnapped. He knew his parents would most likely go out of their way to say that he was kidnapped, due to how they usually acted. But some part of him also kind of thought that they just didn't care about him anymore. He knew he was the only one to the throne next, but what was stopping them from just choosing a random villager to be the next king? He didn't know.

Sometimes, he really did think about how his parents reacted to the fact that he took off with these so-called pirates. He wondered, because in the first place, they didn't really see him as their son to begin with. It was a sad thought to think about, but Seonghwa knew he had to come to terms with it at some point. He really wouldn't be surprised if they had found a replacement for him at this point. He was the biggest disappointment, and he knew that. It wasn't like he could hide from it, no, he knew he had to embrace it at some point, because despite everything, his parents truly didn't care about him. Without even realizing it, he was shedding tears again. He was glad no one was up at this hour.

Sitting and reflecting on his past with his parents, he slowly, yet surely fell asleep in the position had been sitting in for a while. Arms on top of the edge, head leaning on top of his arms and as he relaxed even more, he fell asleep. He didn't mean to, as he would have loved to watch today's sunrise. But he knew he needed the sleep, especially after days of not being able to sleep. Due to the problems with Mingi and his parents still kind of keeping him up. But as his eyes closed, heavy from no sleep, he smiled to himself. Maybe this new life was going to be alright. That's at least what he hoped.