May we always meet again

Chapter 34

Clarke's POV

"I think there's one more thing I need to tell you..." Raven looked at me and I tried not to imagine the worst right away. I mean, I could still kind of explain a wedding and there was still a small chance Lexa would forgive me, but if there was more going on... I didn't even want to think that far.

"Please say it's because she threw up all over herself and that's why she's not wearing anything anymore... I still have my clothes on after all..." That was very plausible, wasn't it?

"Clarke again. You have them AGAIN, on." Momentarily, I turned pale. Please don't! This couldn't be happening! It couldn't be possible. I loved Lexa with everything I was, with all my soul.

"Are you saying?" Even before she answered I let my shoulders drop, knowing what was coming. There was no excuse in the world that would make up for what I had done. I would lose her. Fear constricted my throat, my heart grew heavy and I wished so much that it was all just a bad nightmare, but I didn't wake up, no one took me in their arms, calmed me down and told me that everything was fine, it was just a bad dream that wouldn't come true. No, I was living this nightmare and I had constructed it myself. The only person to blame for my misfortune was myself.

"That I would have liked to have had headphones. You're just wearing something again because you were cold." Raven hadn't said all she had to say before my world finally shattered and I heard the discs hit the floor that must have once been my heart. Lexa would never forgive me for this. She would call off the wedding, move out of the apartment, and banish me from her life. Wherever she went, my heart would take her, just like all our future plans. Everything in me screamed that all I had to do was not confess it to her and my world would remain intact, but I knew full well that my guilty conscience would catch up with me and torment me. It wouldn't be fair to her to have to live a lie and if she ever found out, she would never trust me again. There was no solution to this problem, at least not an easy one. No magic would put me out of my misery, because how realistic was it to find a cave of wonders in the next few hours that just happened to have a lamp with a genie in it? Somehow I didn't expect to succeed.

"Raven? I think it's time to find out who my wife is. Maybe she can shed some light on the darkness." She nodded at me and we tiptoed over to the bed, which was actually silliness since we were going to wake her up anyway. I nodded to my best friend, who looked at me, disturbed, before pointing my head to the sleeping girl. She understood and shook her head vigorously in response, pointing her hands at me instead, which in turn made me wave my hands defensively. We were about to continue arguing silently when all of a sudden the door to our hotel room swung open and Anya came at us with 4 coffee mugs.

Stunned, we looked to her. "What are you making faces about? Who died?" Raven motioned for her to be quiet and pointed to the one lying in bed.

"Is she still asleep?" We must have looked at her like two idiots, because Anya started laughing loudly. "Why are you looking like that?"

"You know who that is?" I wanted to know, that and why I was still alive. I mean, why was she laughing instead of strangling me while she put me through a meat grinder? Why was she so relaxed? She was supposed to be raving and screaming, I could handle that much better than a boisterous Anya. Did I have to worry about her state of mind?

"Well, sure, don't you? Why didn't you just wake her up?" she looked questioningly at the sleeping girl and my confusion increased. This was all weird, totally surreal, and made no sense at all.

"Would we look like that if we knew? And we were about to. We just didn't dare before." I shrugged, trying hard to calm the circling thoughts.

Anya only laughed harder, but bit her tongue a little to keep the volume down. "Does that mean you don't remember yesterday?" We nodded and took the coffee mugs out of her hand for safety's sake, before she made a mess of the beautiful carpet from laughing so hard. "I told you to stop drinking, but you wouldn't listen to me." Again, soft laughter came out of her mouth.