Sweet Cheater - Minsung

Chapter 29

Minho has always been a little bit unstable when it comes to his feelings. He doesn't have a good grip on his emotions, not at all.

It all started after his mom's death. He was still a child after all, and such an event would break anyone, rip them to the core. Just like Minho. He was wrecked, and still is.

"Hello Minho, do you understand why you are here?" The woman said, sitting at her desk and looking at the little boy in front of him, who blinked at her repeatdly

"Dad says you're a doctor for the head" Minho responded shyly, looking blankly at her.

"Exactly, I'm going to help you with your problems, okay?" She said again, as she watched Minho nodding.

His father got worried for his child. When they had to say goodbye to his wife, he started noticing a strange behavior coming from Minho. He first put it on the behalf of grieving. But as time passed, he quickly understood that Minho's habits weren't normal.

After the funeral, he stopped crying, completely. Minho started blanking a lot. He was completely disconnected sometimes, he would lose himself into his emotions, not able to release them, not able to understand them. He wouldn't answer, he wouldn't be there.

He had derealization moments.

He started acting, without even understanding what he was doing, without really knowing why he was doing it, he wouldn't even live them. But he would do things. And realize it after, never able to remember the reason he did those things.

"Minho, why did you break that plate?" His father asked in shock, as he looked at the little boy in front of him, who had no expression on his face.

"What? Which plate?" Minho asked, confused, as he looked down, seeing pieces littering the ground. He frowned.

"Minho..."

That event got him into tons of therapy sessions, which Minho dreaded. He started going there a bit too much, his dad was scared that Minho could do things that endangered him.

It started getting worrying when Minho took the bus for school. He would have derealizing times, making him miss his stop, and he would end up at the other side of the city, completely lost. He would call his dad in a panic, not knowing how to go back, not understanding why he ended up there.

His therapy sessions were harsh for him. He immediately felt like something was wrong with him, and there wasn't any 'medication' that could be prescripted to him. He simply had to talk with that woman, when he couldn't even understand why he acted like he did.

People at school would look at him like he was some kind of freak.

They heard about him having therapy, which was hard at someone his age. Some kids would pick on him because he wasn't 'normal', others would look at him weirdly when Minho froze randomly.

The first person he met that didn't look at him like the weirdo he was, was Jisung. Jisung never knew about Minho's condition, he was too ashamed of it to tell him. He didn't specifically hide it, he simply didn't say anything about it. He didn't want the latter to be worried.

But he loved how the younger one never really cared about how he was. Minho supposed that Jisung had seen him disconnect sometimes, but he would laugh it off, or wake him up, and that's it.

Minho doesn't know why he did cheat on Jisung, why he hurt him so much.

His father had put the supposition of his derealization in the table when he explained to him he cheated on the latter, but Minho denied.

"I can't remember why I did that, but I think I was conscious, wasn't I? And I did it two times, it couldn't be that, right? That was something I did, I think" He would answer, as if he was questioning himself.

Truth to be told, he wasn't sure.

But there is two things he knew for sure:

He would never blame his mental instability for his actions. Even if it does have something to do, which he doesn't know for sure, he maintains responsible for his acts as an individual

He feels hatred towards himself. He feels weirded out by the others. He feels like an outsider, and hates himself for that.

Minho doesn't know how to act when something bad happens to him.

He likes to let himself rot when things intensely happen around him. It is what happened when Jisung broke up with him, and it is what he was doing since the latter rejected him.

He likes to spend too much time in his bed, and avoid eating, because he feels like suffering, something he thinks he deserves.

It's times like this that triggers even more derealization. Chan would sometimes find Minho in the kitchen, standing up and not moving at all, as he passed by him and tapped his shoulder, waking him up completely. Minho would then blink, and go back to whatever he was doing, leaving a confused Chan there.

Nonetheless, he doesn't want to attract attention. He doesn't want his dad or Chan to be worried, so he tries to seem as normal as possible.

But he isn't, he's suffering.

His escape eventually became dance.

His only way of venting, and to hurt himself. He would close himself in his dance studio for hours long, during an insane and unhealthy time, pushing his body to his biological limits.

And Jisung could see the pain in his eyes each time they crossed paths at JYP.