It's not death it's art

I am not yet dead

Life is fleeting we all know that based on what my brother does. As he gives everyone his inside thoughts. Life is fragile. Yes I knew that first hand. Whether because of my own life by helping Dexter through his. And it also becoming mine as well. Every breath has the potential to be our last. That's a lesson that I've learned every time Dexter kills someone. That they can be peaceful but from what I've seen just by Dexter alone that they're usually violent. Like today. It is never what you think it's going to be. This morning Cody and Dexter are in the bathroom flushing down a dead goldfish while Rita Astor and I are in the kitchen I'm working on breakfast with Rita while she and Astor are trying to decide what cake there should be for her birthday. And now Dexter and Cody have joined us. He wants Angel's food cake. She says no he doesn't get a vote because it's for her birthday. I asked her if I could make a suggestion. I said unless you don't like chocolate you can never go wrong with chocolate. (In our house mine and my dad's moto on sweets is "if it's not worth it's not worth it."

But that's just me. It's still totally up to you Astor it is for your birthday. As the kids were talking about cake and eating breakfast Rita went to go talk to Dexter about the fish. And thanked us for coming over early this morning to deal with the death. As Dexter shudders and I roll my eyes. Ok you guys have a seat she told us this is your reward for coming over this early. It's ok Rita Dexter is an early riser and I have to get to class anyways. The kids were wondering if they can maybe take part in my art class at some point since we have so much fun doing the projects with them. Like it's a whole process. The night before Jack and I go to the studio and try out the art projects on each other if they're those kinds of art projects and other times we make them and see how well the kids would be able to make them. Would it take them too long is it to hard for them. How long does it take us?

And then we make the instructions during lunch the next day. After my class with his dad. And then once we've had class and we Dexter and I are asked to come to the house I get to the art projects with them. I know that Dexter doesn't get it. The whole birthday thing. Celebrating another year of life to him always feels forced but he'll do it for me because he wants me to have a normal life. And then Dexter got a call. Dispatch! I had never seen Dexter look so nervous before. What's wrong? I ask him. Sorry guys we gotta go. As far as the kids went Astor decided she wanted coconut. And hoped us girls could bond over making the cake together. If I had the time. We got into Dexter's car and he told me that the crime scene was at the auto salvage yard. Aka the same place Dexter just did his last killing. Everything happened in slow motion including us carefully getting out of the car. How could his crime scene be their crime scene? Dexter never leaves any evidence. He's so clean about everything!

Dexter would tell you that some people crave control over a random chaotic world and yes that makes sense and he is one of those people as am I. While others give up that control to avoid taking responsibility. The people he kills. As for Dexter control means survival and he has just lost it. Dexter feels he shouldn't had killed them both that taking risks was for ordering sushi not when you murder someone. Then he looks over at me. I shake like a leaf. Not because I'm scared of Dexter and knowing what he did there but because if there was enough evidence that pointed to Dexter having killed them what happens to me?! He keeps me safe. He saw this. He sees I'm scared. And feels it's his fault. He never wants to see me as scared as I did back then like a deer caught in headlights unable to move or breathe. My sister is scared that's my fault. I know I shouldn't had killed them both but I also knew I'd do it again in a heartbeat just make different choices to avoid this part. I have the dark urgers my sister tries to suppress hers if she has them it's not as bad as mine hers is slightly normal ish. I mean there are of course those people you hate in your life that you want to see dead but that doesn't make you a sociopath or a killer. Farrah has too big of a heart to be a killer. Unless it benefited me. She would kill James or Maria or Vincent if they were on to me. But once those people were gone so would probably her urge to kill. But me we were born of blood and it affects people in different ways.