It's not death it's art

Putting the pieces together

It's hard having a serial killer as a brother and not for the reason you think. I don't have a problem with his work though I wish our father would've gotten him help a long time ago instead of encouraging this behavior and turning him into a killer. He was only killing animals when dad found out the truth. He could've just let him be. Taught him more about hunting instead of killing people. Even if they deserve to be dead. So that they couldn't hurt me. But he's a morning person. For the love of G-D the serial killer thing I could handle and have been since I first learned his secret but he's a morning serial killer. Because he also had to hunt his victims and stalk them so that by evening they were dead. Not that I also didn't have classes to be at myself or my photography job with the police and I tag along and help set up and help clean up.

But no one needs to be up at the crack of fricken' dawn. That's cruel and unusual. It makes me feel like I'm being punished and that's against the 8th amendment. Not that Dexter cares. He is after all a serial killer. I feel like if I keep reminding myself that my brother is a serial killer it would click and not sound so insane yet so normal of a thing in my life. "Yes this an old watch had it many years but yes that is also today's date I tried to make reality bend so that both of those statements would be true." *Maybe I did that little backwards but it still fits* It's something insane and normal in my life that my brother is a serial killer. I'm trying to bend my reality to make both those statements true. (If you don't get the joke it's a John Mulaney joke. From his Baby J Netflix movie).  Whatever ok you get the point right?! I also wish we didn't live somewhere hot with tons of beaches but that's not something I choose.

But that's where we were walking along the boardwalk near a beach watching everyone else have fun. While I stick by Dexter and try and make him feel normal make him feel more human while I'm at his side. Like I said it was daybreak. We're walking along the boardwalk or whatever some people are rollerblading this should be a beautiful sight. I'm not a morning person it wouldn't appeal to me either way. Dexter also doesn't care for this himself. He thinks it should be beautiful and that it was if you're a part of it. But he's not them we're not them. We're not a part of their world. Dexter wants nothing more for me to be and that he tries to be himself. But we will never be those people. Even if it were Jack and I out there it wouldn't be genuine. And I think Dexter knows what I'm thinking. And he tells me he's sorry that he wishes I could live like that be one of those people that he wants me to still be innocent. That I don't have to help him that I could've turned him in a long time ago. And have you wind up killing me if I did that or me not growing up with your serial killer ways. I mutter through my teeth. Loud enough only he can hear me.

If you were like Jeremy I would've never grown up with you and I'd still be afraid but maybe you would be different you wouldn't had killed anyone they could've also helped you. Dad didn't he should've. And for that I'm sorry for you. Anyone else maybe would have by now wanted you to stop but I'm too far in this is my normal. It would be much too boring to have "normal" like everyone else. IDK how to do normal have a normal life whatever that is. Normal isn't as safe they don't know the dangers they don't know they could be killed just like that. But I had a cop dad and we have a sister that works as police technically we both do. Your girlfriend was abused and her husband is in prison. The only "normal" people thing I have in my life is Jack. I take classes that teach me more about you and the way you are and how to understand what you do and who you are. I act and I sing my "boyfriend" is my assistant teacher when teaching art classes and works at a smoothie place with his family. That and he's the perfect gentlemen. Remember at the funeral? The brother was saying that he didn't want anyone dating his sister but that the victim was the kind of person you want your sister to date. That's Jack.

Whatever you say Dex. You're the only person that doesn't make me feel like I'm alone but otherwise we walk through our days alone out here in the world trying to find our place in it. We don't have a place in it. Maybe you do but I don't. What are you talking about Dexter? Your my brother and my friend your connection to the rest of the world is me and protecting me from all the bad people out there just like dad said. I suppose your right little sister. Yep little sister I nod along. You ARE my little sister he lifts an eyebrow. Deb has decided that I'm the little sister now. Which I don't care about I can be the "little sister." I still look like I'm 14. Even though that was about 15 years ago. For us daybreak is another reminder that we're otherwise alone. You are the only person I can trust the only person in this world that connects me to everyone and everything else. Other than each other we are fully alone. But you don't have to be. You have Jack. He's not "mine." We're not a real couple. At least not with a label. To be perfectly honest IDK what we are. Then let it be whatever it wants. Just be happy. That's all I want for you little sister.