Against All Odds

Chapter 41

"I know this seems absurd," I told him, "but I receive a lot more engagement from readers and followers if the photos I upload actually have me in them." Tossing my cover up on the nearest lounger, I held my shoulders straight and scraped my hair to one side, out of my face. "I also... well, I like showing other people that my body's not perfect and if that helps someone else grow comfortable in their skin, then that's all that matters."

I dumped my hands on my hips, squaring off with him boldly. I refused to cross my arms around my waist or suck in my tummy, but the longer I stood before him with that camera primed in his hands the more I thought about the stretch marks visible on my hips and waist. I couldn't tell what he made of my diatribe, his expression carefully blank and unsmiling.

"Stels, I don't think this is absurd." His lips curled just the slightest and his gaze dipped, so briefly I scarcely caught the movement. "And I think you're the most desirable woman on the planet. You should have photos of you looking amazing plastered all over the place."

He could have smacked me across the face with a dead fish and I would have less of a reaction than I did to those words. A frantic pulse erupted throughout my body and it was all I could do to ignore the burn pricking the corners of my eyes. I sucked in a breath, and then managed a garbled, "Thank you," to which he grinned, all boyish and swoon-worthy with nothing on but his dark-coloured swimming trunks hanging low on his hips.

"Should we get this over with?" Killian asked, gesturing at the camera he held between us.

For the next thirty minutes or so, he endured me coaching him through various ways to set up the perfect compositional frame and shot. His patience with me was something to marvel at as I told him countless times over to take the photo again because I wasn't satisfied with something- a stray hair, the way my eyes looked squint, my smile was 'wrong'. He didn't criticise or show outwardly any vexations, occasionally huffing a laugh at one of my own critiques.

I posed in the pool and out the pool, lying about on a lounger, with a huge sun hat, and without a hat. Standing, sitting, yoga-posing... I think Killian must have endured me in a hundred different poses before I decided that was enough.

The sun had dipped past the horizon by the time we had concluded, casting the sky in a blaze of pinks and oranges juxtaposed against the aquamarine waters of the ocean laid out before us. Still wet from a recent plunge into the pool, I padded inside and snatched up the bottle of champagne that was still sitting in the ice bucket on the coffee table. Turning back to Killian, I offered him a smile and raised the bottle. "Sundowner?"

Killian hesitated, not looking at me as he set the camera carefully down on a table next to one of the loungers. When he straightened, his eyes held a level of seriousness that levelled the light mood of a few moments ago. "Are you sure you want me to hang around, Stels?"

Rationally, I knew it was a bad idea. Having Killian around me constantly was a bittersweet sort of ache. It wasn't helping me get over him, being overwhelmed by a weird driving urge to want him around all the time yet knowing nothing would ever come from it. It left me confused, wanting and horny.

But he had helped me today and I liked being around him.

Even if it was bad for me, I knew I wanted him to stay.

Just for a little while longer.

He was here, and so was I- that was irrefutable, for reasons from the universe I couldn't begin to fathom.

After today, I silently vowed, I would steer clear of him and allow my battered heart to heal over completely. But for now... I'd relish in its ache just by his proximity alone.