Against All Odds

Chapter 23

STELLA

"Another coffee?"

I glanced up at Sadie, my mind lost down a rabbit hole of situations. "It's decaf," I told her, dumping the kettle back in its place and giving the mug a quick stir.

"And you cleaned the kitchen?" Her eyes bulged when she took in the sparkling counters; the gentle whirr of the dishwasher heralding a miracle. The place was spotless and I looked around to confirm, proud that I had accomplished something that afternoon.

It may not have been a deadline, and it certainly hadn't been a decision when it came to Killian, but it was something. Turns out I am an anxious cleaner... which makes sense in a way. If I became too consumed by my thoughts and emotions, chances are I was always finding other ways to keep busy- travel, restaurants, hiking, driving.

And subsequently, cleaning.

"It was getting a bit much." I shrugged. Popping open the fridge, I found an almost empty carton of milk and used what was left for my coffee before disposing of the container in the recycling.

Sadie leaned on the counter, eyeing me sceptically. The seriousness of her expression was lessened by the bright green facial mask smeared onto her face- helpfully restorative and refreshing for her skin the night before her big day. Mia and Braylee sported similar masks where they sat in the lounge, flicking through TV channels. Snacks, soft drinks, and an array of food was spread about on the coffee table, and we had all changed into our pyjamas shortly after the guys had left, turning the evening into a good ol' sleepover that was reminiscent of how we used to hang out in each others' dorm rooms back in the day.

"Wanna tell me what's really going on or are you going to continue the bullshit cleaning spree into the bedrooms next?"

Sadie Gilmore- small yet spicy. I bit back a grin at her dry tone and came around the counter to pull out one of the tall, wooden bar stools, seating myself comfortably atop it while half-leaning against the high counter for support. "Just need to make a big decision," I told her, cradling my warm mug of decaf coffee between my hands. "It's been weighing on my mind lately and no amount of kale is helping."

She gave me a queer look at that. "About Killian?"

"No, about Dante's Inferno," I snarked. "Of course about Killian." I sighed, my muscles tensing with a whole lot of emotion at just the mention of the man. "I really don't want to be a mood killer the night before your wedding, Sades. Can we leave this for now?"

"Don't be absurd!" Sadie admonished, reaching out to jab me lightly against my arm. "There is nothing I enjoy more than your drama, Stella Huxley, so go on. Spill the beans- what decisions do you have to make about our Kills?"

I still hesitated for a moment, considering the earnestness in her deep brown eyes. But if anything, Sadie would be understanding and able to lend advice, knowing better than anybody else just how much Killian had affected me in the past. "I need to decide if there's a future for us after the wedding," I admitted, the words rushing out of me and landing into the open with heavy emphasis, like throwing pebbles into a still lake to shatter the serenity of the glass-like surface.

"OK," Sadie said contemplatively. She gnawed on her bottom lip, disturbing the ooze of the green mask covering her chin and cheek. "Walk me through this. What is stopping you from moving forward with him anyway?"

And just like that, all the doubts and insecurities came bubbling from me. I hardly knew how to start or how to explain, but the words began to fall from my lips as if unbidden. "It would be long distance, first of all, and everybody knows those hardly ever work out successfully. Not to mention that I don't even know where I am going to end up next month, let alone the next few years. Even if we did manage to make the distance bearable, when would we decide to make a more permanent move to be together? And where? Then, if we did do this, would the same issues from the past just crop up again? I can't be that girl... that nagging, demanding person, Sades. Pauline is never going to like me, and he didn't choose to stand up for me before. Is it going to be the same this time round?" I paused, running my fingers through my dishevelled hair and pushing my glasses into my bangs. "Then there's my job... I'm in a different country at least six times a year. Is there any time between that to make things work? What with my schedule and Killian's schedule, I'm not even sure." I wanted to mention that there was the added strain of Killian's father having cancer and what implications that would have for us. Though I had never outright had any issues with his dad, the man hadn't exactly warmed to me. And I was well aware of the pressure he placed on Killian in his youth. But I wasn't sure if Kills had divulged to the others yet of his father's cancer diagnosis, so I didn't want to voice that concern.