The unloved heart of Rae Wilson

Chapter 34

I love this house! Me too. So everyone is gone? They are. What do you wanna do? Kiss. We've been doing that all week. No we haven't! Matt laughed. I know. Should we? Up to you, consent first. Rae sat up and looked out the window. What are you doing? Consenting to the window. WHAT?? Rae snorted. I'm nervous. I am too. Oh you're pretty. That doesn't mean I'm not nervous just means I'm pretty. You're the definition of pretty privilege and I'm the girl who fakes confidence because I have "stuff" going on at home. What does that matter? I like you...I'm in love with you. Why? You can't shake or escape the feeling Rae that's all I can tell you. Okay Matt. Matt scooted up and looked at her. I feel you staring. I am , sorry. It's fine I get it. Rae looked at him. She leaned a little to kiss him. Matt grabbed Rae's waist and pulled her fully onto the bed as she laughed and gave into kissing him back.

Hey wake up, I made us grilled cheese. That's fancy, what do I have to do to make it up to you. Just eat with me. I'd love to...forever if I'm allowed. I don't think you'd wanna be with me forever. Of course I do. Okay. Rae sighed and took a bite of her food. You okay? No. Oh what is it Rae? My mom. She's dead. Yeah. Ah. We used to eat grilled cheeses and never get tired. I'm sorry she got tired and you know. That's okay. Rae put the food down and looked at Matt. Rae laid her head on his shoulder. Isn't it funny how much taller you are than me. I guess? It's like the tall people are supposed to protect the shorter ones but if my dad ever flinched at my mom I got in front of her, I was hit so she wouldn't get hit...I was so much shorter. Never thought about that. Yeah. She'll protect you. I'm sure she will. Matt stood up. Let's dance. To what? Jeff Buckley. Who? I'm gonna ignore your basic and brutal taste and just play it. Matt turned on "lover you should've came over" by Jeff Buckley. Rae grabbed his hand and danced with him.

My dad was funny...almost like too funny, couldn't even be a comedian just that funny. That's funnnn. He was fun. Matt. He got so sick and that wasn't even funny it just got tragic. That's terrifying. Him not laughing that was terrifying... we'd go to stand up comedies and try not to laugh but I don't know it always just broke him into laughter. Rae smiled. I miss him a lot and Ryan is being hurtful because of it but honestly I get it, he was her best friend. That's sad.. what about your mom? Travels. Oh. Yeahh she's in Greece right now. Does she know? Missed his service. What an. Asshole.....yeah I know. I wasn't gonna say it. Yeah you were. Rae smiled. This is a long song. An amazing song. I love it. Rae and Matt just held eye contact for a minute. Matt? Yes Rae. I don't think I'm in love with you. That's okay. Is it? I can't force it I can just feel what I do for you and accept whatever comes with it. I feel horrible. You should...I'm an amazing guy. Rae laughed. You're pretty and funny...pretty funny. Matt made an "god that was awful" face. Rae laughed. Matt moved in closer. I think I am in love with you. Good because I'd be crushed if you weren't. It'll be okay. Having hope. Exactly. The song ended. Thank you. For what? Being the girl I dreamed of. Well I AM perfect. That's very true. So are you. So am I.

Bye Matt. Bye Rae. She looked at him and kissed him. I'll never get tired of this. Me either. Matt headed home as Rae sighed going back in the house. She'd thought she clean to kill time because Po, Ro and Raul still weren't back yet. They went shopping for Raul's apartment but Rae didn't wanna go, she needed some space from them. Rae hoped she did her mom some justice...she felt like she was failing and nothing could change her mind but maybe it'll be alright...maybe it would be better and she wouldn't have to be scared anymore. Rae hated people and how they acted whenever you were there like her moms "friends" or family members at the service I mean Rae believed her mom was the strongest person ever especially for enduring abuse for that long you know...having hope for the man who was hurting her but not herself that made her the strongest to Rae, Rae also felt really strong for having to face her own brother and dad after the assault happened she didn't wanna do that and according to her no one did so she considered herself quite strong so she believed that this pain would pass not quick but in enough time.

So you're all moved in? I am I am BUT you're still not allowed to come over yet. I'll find a way. Raul smiled. If that's the case you don't get to meet Matt then. Are y'all even dating? Yes? She questioned herself. Well he has to physically ask you out or it's not real. But he's pretty. Pretty people ESPECIALLY have to do that because sometimes they're sluts. No slutshaming. I'm one of those pretty people. STILL! Okay okay I take it back but I AM right. Just go home. Raul walked into the house beside Rae's. Rae laughed. Never gets old. Goodnight sis. Night Rau. I love you. I love you too. Raul closed his door. Rae was happy that they resolved the assault situation. She always felt like he protected her ever since she was little. Maybe she felt like in that moment not even Raul could make her think differently so she just believed that she deserved it. She also believed that Raul was a good person but he didn't show it a lot because people made him uneasy. He didn't wanna waste his niceness on shit people.

Rae and Ro were in bed doing their nightly talk. Sissy I missed you today. I missed you too. I'm glad you got some time to yourself. Me too. And some with matttty. Rae rolled her eyes. Yes it was nice we kissed. I know you did. Shut up. She pushed him a little. Ro laughed. Sissy you make me feel better about things I didn't wanna talk about. Ro I'm so glad, I know I haven't been the best sister. I'm gonna stop whatever you're saying right now because you're the best sister. You think so? Of course. I am pretty cool. And you're strong. You're kind. You're my favorite sister. I'm your ONLY sister. Uh huh. Rae kissed ro's head. Night. Goodnight sissy!