2. mirrorball (a taylor swift au)

-chapter two-

Taylor didn't know why she noticed that.

"It was weird to us, when Violet was born, that she could just... sleep anywhere. Whether she was alone or with someone... we've never really had to sleep with her. It's odd," he shook his head. "I'll Sometimes hear Lottie cry in the middle of the night and I'll panic, thinking that she needs me, that she needs someone to comfort her... but she's perfectly capable of doing it herself in a way that Margot struggles with sometimes."
"It's like that with Jason," One of the other parents spoke up. "It's really hard because you want them to gain independence but you also need to comfort them when needed. And I think that being there... all the time... it's a way of soothing yourself too. Your fears and your anxieties about it."
"You don't want to coddle them, but it's hard because sometimes... sometimes they need to be pushed, even just a little bit. Sometimes we need to be pushed too, I guess." Another parent added.
Taylor was too nervous to even begin thinking of what she could add to the conversation. Glancing down at her hands on her lap, and sighed softly.
Of course, she'd expected to feel a little overwhelmed, but she was feeling slightly more than a little overwhelmed at this point.

This was all so new to her. She clenched her hands together, trying to stay calm. How was everyone so good at talking about their feelings? So open and honest about the things in their head? Taylor started picking at her fingernails, worrying about whether she was good enough. She wasn't good at talking about her feelings, and she did soothe herself by making sure that Ellie was okay all the time. Did that make her a bad parent? Did that make her silly? She felt her stomach knot, felt her chest tighten. Sure, she could get up and perform in front of a hundred thousand people, she could write award winning songs about her life and stories from her heart... but this scared her. This terrified her. She didn't like being open and honest with a group of people she didn't know. Especially because it was a topic that Ellie was so involved in.

"How are you feeling?" Derek pulled her aside after the group was finished talking and they were just waiting for the kids to finish up too. Violet was back at the cookie table again, which made Taylor laugh. She had these bright eyes, and the biggest smile that Taylor had ever seen.
"I'm..." She tried to find the right word to describe it. Tried to act like she wasn't panicking.
"Overwhelmed by it all?"
She nodded with a smile, but began to stress that someone had seen right through her. She thought she'd been doing a really good job at hiding it. "That just about sums it up."
"It's a pretty overwhelming thing - talking about our feelings like this as adults."
She agreed, "I haven't had to be this open in front of a group of strangers in many years."
He laughed. "You'll get used to it, I promise. I've met some of my... closest friends at this group."
"Does your wife come to the group sometimes?" Taylor asked, and watched a fleeting look of sadness pass across his face.
"She used to," he told her with a smile. "She used to be the one who remembered to put Margot's shoes on in the car. And the one who stopped Lottie from eating all of the chocolate cookies on the table. And she'd be the one who would explain things so perfectly in the group. I mean, I go to speak and all the words just fumble out of my mouth," he chuckled. "But she passed away a couple of years ago."

Taylor wanted to cry, wanted to slap herself for bringing it up. How could she be so stupid? How could she not tell that he'd flinched when one of the other parents brought it up earlier?
"I'm so sorry to hear that," she breathed. "That must be so hard for you - and the girls, too... but especially on you."
He shrugged, glancing over at Violet. "It was cancer," he almost whispered. "It was so hard on her towards the end... that it was better for her to not be in pain anymore. It was brain cancer, so it just... it took everything from her." Taylor could tell that he didn't necessarily believe all of this. That if he could, he'd still want his wife here.
"What was her name?" Taylor couldn't help but ask.
"Melody," he smiled as he said it. "You know, people think that I don't want to talk about her anymore because she's... gone... but it feels nice to say her name out loud sometimes. Anyway... enough about me. You told me that you had-"
"Daddddyyyy can we pleaseeeee have Ellie over for a play dateeeeeeee!" Margot skipped into the room, holding Ellie's hand. "Like right nowwwww!! Because she's like my absolute best friend in the whole wide world!"
Derek laughed, shaking his head. "I'm sure Ellie and her Mom have lots of places to be, Magpie."
Margot dramatically sighed. "Do you have places to be, Ellie's Mom?"
Taylor laughed.
"Margot," her father glanced apologetically to Taylor. "The offer is out there if you don't..."
"Would you like that, Ellie?" Taylor watched as Ellie's face lit up.
"Yes please!"
"Would you like to come back to ours?" Taylor didn't want to admit that she probably shouldn't go to another person's house, or that she'd probably have to tell her security and that she would probably... she felt guilty. There were just certain things that she couldn't do. She couldn't just go and have a play date with a random person she'd met an hour or so ago. So she offered the next best thing, for them to come around to their place. Derek didn't seem to mind.
"If that's okay with you, it's okay with me."
"Oh my gosh Margot you're gonna get to play on my jungle gym!" Ellie exclaimed, and Taylor's face softened. Her daughter was radiant.
"Can I give you my phone number and you text your address to me?" Derek asked.
The two of them exchanged phone numbers, before they headed out to the car.