2. mirrorball (a taylor swift au)

-chapter one-

Today was a big day for the two of them. It was one of the biggest days they'd ever had.

It was six o'clock in the morning, and Taylor was awake. Actually, she'd been awake since before the sun came up, woken by a nightmare.

Today was their first support group session. Ellie wasn't that bothered by it, Taylor had been very careful in taking the time to talk about it and answer her questions. Ellie was excited that she'd get to meet some new people - they'd stuck to themselves lately, but Taylor knew it was important for Ellie.

But still - it was Taylor that was the ball of nerves. She'd gotten up early enough that she could have an hour to herself. Ellie was still having nightmares most nights, so Taylor let her sleep in during the morning to try and let her catch up on sleep. For now, Ellie was alright with going to bed alone - Taylor often still had things to do before she went to sleep, and she'd try and have the little girl in bed by seven thirty, and Ellie would read quietly until she fell asleep. They still slept in the same bed, that wasn't an issue for Taylor.

Taylor put a coffee pod into the machine and pulled down a coffee mug from the cupboard. It was one that Blake had hand made for her at some pottery evening, it had little bumblebees all over it. Taylor loved it, and smiled every time she saw it. She ran her hands down her face, wishing she could go back to bed.

She was going to be meeting a whole bunch of strangers today. A whole bunch of other parents - and she was worried that they'd not like her. She was sure that they'd all have so much to say about her... about who she was. She'd worried about being liked by other people since she could remember... and it was something she particularly stressed about when Ellie was involved. It would be a whole bunch of adults that would know the ins and the outs of Ellie's life, or Taylor's life. She worried that someone might decide to try and make money off of her story. Of course, she'd talked to the therapist that was running the whole thing... and she'd said that the people at this support group weren't like that at all. But Taylor had lived her life long enough to know that people would betray her in a heartbeat. It terrified her how quickly it could get out. Of course, there'd been an NDA - purely based on the fact that Taylor hadn't wanted anyone finding out she was in Nashville.

Grabbing her coffee from the machine and adding in some milk, she left it on the bench as she began making breakfast. She was more anxious about today than she had been performing on a stage in front of thousands of people. Today was such an important day, and she knew that Ellie needed this.

She was making Ellie's favourite - eggs and bacon and hash browns. Taylor was so stressed about what today held. What it was going to mean. Would they all think she wasn't good enough to be a mom? Would they all wonder what the hell she was doing crashing their support group? Why she was there? Would they chase her away? Would there be news stories about her tomorrow? Would Ellie be okay? Would- Taylor shook her head. She had to stop thinking like this. She knew Ellie would pick up on it if she was like this when the kid woke up, so she forced herself to take a deep breath.

Ellie was hyper alert towards everything Taylor did, and that meant that Taylor put a lot of pressure on herself to be happy all of the time. Ellie being taken away had caused trauma for the both of them, and if Taylor was honest, she flinched just as Ellie did when there was a knock on the door. She panicked every day, even though she knew it was stupid. She knew that legally, Ellie was her daughter now. Legally, Ellie was hers... but that did nothing to stop the worry. It was in Taylor's genes to worry - and everything with Ellie had only exacerbated it. Her anxiety and panic levels were at an all time high - they were so bad at the moment.

It didn't help that the whole "fan" situation had reared its head again. She'd forgotten how nice it was with Joe - not facing that issue. Not having people constantly on the lookout for her. She just wished that she could go back to that time period. Of course she'd been aware that the Eras tour would put her front and centre of the public eye again but she'd forgotten just how frustrating that was. She'd had to install cameras in every room of the house, on just about every fucking tree of the property. She'd had panic buttons installed, as well as a safe room in the back of the closet in Ellie's room. Safety wasn't something she took lightly, especially now there was a kid involved. Of course she had always been worried about her own safety - her Dad had always been the one to ensure she was the safest she could possibly be. But now... now Taylor was petrified of something happening to Ellie because of her. Because of her job, her life and the people that were her "fans." She was terrified for Ellie's sake. She'd rather be over prepared than not prepared enough. She had a front door that couldn't be opened from the outside without a key, no matter the situation.