Carpe Aestatem (original)

Chapter 38

Jenna

We've been back in Ljubljana for about two days now, and we have five days until Zagreb. A nice little break. I was on the phone with Grant, telling him about Umag. "...and then Bojan KISSED my forehead. While I was on the verge of an anxiety attack." I told Grant.

"He WHAT?!" Grant said.

"And for some reason, it calmed me down. I don't know why. I've only known him for a week, so it felt weird but also I liked it too."

"Come on. You're the one who chickened out of AP Psych. Or that psychology elective. I remember you switched out of a social science class."

"Alright, now I wish I wouldn't have dropped it. It would seriously helped me decode that kiss. I have no idea what his motive behind it was."

"Was it perhaps that he likes you? Or out of friendship? Or maybe he was trying to calm you down?"

"It could be one of those three, or it could be something else. I still don't know."

"You may never know." Grant laughed.

"I've only known him for a week now, but he's starting to feel like an older brother to me. Or like a love interest."

"That is the first thing you've mentioned to me about love."

"I really haven't thought much about love until now. But with Bojan, it's a mix. He's a friend of mine now, but I don't want to cross any boundaries."

"And that kiss...?"

"I liked it, but I don't know how to process it. Anyways, when is Internationals?"

"July 20. In London."

"I'm trying to work something out with Joker Out to get you, Mom and Dad to come to the concert in London. What time's the competition?"

"I think it starts at 8am and ends at 5pm. What's time's your concert? Are you opening for them then?"

"We're not. We're just going to watch from backstage and come out at the end. And the concert is at 9pm."

"Okay. I'll tell Mom. And Mittens says hi."

"I just want to give her a massive cuddle right now."

"I'll give her a cuddle for you. I miss you!"

I hung up and headed to the sofa, where Ruby was curled up, and cuddled her for a bit. She licked my face and I gently kissed her. She reminded me of Mittens, although she was a completely different animal. Ruby was a dog, and Mittens a cat. But Ruby surely felt like Mittens.

***

Bojan, Martin and I had just finished an episode of Modern Family. And now we were a little tired. "Good night, Bojči!" I said.

"Good night, Jenna. See you in the morning."

I got into my bed and tried to fall asleep. But my mind was running in circles. Jenna, it was two days ago, stop fixating on it, I thought. I mean, that kiss...I didn't know what it meant, whether Bojan liked me or if he was trying to soothe me. Or if it was something else, like Grant had suggested. I was having a mini anxiety attack at the time, after all. I get those a lot now. I don't know why. Maybe it's a good thing my BFFs and I all deferred from UCLA.

I cuddled Buttons and Lulu and closed my eyes tightly. It didn't work. And then I grabbed my phone, put in my AirPods and listened to some music. Still didn't work. But I didn't want to wake Bojan again, though. But the thing is, I couldn't call Grant because he's at school right now. My parents were at work, so Bojan was my only option.

I got up out of bed and softly walked to his room and gently knocked on his door. "Can't sleep again, Jenna?" He asked.

"Yes."

Bojan opened the door and we walked back to my room. "I'm so sorry I woke you again..."

"You didn't wake me."

"I didn't?"

"I was just about to get into bed when you knocked."

"I thought you were asleep!"

"I wasn't. Anyway, come here."

He opened his arms wide and I hugged him tightly. "I'm so sorry I keep waking you. I am so sorry." I cried.

"Don't be sorry. It's okay. Shh shh shh. It's okay. I've got you. You're safe with me."

I hugged him tighter. "Don't hug me too tight or I won't be able to breathe." He laughed.

I gently loosened my grip on him. He stroked my hair. "You're really cute." He said, smiling.

"Thanks." I blushed a little and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Of course, my zvezdica."

"Zvezdica?" I asked, rubbing my eyes, which felt a little dry from the tears.

"It means 'little star'. And you are my little star. My zvezdica. You shine like a star, and I don't want to see anyone take that away from you."

"Not even my anxiety?"

"Even your anxiety. I've got you. It's okay."

I rested my head on his shoulder and he brushed my bangs out of my eyes. And then I got back into bed. "Do you want me to sing to you?" He asked.

I nodded, clutching Lulu and Buttons to my chest.

Bojan began to sing.

A sem ti povedal kdaj
A sem ti povedal kdaj
A sem ti povedal kdaj

A sem ti povedal kdaj, lako lepo dišiš mi
Kako žariš, ko pred spanjem govoriš mi
Da boš naredila vse, da ne pozabim te
In da bom jutri spet, zraven tebe zbudil se

Šepetaj mi koliko me hočeš
Ugrizni preden se odločiš
Dokler mi srce ne poči
Dokler ne ugasne noč

A sem ti povedal kdaj, igra si na srečo
Vdihneš me in pomiriš dušo drhtečo
Ko narediš vse, da ne pozabim te
Vem, da bom jutri spet zraven tebe zbudil se

Šepetaj mi koliko me hočeš
Ugrizni preden se odločiš
Dokler mi srce ne poči

(Šepetaj mi koliko me hočeš) Šepetaj mi koliko me hočeš
(Ugrizni preden se odločiš) Ugrizni preden se odločiš
(Dokler mi srce ne poči) Dokler mi srce ne poči
(A sem ti povedal kdaj)
(A sem ti povedal kdaj)
(A sem ti povedal kdaj)
(A sem ti povedal kdaj)

I looked into his deep brown eyes and smiled a little bit. He stroked my hair. "You feeling better?"

I nodded. "I am. I feel safe around you." I admitted.

His thumb stroked my forehead, and I started to close my eyes. "Sweet dreams, my zvezdica." He said, kissing my forehead and stroking it with his thumb.

I had no idea why I felt so safe around him, even through I've known him for a week now. And I was out like a baby when he left my room. I guess it's in the Cvjetićanin blood to be super calming.