𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

bouns: dream

"guys if she doesn't want to then, that's that." i attempted to shush them, but they continued and i realized i could no longer see cole up there, but before i knew it she was on stage.

i started running her way, almost tripping on a wire like typical me. we crashed into each other, tightly holding on and crying again. i haven't seen her in such a long time. she's been in italy, studying abroad for her masters degree. "how dare you go way for so long!"

"i know i'm sorry!" she giggled and cried. "but you're not innocent either."

"i know." i held her tighter as we rocked side to side. "god i missed you." i sniffled.

"i missed you too bumbass." she hiccuped. we both pulled away from the hug and actually looked at each other for the first time.

"how did you manage to get prettier than you were!" i frowned and wiped her tears off her cheeks.

"shut up, i look the same." she slightly shook her head. "you're the one that always manages to look more and more beautiful everytime we meet." she pouted. "motherhood looks good on you."

"did she shy away from you?" i asked.

"no! she remembers me!" cole got all excited.

"she does?" i widened my eyes.

"yeah." she smiled. the older she gets the more similar i feel she looks like blue. that smile, an exact copy.

"come on let's go sit on that step right there. we're singing 'hide here'" we hugged each other from the side and staring walking to the steps.

"i feel like your goal today is to make me cry." she laughed. "making me sing the song my sister wrote for us."

"how am i supposed to leave here?"

"you'll be back cole, you're not leaving forever." i shook my head.

"but she's here, she can't come and haunt me in italy." tears were falling down her cheeks, one after the other. "i already miss her enough."

"she is so proud of you and you know it. don't hold yourself back like that, plus who said she can't haunt you there? spirits can do what ever the fuck they want to do." i told her.

"what if they can't?"

"they can, i confirmed it with her." i shook my head and that earned me a slap on the arm.

"billie!" she stared crying harder. "i'm seriously going to kill you."

"good then i'll join her." i smirked.

"what the fuck is wrong with you?" her voice cracked.

"cole i'm serious, if you don't go to italy not only will you be harming yourself but also you'll be making many people disappointed with you, including your sister. you know she always wanted what was best for you, so you better go do what is best for you." i said with a firm voice. "also, you're going to italy with your boyfriend for fucks sake, who wouldn't want that! it's a dream come true!"

"i know." she sniffled, calming down a bit.

"you'll be okay, i'll even visit you some day."

"you better."

"i did not think she would actually come out here!" i laughed into the mic as cole exited the stage. "you know we haven't seen each other in actually a couple years now."

"anyways your 'red album' songs are limited so we're back to my songs, i know boohoo." i said and subconsciously looked back to where she used to stand.
———

after the show, i had to rush and take a shower cause i had a meet and greet. i don't know why it's after the show, the stupidest shit i've ever witnessed, but it's the the only day it's scheduled like this so it's fine.

meet and greet took about an hour and right after that i met with everyone in the green room. hugged richard, fiona and jazz so tight and then we all decided to go out for dinner. brandon called a restaurant, pulled some strings and got us a table at such short notice.

ari was the star of the show there, she would not leave cole's side no matter what. it got to the point that cole had to sit closer to me so i'd be able to feed aria without her making a whole scene. of course cole was eating the favoritism up.

it felt good being around them again, really the only person missing was lucas. he did tell me that he had already committed to plans though, so it's fine. plus cole did end up facetiming him and we did talk for a little bit before i made him hang up cause his boyfriend was patiently waiting for him and i felt bad.

after such an exhausting day, winter and i said goodbye to everyone. took our sleepy ari and headed for the hotel we were staying at. even though we were so very tired we somehow couldn't fall asleep.

"it's been so long since i've seen you this happy." winter broke the silence we had as we cuddled in bed.

"tour me is a different me." i told her.

"not gonna lie got jealous of cole for a little bit there, ari refused to be anywhere near me." she chuckled.

"oh i did too, i don't know how she even remembered her. ari was so little when she last saw her." i frowned, my thoughts went to those moments where ari would make me feel as if she saw something.. interact with it. "maybe she recognized her from the facetimes." i brushed it off.

"yeah true." winter nodded. "i'm so proud of you."

"thank you." i pouted.

"no i really am so very proud of you billie. you are an amazing mom an amazing partner and an amazing person overall. i'm so happy that you found happiness again, you deserve so much." her voice cracked. "i love you so much."

"don't cry." i cupped her cheek. "i love you too. i love you so much."

winter is the only person i can imagine myself being with. i think blue approves too, you know.. cause she hasn't sent our house on fire or something like that. she said she'd haut me the most, or maybe i asked that of her and i do feel her around sometimes. it brings me comfort.

and i always asked myself this one question, was it worth it to be happy for a little bit even though i knew the outcome would have been devastating? i can finally say it with confidence, it was worth it, all of it. i don't know why i even second guessed it before, it was so worth it.

"ari careful you're gonna get a boo-boo!" winter yelled after our daughter who was running away from bed time.

"where do you think you're going princess?" i caught her all giggling and shit.

"no bed time!" she covered her mouth with her little hands as she giggled. "i waiting."

"what are you waiting for my love." i smiled.

"look she's here!" ari pointed at the glass door that lead to our backyard. an unmistakable blue was sitting on one of the pillows laid out on the outdoor rug. the same pillow i had set up in our balcony in our apartment after she relapsed, she used to read her books there.

i let go of ari and i stared and blinked, trying to figure out if i was imagining what i was seeing. blue tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear, a slight smile on her face. "Amour pour toujours" i whispered and she slowly faded away.

i don't remember if this actually happened or if it was just a dream. for my sanity i tell myself it's a dream.