𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

girl from store

blue

"so i talked to jasmine today and she told me about your panic attack, you're still getting them?" dad said through the phone.

"i really hoped that she wouldn't." i sighed. "yeah, i'm still getting them, they've been less frequent but i don't think they're ever leaving."

"i don't think you're a disappointment blue"

"yeah right." i chuckled, not believing a word he just said. "everytime i come back home you give me this big lecture that turns into a fight and now you're telling me that i'm not a disappointment? that doesn't sound like you're being honest with me."

"blue-"

"no, dad really, it's okay. i know that i'm a disappointment to you but i can't really do something about it because i don't want to be miserable. traveling with silver makes me happy and i won't stop doing that until i figure out what the fuck i want to do with my life. i want to be happy and being here isn't an option, i'm sorry that i can't be the kind of daughter that you want, i really am."

"fine, you do what you want to do. just like you've always done before." he said, clearly frustrated.

"fine." i hung up.

i really wish i could just talk to him without having to yell in order to get my point across.

"you fucking bitch." lucas cussed at me as soon as he spotted me coming his way. "how dare you tell me you're in LA two days after you've been here?" he extended his arms to pull me in for a hug.

"i'm sorry, it was last minute! and i've been busy fighting with my family. i swear to god everytime i visit there has to be at least one minor fight with one of my family members every fucking day. i don't even know why i come back anymore." i said while hugging him.

"for me of course." he rubbed my back.

"right. how could i ever forget that." i rolled my eyes at him. i pulled away only to hug his side, and walk down the street like that.

"how many hot girls did you hook up with this time?" he raised his brows.

"shut up, you heard about every single one of them." i elbowed him.

"and how many of them stayed?"

"none because i don't want that shit. imagine that girl in miami had stayed, how would that work out? it wouldn't." i answered.

"true, but don't you want someone to be your person? you can tell them everything and trust them with your life. you can have intimacy with and you'll have this beautiful relationship and you'll love each other?" he said.

"first of you can't get yourself a boyfriend, give yourself that speech. second off, that does sound nice but love sounds like bullshit to me. imagine seeing two people being grossly in love all of your life and then one day they get divorced. that's a joke, love is a joke." i chuckled.

"just because your parents didn't make it doesn't mean that you'll go through the same situation." lucas said. it feels like this is the trillionth time he repeated that just this year.