𝙍𝙀𝘿 // 𝘽𝙄𝙇𝙇𝙄𝙀 𝙀𝙄𝙇𝙄𝙎𝙃 𝙁𝘼𝙉𝙁𝙄𝘾𝙏𝙄𝙊𝙉

what has life become

blue

nothing was really planned for us today. i was recording some stuff before billie got home and joined me in the studio, but i didn't want her to hear what i was working on and it was taking a lot of my energy to sing. i wasn't feeling too good today, so i instead relocated to the living room where i put on gilmore girls.

gilmore girls for me is the same as the office for billie.

a little while later billie emerged from the studio, buried her head into my neck and watched as the screen changed to different colors at every shot taken. "are you hungry?" billie asked.

"no." i simply answered.

"really? what did you eat today?" she scrunched up her face when asking me.

"i ate a banana, a granola bar and a couple spoons of yogurt." i answered.

"that is not nearly enough for you." billie shook her head, walking up to the kitchen. "you have to eat blue!"

"i know, i just don't feel like eating when i'm nauseous all the time." i whined.

"does anything sound good to you right now? anything literally. tell me, no matter how weird you think it is." she asked me.

"i think of i put anything in my mouth will literally throw up, and that'll only make me feel worse." i told her. "i don't even want to watch gilmore girls anymore." i clicked on the power button in our remote and started walking to our room.

"where are you going?" billie asked.

"i want to lay down." i answered, throwing myself on our bed. yes i said bed, not mattress, bed. it finally arrived. "do you have anything you have to do? i wanna cuddle."

"i don't have anything i have to do." she said, climbing up the bed. and yes we do have to climb it now, it's a little too high for my liking but it works i guess.

"i miss this." i said, after of long time of me hearing billie's heart beat. "chill days with just you and me, we don't get those a lot anymore."

"i miss this too." she kissed my head.

"i love cuddling with you too." i added.

"i love cuddling with you also." she said.

"i'm scared that we won't get to do this for a long time in a little while." i said.

"what do you mean?"
-

flashback.

"dr. mandosa, hi." i answered the phone, putting the speaker onto my ears.

"hey blue, is this a good time? because i can get you to call me whenever you're free." she said.

"uhh, no this is a good time. i'm just chilling, what's up?" i answered.

"this is kind of serious, so i just want to make sure that you're sitting down, and if you have anyone around you, maybe you should step into another room if you want to." she said.

"okay." i said, leaning my back against the bed's head board.

"you aren't responding to our plan like we were hoping you would. the chemo is working the best for you but the dose doesn't seem to be enough. if you want to keep moving forward with the treatments, you're gonna have to go through much stronger drugs. you know what that means.." dr mandosa revealed.

"i mean we started the treatment, might as well finish what we started. i'm going to go through with your plan, i trust you." i said.

"okay, when it's time for your next appointment i'm gonna have you sign some documents and then we can move forward. i'll also send you the details on email:" she said.