The Intelligence Control and Analysis Program

Chapter 7

Emily shrugged her shoulders slightly. "I struggled with some anxiety in high school and college." She reached over to rub a pink blanket. "My room was always full of soft things." She opened her mouth like she was going to say more, but then she stopped.

"Did they help?" Genius asked softly. "I know they make me feel happy. Is it like that?"

"Kind of, yeah. I..." Emily pulled a pink blanket off the shelf and turned it over in her hands, struggling with her words for a moment. "I was more comfortable sleeping on the floor in a pile of soft things than sleeping on a soft mattress with cotton sheets. Does that make sense?"

Genius nodded a few times, grabbing the purple one Emily had been looking at earlier. "Yeah, it makes perfect sense. There are different kinds of soft." He pressed his face against the bundle and smiled. "How'm I gonna pick just one?"

JJ frowned slightly. "Genius, you can buy as many as you want." She retracted the statement almost immediately, holding up her hand. "Actually, how about you start with three, and we'll add to the collection as we go."

Unsurprisingly, Genius was quick to grab a red and orange patterned blanket as well as a blue one. He put both in the cart along with the purple one he had been holding.

"I like purple, too," he explained, giving Emily a flash of a smile.

Emily laughed softly and put the pink one in as well. "You picked great colors." She gave him a playful nudge. "But the pink one is mine, so hands off."

Genius giggled to himself. "Yes, ma'am." He giggled again and looked over at JJ. "What are we going to do now?"

"Well, we need to get you some curtains, and we'll look at some of the wall art and pictures, too." JJ gave him a warm smile. "We want you to personalize it a little bit, you know?"

"Can I—" Genius cut himself off, looking down at his anxiously twisting feet. "Um, I was thinking... I'm... I'm going to have paperwork to do, and I thought... I thought it would be cool if I had my own little desk... and like, like, like a filing cabinet? And those little desk organizers with the tiny slots and drawers and, and those little toys—like the birds that bob up and down and drink the water?" He slowly lifted his head, biting down on his lip and looking at JJ with hopeful eyes. "I know it can fit in my room. I measured. So... so, could I... could I have my own desk?"

JJ muscled through the stabbing pain in her chest and nodded, a smile ever-present on her lips. "Yes, absolutely."

Genius brightened up immediately, his entire demeanor emanating sheer happiness, and he bounded away. He had, apparently, located the office section earlier and had simply been working up the courage to ask permission to go there.

Emily laughed softly and followed along, shaking her head at the display.

JJ followed behind Emily, smiling to herself, but with a bit more sadness in it.

Genius had been so, so afraid to ask for a desk of his own, and he probably thought the permission was based only on his request. He didn't understand they were already planning on giving him a work space in his bedroom—they had talked about it less than twenty-four hours earlier—and it seemed Genius didn't yet see himself as part of the team.

Well, she knew he didn't. Going by the still forbidden act of speaking his real name, Genius had made his feelings about his relationship with the team painfully apparent. Still, he didn't seem to think they were against him. He had opened up to Hotch and JJ multiple times, he spent most nights with Rossi but had requested more than once to stay with Morgan, and he had entrusted Emily with his self-evaluation.

But Genius didn't think he was their equal. It was like he saw himself as a beloved family pet. Or perhaps he felt like a child—loved unconditionally but monitored and controlled and far too often treated like less than a person.