Daylight

1

Telling myself I won't go there

 Oh, but I know I won't care

I grab at the black ruching around my waist, I hate wearing this dress, I look ridiculous. My phone buzzes, it's Teresa, I open the message, she's outside. I lock my phone and walk downstairs, She's about to ring the doorbell as I open the door "Hey y/n" she says throwing her arms around me and hugging me, "Hey T" I return the hug. "You ready to go? The Uber is on its way" She settles herself down on the bench in my hallway. "I don't think I'm gonna go, T  I don't feel well and I look stupid" I slump down next to her, "What do you mean? I thought you were excited for Gally's party, plus you know who's gonna be there and he won't be able to take his eyes off you in this dress" she smiles at me and tucks a stray piece of my hair away. "I know, I know, it's just that I'm not in the mood for a party" She grabs my face and holds it opposite hers, forcing eye contact between us, "You'll definitely be in the mood once we arrive, also I kinda already started drinking and we don't want to waste that" she giggles.

"You're so fucking annoying," I say rolling my eyes "I'll go grab my bag" I get up and rush up to my room, I grab my bag, cigs, and drinks before running back down the stairs to Teresa. "All good to go?" she asks, "Yeah, can you just hold these while I put on my shoes" She holds my bag and drinks as I lace up my docs. "Ok, all good," I say taking my stuff "Great the Uber's outside" She unlocks my door and holds it open for me as I shout goodbye to my parents.

The car ride over to the party wasn't too long, the driver let us pick the music, Teresa insisting on listening to Eminem to 'boost my confidence' while telling the driver about her feelings towards Thomas in between drinking more beer. "It's just like sometimes he's the sweetest guy ever and then other times he's just a total cunt, you know?" the driver just nodded awkwardly as he pulled up to the party. "Thank you so much," I say opening the door and going round to Teresa's side to help her stumble out. She was already tipsy without even entering the party. I spot Gally walking out of his house and call him over, "Do you mind helping me get her inside, she was drinking on the ride over" he picks up one of her arms and pulls it over his shoulders, supporting her as she walked "You need to stop her from drinking before arriving, this is the third time she's done this" he says helping her through the door. "I know but at least this way she gets drunker quicker meaning we go home quicker" We lower her onto a sofa and Gally passes her a glass of water "So you're letting her get hammered just so you can leave quicker? There's gotta be something wrong with that," "Yeah well, she's not complaining and neither am I." Gally rolls his eyes at me and walks off, I take my seat next to Teresa and wait for her to finish her water, "You alright T?" she nods at me and jumps onto her feet "I'm gonna go find Thomas and have a word with him" she says before clumsily walking off, leaving me on the sofa.

I check my phone. 21:37, I'm going to be here for at least another four hours. Reluctantly I get up, take a swig from the Smirnoff bottle in my hand, grimacing from the awful taste, I need to mix this. Wandering into the kitchen I find a half-empty litre bottle of Coke. I pour my vodka into the coke before chucking the now empty Smirnoff bottle in the sink and setting off to search the house for the guy I came here for.

I take another swig from my bottle, stumbling around the house looking for him. A flash of blonde hair catches my eye from the middle of a crowd, finally, I found him. I wade through the stream of drunk teens towards the glimpse of gold, the crowd parts around me until I can see him clearly, the guy I've been in love with for years, Ben.

I've waited forever for this moment, a chance to tell him how I feel without any rationality getting in my way. I take a step towards him, preparing myself for what I'm going to say. A girl approaches him, her long dark hair flows behind her as she wraps her arms around him as he drunkenly kisses her, his hand pulling her waist closer towards him. He cups her cheek with his other hand and she tightens her arms around the back of his neck further closing the distance between them.

I spin on my heels and rush towards the stairway, my knees buckling under me making me fall down on the steps and causing my head to knock against the banister. I can feel my eyes start to water, I can't cry right now. I won't cry right now, not over a boy, not even him. I bring the bottle back up to my lips and swallow the remaining liquid, tossing the empty bottle to the side when I'm done with it. I pull out my phone, the bright light half blinding me, 22:28, I can't last another three hours here. Not without another bottle, I push myself up off the stairs and stumble into the kitchen going straight for the buckets of drinks on the countertop. I managed to find a couple of premixed cans and an unopened bottle of Smirnoff ice which was surprising. I slip the Smirnoff into my bag and cradle the cans in my arms as I hobble out of the kitchen, returning back to my spot on the stairs. I can't help but stare at Ben and that girl as I open one of my cans. He's so perfect with his golden blonde hair and dark eyes she's so lucky to be able to kiss him like that, I wish I was her.

The sound of the door opening draws me away from my imagination. Three boys enter the room, Thomas, Minho, and Newt. I don't mind Minho and Thomas is bearable when Teresa's not obsessing over him, but Newt. I can't fucking stand Newt. How he pretends he's the sweetest guy ever when he's a complete prick, I hate how he abuses his power as vice president at school just to target me and I absolutely despise how self-centered he is. Thomas and Minho are both wearing jeans and black t-shirts, but Newt's decided to be special and is wearing cargos and a white t-shirt, his leather necklace and silver pendant resting on top of it. His eyes dart around the room before eventually landing on me, he struts over and leans against the banister I'm resting on.

"What's wrong with you now," he asks mockingly "Piss off," I say raising the can to my lips and sipping the strawberry mojito, "Wow you must really be upset you're actually drinking tonight" he glides his hand through his hair, "Let me guess, you thought that someone could actually like a whore like you and got all depressed when it turned out they didn't" he spat, lowering his face to my level. "What the fucks your problem" I shot up nearly slipping off the step "Can you not be a cunt for like two seconds and leave me the fuck alone." He rises back up a smirk forming on his face "I just wanted to make sure you knew not to get your hopes up next time, I mean we wouldn't want y/n to start slicing up her arms again-" my hand whipped around faster than my brain could comprehend, slapping his smug face. "Fuck you" I whispered tears beginning to roll down my cheeks.