Judas Kiss

Chapter 39.

Jax

I felt the hot water roll off my back as I contemplated the events from last night. I didn't know how I was going to make today's meeting work without Clay. He was currently in the ICU in critical condition with no current updates. And I still didn't know how I was going to address Opie's claims about his father. Everything in my life was currently flipped upside down, and I was struggling to see the silver lining.

As I stood there trying to get all of Clay's blood off of me Tara walked into the bathroom. She took one look at my bloody clothes and a sardonic smile appeared on her face. I shut the water off and braced myself to talk to her, knowing that she had already written me off before I got the chance to speak.

"Rough night?" she asked while holding my bloody, white t-shirt. "Clay got shot last night. He's in critical condition at St. Thomas." Her expression remained cold as she asked her next question, "Who did it?"

"I'm not sure," I only lied to her because I wanted to make sure there was truth behind Opie's accusations. "I'm still getting out Tara. Deal with the Irish goes down today." I knew that the news of Clay's demise would make her question my ability to go through with my plans to leave the club.

"And then what?" I could tell from her question that she was losing faith in me. It happened ever since she messed up her hand. I was slowly losing her, just like I had lost Ari.

"Then I put my family in a car and drive the hell away from Charming."

Tara scoffed and she smirked at me, "Just like that Jax? Change your clothes, wash off the blood, and I guess even get rid of the wife while you run off into the sunset?"

"Yeah, just like that," I shot back at her. I took a deep breath to calm myself when I realized I was getting upset. Tara wasn't my enemy here. She was just angry about what happened to her, and she was losing faith in the world around her. "Look, I know it's not gonna be an easy shift. I'm not delusional. But I also know you're not thinking clearly right now."

"I'd argue that I'm the clearest I've ever been."

"Trust me, babe, rage feels that way. I'll have Phil and Alita help you pack. I'll be back tonight." I got up from my squat position and made my way towards the door.

"Jax," Tara stopped me, "tell me you don't love her." The question took me aback for a moment because I wasn't expecting it. It's even possible that my silence lasted for longer than it should have.

Tara locked eyes with me and waited for me to say it. I didn't expect my heart to start racing at that moment, and my throat felt tight. "I love you, Tara. Do you love me?"

"If I could stop I would." Her voice was barely a whisper, but I understood what she felt. I felt the exact same for Ari. It was clear that she resented me, or even hated me at this point. But I couldn't stop loving her. She was a part of me, and she held a piece of myself that I'd never get back.

Tara got up and then looked me square in the eyes. "I love you, Jackson." It was intentional yet cold somehow. She said nothing more and then went to her room. I found myself exhaling a breath that I didn't know I was holding in when she was gone.

I eventually left the house to prepare for the meeting with the IRA and the cartel, but I had to make a visit to Stockton before I could do that. Bobby had signed in to visit Otto yesterday, but he never signed out. Bobby had no current charges against him so that worried me a lot.

Lenny, who ironically didn't have visiting privileges until this morning, had informed me that Otto was able to get him some privileges back, but he was unaware if Otto made some kind of deal. He overheard bits and pieces from some of the guards, and that's what led him to contact me. Lenny had done some serious favors for the club while inside, so I knew that Otto must have traded some solid information to get him his privileges back.

If Otto ratted like I thought he did, then we'd have feds circling us at this meeting, and that was bad for business. So, I set up a meeting with Romeo and Luis who were representing Galindo's cartel to inform them of everything that was going on.

"They got him in the garage, shot him twice."

"Do we know who's responsible?" Romeo asked.

"Could be from all the conflict we have in Oakland." The lie was becoming so ingrained in my brain, that I worried about what everyone would do with the truth when it came out.

"Well, we're sorry about what happened to Clay," Luis said, "but how do we handle today?"

"I can run the exchange with the kings, but we may have a bigger problem. I just heard from one of my guys in Stockton that we got a member inside who may have flipped. Otto Delaney has been talking to the U.S. Attorney."

"Does Otto know about us?" Luis was visibly upset.

"No, but he might have given up another member. It means the feds could be circling us. It's too big of a risk for today." I was hoping that we'd be able to cancel the meeting or push it back until Clay was okay to do this.

"We have people who can verify if Otto made a deal. Don't do anything until you hear from us."

I nodded my head at Romeo even though he seemed hellbent on making this meeting happen. I wasn't surprised that men who worked for Galindo didn't fear cops since most of them were on his payroll.

Nevertheless, I would have to catch myself up on the IRA if I was going to step in for Clay during this meeting. These men liked to play hardball, and it was hard to gain their trust. If they thought I couldn't handle this meeting, they would surely leave and all my hard work would have been for nothing.

 And just like I had feared, Romeo called me not even an hour later pushing for the meeting. I knew what this meant for me, but somehow I still had hope that I'd be able to save my club and my family.