Judas Kiss

Chapter 30.

Jax

I used my key to open the door to my house. As soon as I walked in, the savory smell of a home-cooked meal hit my nostrils. The lights were on and I heard the sound of the radio playing in the kitchen. I tried not to make my steps loud as I proceeded to investigate.

Abel was sitting at the table with a mouthful of food. Ari was singing and dancing to a tune that kept a smile on his face. I was early and it was clear that she wasn't expecting anyone for at least another hour.

Her hair was down and she wore a short and flowy dress that I loved. She looked extremely carefree and without worry. I loved her seeing her this way.

"Daddy!" Abel shouted, which caused Ari to jump and realize that I was standing there. She put her hand to her chest and looked visibly embarrassed.

"Oh hey," she said breathlessly, "I didn't hear you come in."

"Yeah sorry, I didn't want to miss the show," I winked at her and kissed Abel on the forehead.

"Oh well I guess I can get ready now," Ari said while looking at the clock.

"No, you don't have to do anything out of the ordinary. Just keep on with your regular routine." Ari nodded her head, but I could tell that my presence had made her uneasy. I tried not to show her that this bothered me and decided to just blame it on me being away for so long.

"So, how's work going, I heard you got a new job."

"Yeah, I did. Pays a lot more than Eddie did, and it works for Abel. And you, how are you adjusting?"

I shrugged, "As good as I can I guess. Just happy to be back."

Ari nodded her head but offered no further conversation. Her discomfort grew and then she started to clean things that were already clean.

I chuckled, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, uh sorry, it's just...it's usually just us two. But that's not to say that you aren't welcome."

"Good, then come sit down, stop being weird." Ari looked hesitant, but then came to the table and sat closest to Abel, even though the chair she chose positioned her in the middle of the both of us.

I reached out for her hand and held it in mine. I saw her visibly swallow a lump in her throat and felt her hand get clammy. "If I didn't know any better, I would think you were trying to avoid me."

Ari forced a smile in front of Abel, "No, just avoiding whatever this is." She pulled her hand from mine and placed it in her lap. "I'm not doing this again Jackson. I think life has been pretty clear on what we're supposed to be."

"And what is that?" my jaw clenched at yet another attempt to bring up divorce.

Ari let out a sigh, "I'm going to get ready for work. I already packed his overnight bag, it's on his bed." She got up from the table and disappeared down the hall. Able was still preoccupied with his dinner, so I got up and followed Ari to the room.

The door was closed and I barged in while she was changing. She jumped when she saw me and held her shirt up over her chest. "Can I help you?!" she asked, sounding agitated.

"You didn't answer my question," I said sitting on the bed. Ari looked appalled and her right eye twitched, "are you serious right now?"

"Very."

She scoffed and shook her head in disbelief as she threw on her shirt. She said nothing to me as she continued to get ready for work. She did everything with aggression, down to how she handled her hair.

"Ari, I'm talking to you!" I said a little louder.

She rolled her eyes and then went to put her shoes on. I was growing frustrated with her ignoring me, and I eventually got up from the bed and approached her. She tried to step around me to avoid being caged in, but I only pressed her against the dresser, pinning her to it.

"Answer the question," I said, looking into her eyes.

"You are completely delusional if you think that we share anything other than Abel." She paused for effect and then proceeded to say things that felt like more lashings to my heart. "You destroyed everything we had, and the only reason you're here now isn't because you want me, or you realized that I was the one. And oh my gosh, Ari I love you and I'm sorry!" She mocked my voice as she berated me, "Jax the truth is, you don't love me. You think you do now because while you were in prison, you finally realized how much I did for you, and the guilt is eating you up."

She made another sad attempt at moving me, but I wouldn't budge. I didn't know how to convince her that what I felt was real, and it wasn't just a result of guilt. So, I took her face in my hands and kissed her. I was quick so she had little time to react to what I was doing. My kiss was strong and passionate, and I thought that she would feel everything I wanted to say through it. But then when we broke apart, she looked visibly angry and pushed me off of her with all her might.

Pushing me away gave her just enough room to get away from me. She didn't say another word as she went into the closet to retrieve her jacket. I immediately felt bad when I noticed that she was close to tears.

"Ari, wait, I'm sorry."

That caused her to snap, "What is wrong with you?! You couldn't stand to see me happy for once so you had to come in here and fill my head with your sh**! You do this every time! Every time! Why can't you just leave me alone and stop treating me like I'm disposable?"

"Ari, you know I never intended to make you feel that way."

"But you did," she snapped. "You always do and I'm tired of it. So, from now on let's just focus on Abel. All I want to do is keep my mind on him."

I nodded my head even though a part of me mourned over her rejection. "Have a good night, I'll guess I'll go get Abel now." She nodded her head not meeting my eyes. I could tell that she was in pain, and it didn't take long for me to notice the tears slipping from her eyes. I wasn't even out the door when I heard her muffled cries.

Arielle didn't love me anymore, or at least she didn't want to. Whatever the case may be, one thing was for certain. Our marriage was over, and her rejection hurt almost as bad as when I found out Abel was taken. It was a feeling I never thought I was capable of feeling for another person, and I'm afraid I've realized her importance a little too late.