Burn for you (English)

Chapter 14

"No."

My voice sounded more composed than I had expected. After all, his question was more than a surprise to me. Nervousness spread through me.

Reaper sat down with me, my gaze fixed on the flickering flames before us. It had always enraged him at the beginning, when I had never been able to look at him during conversations. This hurdle was overcome, however, this situation seemed just very suspicious to me. He usually avoided me.

"How are you?"

Puzzled, I raised my eyebrows. That he inquired about my condition, I had expected just as little as his attendance tonight.

"Fine and yourself?"

A rough smirk reached my ears and as I looked over at him, I noticed him sipping his beer with amusement.

"What's so funny?"  I had been irritated towards the Pres only in a moment that had caused him to avoid me again for days, Ashley on the other hand had expressed her admiration for that situation.

The reason I dared to show him clearly how much his cat-and-mouse game stressed me.

Reaper shook his head. "Nothing. This small talk just sounds ridiculous."

"You started it."

"Sure. I guess I didn't think that one through."

The terse conversation died away, neither of us seeming to know what to say or what to talk about. We were simply too different.

The silence between him and me gave me the opportunity to again observe the casual activity around the bonfire. There was no sign of the excitement that had just been felt over Reaper's return. Lively chatter drifted from group to group, a small line of men seemed to be setting up a drinking game, while squealing children's laughter filled my ears as some boys and girls tried to catch each other on the side. For the first time, I experienced children growing up here, after initially being frightened by the idea. The convivial hubbub bathed in the cozy flicker of the fire.

"You're smiling."

I nodded, not taking my eyes off the crowd. "I must confess that I find this... gathering here kind of nice."

The smile on my no longer too pale face remained as I looked back at him. He returned the look. It was the first time he looked at me in such a relaxed and almost gentle way.

"You don't know anything like that, do you?" he asked.

"Not in that way. We had parties too, but they were either fundraisers or charitable Bible gatherings."

"Sounds stuffy."

A smirk played around the corners of my mouth.

Not long ago, I would have defended my home, but I realized that life there - by contrast - was truly bleak and boring. I had suspected this before, only now I became aware of it. Pleasure was rarely thought of in the Mormon circle, although most would deny this and claim the opposite. That charities were certainly fun and one felt deepest joy when helping others. The charitable aspect had truly always fulfilled me, but I had never done anything that served my own entertainment.

Now I learned that not every party had a charitable flavor, that it was okay to party just because you felt like it. It didn't matter what you wore, how much money you spent, or what kind of food was served. This casual atmosphere made me happy.

For a silent moment I looked at the man next to me, who was staring at the fire again. He was the beginning of so many realizations, and all this time it clouded me that it remained so undercooled between us, of all people. His striking profile looked unusually soft in the flickering flame glow. His dark blond hair was slicked back as usual, and his beard was shorter, almost a little stubbly. I liked that.