Burn for you (English)

Chapter 10

A short but all the more important chapter in this book ♡.

"Let me in, please."

I had ignored Ashley's knocks, paired with her request to finally let her into the room, until now, but I was beginning to get the impression that she was too much of a stubborn person to give up anytime soon. Besides, I didn't want to attract any more attention. There continued to be no other sleeping guests or residents besides me and Reaper, but the drumming could certainly be heard all the way into the bar. I didn't need any more rejection here at the club.

I unlocked the door.

"A minute longer and I would have gotten the master key from Mandy," the blonde sighed.

"There's a master key?"

Ash pushed her way into my room and closed the door quietly behind her. "That was a joke. But maybe I would have asked Ty or Carlos to kick the door in for me." A sure smirk.

The key and the door quickly receded into the background, I knew what was coming now, because Ash was looking at me urgently. A lecture.

"I'm sorry about that just now."

Surprised, I blinked. No rebuke that I was just too buttoned up and didn't fit in here?

"I should have been supportive. Men are real assholes sometimes.", she continued.

"You're not the one I'm mad at," I explained to her matter-of-factly.

With a theatrical sigh, Ashley flopped backwards onto the bed. She seemed completely at home, her gaze fixed on the ceiling, but her legs dangled relaxed over the edge in her ripped black jeans. "Maybe, but as a friend, it behooves me to stand by you. I should have told you sooner that Beau and Reap aren't the fattest of friends."

I was aware of that by now. And even though I didn't judge Ashley for being loyal to her people, I gave her credit for the apology. She called me her friend.

"I really admired you for the way you stood up and gave Reap a piece of your mind. He won't forget that," she continued.

"I shouldn't have done that. I think he hates me."

"How do you come up with this crap?" Ashley sat up. Her gentle face showed honest astonishment, as if I had explained to her that I thought coffee was just as harmful as alcohol.

My brow furrowed as well. "Because it's obvious. He always scowls at me, if he pays any attention to me at all. And then he doesn't want me to have much contact with anyone here. It's a wonder you or Carlos aren't a problem," I explained to the blonde.

"These are snapshots, Adina. I'm sure you're misinterpreting that."

This consideration had also crossed my mind again and again. There were few moments when Reaper had not acted dismissively or distantly toward me. Starting with his offer to bring me here and let me live here. In dark moments, he was there to drag me back into the light. At times I even believed he was interested in building me up. It was therefore all the more shocking when in the next moments his behavior showed me that I was a block on his leg. Reaper was more contradictory than my husband.

"No. He hates me."

I closed the distance between us, there was enough room for two on the bed, and this evolved into an eye-to-eye conversation. At a level of familiarity that drew me in. My shoulders heaved with a sigh. "To everyone, I'm an outsider."

"Bullshit!" Ash's tone was sharper, her blue eyes glassy.

"Why else is everyone closed off? I don't even dare ask questions because I know I can't expect honest answers. Yet there's so much I still don't understand. Beau doesn't hold anything back from me."

I fell backwards onto the mattress, Ashley standing up in the same move. "You grew up in a Mormon church, Addy. Shouldn't you know what it's like to live in a world that's not average?" she spoke calmly.

The club, the chapter, none of it was ordinary. It was closer to the rest of the world than our religious community, but they lived as segregated as the people at St. Johns. Mormons always called themselves compassionate, open-minded and tolerant earthlings, instead they were full of fear, skepticism and doubt, which is why they protected their ranks from any contact with the outside world. The Haydes Hells were far from frightened, yet they maintained their boundaries.

"If you were a threat to us, the Pres would never have let you live here," Ash added, since I didn't answer.

I had nothing to say to that.

For another moment, I gazed fixedly at the ceiling. "I'm different, I know that. And I'm not staying here for long, just until I have enough money. But," my blue irises wandered questioningly over the peach-colored wall beside us, hoping they might find a solution there, "does he have to show me so clearly that I'm unwanted?"

For a moment it seemed like Ash was thinking about her answer until she pulled me up. Her arm wrapped around my shoulders and she hugged me to her. She was very focused on physical contact, unlike me who always suffered from fears of touch, but with her they dissolved unusually quickly.

"You are not unwanted. And no matter what Reaper may say or how he acts, don't let it drag you down."

"But he's the president, and if he says so, I have to pack my bags. I'm sure he'll come barging in at any moment and kick me out the door." My eyes got huge. "I should apologize, so maybe he'll give me another chance."

I was already rising from the bed again, but Ash was faster and pushed me back onto the mattress. She held my shoulders, not roughly or forcefully, but with enough pressure for her words to come through clearly to me, "Stop ducking your head in front of anyone! Not in front of Reap, not in front of Mandy, and not in front of me."

I had never ducked my head in front of her at all.

I quickly realized that wasn't the deciding factor here.

The feminine hands on my shoulders disappeared, Ashley's features softened. "I have no clue what you went through before you ended up here, but it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're a young, incredibly warm-hearted and ambitious woman with a strong will that I've just had the pleasure of witnessing," she spoke. Her voice firm, and in the blue eyes ignited determination that infected me. "Your past cannot break you. It may have tried to snuff out your flame, but it still flickers. We just need to give it some tinder to blaze."

I hadn't realized that I needed a conversation like the one I had with Ashley. That I needed a person, like her, in my life. I had lumped everyone in the club together in the beginning, denouncing them as criminal, unscrupulous sinners, until one by one I realized that behind the off-putting exterior of black clothes, tattoos and piercings, there was a warm soul hiding.

Mandy had been the first to open my eyes by caring for me and helping me find my feet in a strange place. Not infrequently, she treated me like a daughter, teaching me things that were normal and commonplace for others to care about. In Beau I began to see something like a companion, who lured me out of my shell with his cheerful nature, unforced in a refreshing manner. And Ashley evolved into a sister I never had, but always wished for, because she built you up and supported you in a way no one else could.

That day, for the first time since my escape, rousing courage filled me, giving me confidence that I could master a life outside the Mormon community. Alone. The thought of my husband, who no doubt continued to haunt me, and the uncertainty of what the future held, accompanied me every day, inhibited me. But Ash seemed to have driven a wedge into the insurmountable wall of fear and uncertainty, which was now adorned with a fine but clearly visible crack that weakened the bulwark. And was capable of collapsing it.

We just need to give it some tinder to blaze.

One day I would be on fire.

Brightly lit.

Unstoppable.