BAU Groupchat :) Criminal Minds x Reader

Rossi Banged WHO?! (5)

3:45 AM

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ItalianImpasta: Good morning all! 😎

HotChocolate: ROSSI, IT'S 3:45 IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

HotChocolate: IT'S A SATURDAY AND OUR DAY OFF

HotChocolate: GO TO BED OLD MAN

ItalianImpasta: The one time I decide to communicate with you people, this is the reply I get?

HotStuff69: yo rossi what gives? I was having a good ass dream I was kissing Leonardo DiCaprio 😩

bbygirl: lol y/n what?

HotStuff69: ok I might have exaggerated on the good ass dream part but nonetheless that's the most action I'm ever gonna get

ItalianImpasta: ...okay then. Well, I can't sleep.

BossyPants: why aren't you people asleep?

HotChocolate: ask the italian man!

JayJay: omg Will is asking me to ask you people to and I quote 'shut the fuck up'. 😂

HotStuff69: damn that's the most we've probably heard from Will

BossyPants: You can mute the chat, JJ

BossyPants: So can you Morgan

HotChocolate: I will but I want to know why the Italian is suddenly texting us first for once

ItalianImpasta: Can't a man just say hello to his team?

HotChocolate: ...at almost 4 in the morning?

PrettyBoiThings: good grief can't I sleep good for once??

HotStuff69: mute the chat, pretty boy.

HotStuff69: also I'm still mad at you for the other day

PrettyBoiThings: I don't regret what I said

HotStuff69: you're gonna regret saying that

BossyPants: y/n!

ItalianImpasta: well this chat wasn't going as well as I hoped

EmCatLover: you're lucky I was already up. Sergio was having nightmares

bbygirl: omg poor cat!!

EmCatLover: I know. But he seems to be crashed on the couch now so I'm gonna go back to sleep

bbygirl: gn lover ❤️

EmCatLover: gn bbygirl ❤️😘

BossyPants: uh do you guys want to tell us something?

bbygirl: lol Emily's my bitch, sir. She's my lover, but also my best friend who is not a lover.

ItalianImpasta: you people are just wow 🙃

BossyPants: you're the one who woke the team

HotStuff69: Rossi, did you get laid? 🤔

bbygirl: omg I don't even want to picture that y/n!

BossyPants: Really, y/n?

HotStuff69: It's a legitimate question, guys. In case you haven't noticed, why the hell else would Rossi be the first to text us?

ItalianImpasta: who would want to lay a load on me? 🫠

PrettyBoiThings: wtf rossi

bbygirl: ....what

BossyPants: I have to agree with Reid and Garcia. What?

HotStuff69: lol so the answer's yes then

HotStuff69: Who's the lucky lady, Mr. Loveboat?

HotStuff69: unless you're trying to come out to us

HotStuff69: which I'd totally be supportive

ItalianImpasta: I'm not gay!

ItalianImpasta: ok fine. I did...get laid last night.

ItalianImpasta: but if I told you who it was

ItalianImpasta: you'd kick me off the groupchat

HotStuff69: no I won't, Rossi. Tell us.

BossyPants: only I have the ability to kick someone off, but anyway, tell us Rossi. I'm actually a little interested in hearing about this

JayJay: lol I put the chat on mute but I woke back up to get water and then I see the chat and now I'm invested. Tell us Rossi!

PrettyBoiThings: hey guys

PrettyBoiThings: what if, I don't know...

PrettyBoiThings: he doesn't really want to tell us?

PrettyBoiThings: nosy bitches 😒

JayJay: omg who pissed in your cereal, Spence?

HotStuff69: I think he's still salty that I punched him 🤣

HotStuff69: which I also don't regret doing 🤷‍♀️

BossyPants: Dave, please tell us who you're banging before Reid and Y/N go at it again

ItalianImpasta: ok fine it was Strauss

JayJay: ..

bbygirl: ..

HotStuff69: ..

PrettyBoiThings: ..

EmCatLover: ..

BossyPants: ..

HotChocolate: ..

HotStuff69: maybe Rossi should be ItalianSausage instead of impasta. Garcia, change it! 😎

ItalianImpasta: WHAT?

bbygirl: I was going to but I forgot I no longer have admin access

BossyPants changed ItalianImpasta to ItalianSausage

HotStuff69: omg 😆

ItalianSausage: AARON!!

BossyPants: sorry Dave, but you dug your own grave on this one

JayJay: how long have you and Strauss been doing each other, Rossi?

ItalianSausage: not long

HotChocolate: how long?!

HotStuff69: I thought you were going back to sleep, baldie?

BossyPants: lol

HotChocolate: Well, I was going to, but this chat got much more interesting

ItalianSausage: 4 months

HotStuff69: 4 MONTHS?

PrettyBoiThings: Welp, I'm off to enjoy my night's rest. Gn! 🙂

EmCatLover: Damn, it's about time Strauss got laid! She's been breathing down everyone's backs lately. Maybe Monday she'll be cool

bbygirl: LOL I thought you went back to sleep

EmCatLover: I had to pee. Decided to see what you guys were talking about and I got invested

JayJay: lol same

HotStuff69: I love how nobody said goodnight to Reid when he announced he was getting off 🤩

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ooh Rossi's got a lover in Strauss! lmaooo