Emeralds

Thirty-six.

Half an hour later, her parents, Abed and Salam arrive. Salam and her mother keep crying, and I can barely keep my head straight so it's only making it worse. A nurse comes by saying we can't all stay here, but none of us moves an inch.
"Adam-" Ahmed starts.
"Don't even think about it," I cut him off. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Abed, Uncle Aly, we can wait outside, don't you think?" After a couple of minutes he convinces the two men to wait with him outside the ER.
Two hours later, Leen starts moving her fingers, then shifts a little in the bed letting out a quiet moan.
"Leen," I hold her hand, "Leen wake up."
She slowly opens her eyes and looks around wildly.
"Leen?" I ask in horror. "Leen can you hear me?!"
"Adam?" she asks and moves her hand looking for me. Her mother and Salam exchange the same terrified look with me. Salam covers her mouth and Aunt Roqya puts a hand over her chest, too afraid to ask the question I'm about to.
"L-Leen," I call weakly. "Can you see me?"
***
"It's a complete vision loss," says the doctor after examining her. "I've been expecting this after examining her head for the first time, it was a great injury."
Her mother holds in a cry by covering her mouth with two hands and Salam hugs her, barely being able not to cry herself.
"W-What can we do?" her father asks.
"She has to see an eye specialist right now. We'll call him in, and I hope he'll give you some good news," says the doctor with an apologising smile. We all nod. Just nod.
***
"I'll keep seeing her for a few weeks, we'll start the treatment, but total recovery is not guaranteed," says the specialist.
"Please do your best, doctor," I beg. "Does she have better chances if she's treated outside the country?"
"There will be more helping factors in countries like Germany, it's up to you taking her there. But you have to wait for a short while, she can't move around with a head injured like that."
***
It has been three days. Leen barely wakes up until she's given more medicines and sleeps again. We haven't had time to talk once, and it shreds my heart to be so close to her and stand so helplessly, watching her in pain, knowing she can't see. All I do is stand there, or sit next to her. All I do is spend nights on a couch in her room after she's been transferred from the ER to a regular room. We all stay with her in the morning but take shifts for staying at night. I wish I can stay every night but I would never be able to ask that from Salam, Jenin and her mother. My mom and siblings come everyday as well to see how she's doing, but I don't know when anyone comes or leaves. All I do all day long is stay by her bed, watch her sleeping, pray she gets well soon.

Tonight I'm staying with her. When everyone is gone, the nurse checks on her and gives me some instructions just in case of any changes. I close the door after her and sit on the floor next to her bed, leaning my back to cold wall behind me.
"Leen," I say. "These are the worst days of my life, just like when I lost father, it was a car accident too." Tears start running down my face, "but it's different this time inshallah, right?" I sniffle. "Because I'm not going to lose you, you're not going anywhere. You're staying," I keep talking because it's me who needs reassurance. The weight of pain in my chest is too much it has thrown me to the floor, it has me sitting by the bed, letting the coldness from the wall and the ceramic floor sweep into my body. It has me locked to the darkness, swearing never to let me up again.

Just when my eyelids start getting heavy and I fall into sleep, I hear her voice.
"Adam?" she calls quietly.
"Leen?" I get up quickly. "Do you feel any pain?"
"Adam," she starts crying. "Why is it so dark here? I can't see you." It shatters me. The doctor said that in some cases like hers, the patient doesn't realise their vision loss.
"Leen listen to me," I suppress the tears and sobs, I suppress the pain. "It's not dark," I hold her hand in mine. "Because of the accident-" I didn't want to be the one telling her this. I don't know how to do it when I barely comprehend it myself, "you lost your sight. This is why you can't see me." She is my child, and I'm telling my child some very bad news and it kills me. My child is blind.
"I-" she swallows, "am I blind?" she starts crying. I can't even sit her up and hug her because I'm afraid it might hurt her head. I put my hand carefully between the pillow and her head and bent so her face is buried in my shoulder blade.
I try saying anything to make her feel better, but I don't find words. What can I tell her? I find myself crying too. We keep sobbing for what seems like an eternity. But crying never takes the disasters away, it just shows us how big and serious they are.

"We will go to Germany," I say. "We will look for the best doctors and we will pray and Allah will never let us down."
"I'm so scared," now she's sleeping on her right side with her back to me. "It's so dark and I'm so scared."
I run my fingers through her hair, "I'm here," I say calmly. "I'll never leave you."
"I already miss you," she says. "I miss you and I miss everyone and they can just by my side and I wouldn't see them, maybe even wouldn't know."
"Why don't we stop thinking for now?" I try smiling, maybe she'll be able to sense it in my voice. "It's been three days since that happened, and you've been sleeping all three days long. Don't you miss talking to me?"
She sniffles, "I do."
"So tell me what happened in the last Kdrama you watched-" I break off mid-sentence. How could I be so stupid? Just how!
"I won't be able to watch or read anymore," she says matter-of-factly, like listing her new life in front of her. "I won't be able to go to work again, or cook," she cries. "I won't be able to dress myself for God's sake!" I curse myself and wish I could just die. I made everything a lot worse just when she was about to feel better.
"Leen please," I beg her. "Don't do this."
She sits up slowly and I hurry to help her. She shuts her eyes in pain when she lifts her head. "It's throbbing," she says holding it with her uninjured hand.
"Why did you get up?" I ask supporting her head with my hand and helping her adjust to sitting with the other.
She reaches out her hand to find me, "where are you?" I sit down next to her and take her hand in mine.
"Here I am." She puts her head on my shoulder and wraps her arm around mine.
"Don't leave."
"I never will."

I won't even leave for work.

~~~
Guys don't hate me! *winces*
I just wanna tell you that this is were the story began in my head before writing, this is the original idea, a blind girl with special eyes and how her husband takes care of her. So let another life of theirs begin, and let's watch another kind of love ;)
Thank you all for reading seriously and you have no idea how much i love your comments!
There's another book I'm planning and I'll hopefully start writing once I'm done with Emeralds inshallah, make sure to take a look then, and I'll keep you updated with the news :D
Ah btw, to those who can read Arabic, there's a collection of poems I've published (currently has one poem but yeah) take a look if you like :D
Nouran.