Emeralds

Fourteen.

Fourteen

[Adam]

I can’t believe I actually did it. I proposed to the girl I like.

I get home after dinner at Mr. Aly’s, I stay the rest of the night in my room, probably catching my breath. I recall her coming towards us when her mother called her, I couldn’t get a clear picture of her, though, but today was the first time I notice I love her clothes and style. She wears right hijab, her clothes are the furthest from provoking; it’s just soothing to see her.

Maybe the scariest moment of my life was when her father asked about her opinion, I was on the edge of having a heart attack, but when she said she needs time to think, I don’t know how I felt then. I mentally gave out a sigh of relief that she didn’t just say no, but I was kind of disappointed, although I didn’t expect her to agree on marrying someone she barely knows, I kind of know how she thinks.

***

Three days have passed and I’m having a trip to Malaysia, and being so young, and a co-pilot I still can’t choose my destinations or the days I want to fly, I just have to do the job. This is the first time I feel like staying rather than doing my thing. Leen’s father hasn’t called yet, and I’m starting to really worry. Did she refuse me? I can’t just leave before knowing her decision. I wake up on a Saturday’s morning, literally dragging my feet to the bathroom. I take a quick shower, then change. This time I’ll be staying for two days, and I’m glad it’s not for long.

I promise mom that I’ll call her once I can, and have to watch her cry as I leave like every time. Sometimes I really wish I’d be able to give up that job for her sake; it’s just too hard to stop doing the one thing you love, it’s hard to kill your passion for something.

Ahmed texted telling me he’ll be waiting in the car outside, and I wonder why isn’t he coming in. However, I get in the car, and the look on his face scares me. “What’s wrong with you?” I ask. “Why do you look that pale? And where were you yesterday? I could never reach you.”

“I’m having a really hard time,” he just says.

“Why is that?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot yesterday, like really thinking about nothing else, and I made a dozen Istikhara prayers then I came to a final decision.”

“About what?” I ask in bewilderment.

“I’m leaving Reham,” he says.

“What?!” I don’t know this shocks me that hard, although I’ve always waited for him to take that decision.

“There’s no way this was gonna work, Adam. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I still feel like crying over it. You know I loved her, but we were never going to fit. Everything was so wrong, so uncomfortable, it was a total mess.”

“Did you tell her?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says, “I called her this morning and told her my decision, then talked to her father.”

“What did they say?”

“Her father was quite understanding, he even kept apologizing for what his daughter had put me through, but she,” he sighs, “she kept crying and cursing me, then said she was a fool to choose me over all the guys who’d proposed to her.”

“I don’t think she ever loved you.”

“Thanks for that, Adam,” he says shooting me a look.

“I’m sorry, bro, but I know you deserve better,” I say. “I’m actually happy for you, I know Allah is keeping the best for you.”

“Inshallah,” he smiles sadly.

When we finally reach the airport, we get out of the car, and before I leave this time, I hug Ahmed tightly and pat on his back. “She isn’t worth your sadness, brother.”

“Take care,” he says patting on my back as well.

“Inshallah.”

***

On the last night I’m staying in Malaysia, I just can’t wait anymore, I call Mariam.

“Asslamu’alikom,” she says sleepily.

“Were you sleeping?” I ask.

“Yes,” she yawns. “But I’m awake now. How are you?”

“Alhamdulillah, I’m fine.” I pause. “I want to ask you something.”

“What is it?”

“Did–” I consider asking it for one last time. “Did she–”

“No, she hasn’t said her answer yet,” she answers. It’s good to have someone who understands you even when you don’t speak.

“It’s been five days, Mariam, I didn’t think it’d take that long. It’s just nerve-racking.”

“I know,” she sighs. “But I can understand her. First of all she’s really young, Adam; she will be scared. Then I can imagine her thinking and weighing all the results and consequences in her head. It’s not easy to just leave you parents and your home, and go live with someone you don’t know.”

“There will be an engagement first, she’ll get to know me,” I say.

“Whatever, it still is scary.” I sigh this time.

“I hope it doesn’t take her longer than this to decide,” I say.

“I hope that, too. Get some sleep Adam, you’ll be having a long trip tomorrow.”

“Okay, see you tomorrow inshallah,” I say.

“Inshallah,” she replies hanging up.

I keep turning in bed–totally unable to sleep. The amount of what-ifs in my head is driving me nuts. What if she doesn’t like me? What if she already likes someone else? What if none of this is true and she would just refuse me because she’s scared like Mariam said?

And without realizing it, I doze off.

***

I arrive home the next day, really late at night. I go home, and don’t even find the energy to eat dinner; I go straight to bed after sitting like fifteen minutes with my family.

I wake up the next day, and it’s been a week since I proposed to Leen. They haven’t called back. I kept thinking about calling Mr. Aly myself, but decided against it every time. I should wait. Best things are for those who wait, those who can manage to be patient.

I have always known patience is such a difficult thing, and an extremely challenging test, but I don’t think it was ever that hard.

I call Ahmed, as I went to sleep yesterday when he was here I haven’t had time to speak with him. We decide to hang out today, he said he’ll pass by me because “you’ve had enough driving, already.” And I couldn’t refuse such an offer.

~~~

I know this is a 'very' short chapter, but I just had to put it. So I promise I'll do my best to update once more during this week so you have two updates instead of one ;) 

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Nouran.