The Deal I Made With Theodore Nott - NL x TN

39

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That wasn't so bad.
I thought to myself when we got back to Longbottom Cottage.

I wasn't embarrassed like I had been before, and the sinking feeling I had before the visit was completely gone. The only thing that seemed to be off was the mood.

Ever since we left, Theo had been slightly off. He never said he was upset or even expressed it- but that melancholy like state he was in felt familiar. I wasn't sure if I could break him out of it.

"Shall we bake cookies now?" Dove asked as she lifted herself from the couch and made her way to the kitchen.

"I dunno Dove-" I began, my eyes lingering on Theo whom hadn't looked towards me in a long while.

"Why do you keep trying to change tradition Neville? We bake cookies every Christmas Eve. Cmon Theo, I need help in here!" Dove replied.

Theo grunted an answer and begrudgingly lifted himself from his seat and made his way to the kitchen. An owl tapped on the kitchen window and Dove went to fetch it, but when I saw what owl it was I sprinted ahead of her to grab the letter before anyone could see.

At least I hoped I got to it in time.
I was of course wrong.

As I walked away Theo had noticed.
"That's from Blaise." He replied plainly.

"Y-yes it's from Blaise." I said tentatively as I faced him. Still not opening the letter.

Theo looked between my eyes and the letter.
"Why is Blaise sending you letters?" He asked with a slight tone of distrust.

Dove continued baking, finding the arguing made her quite nervous but she didn't want to intrude. She tried her best to maneuver around us in the small kitchen, attempting to mind her own business as best she could in this situation.

"Because he's my mate? Don't you want your friends to like me?" I asked nervously, he was stepping towards me now, and I knew if he tried he could easily grab the letter.

His eyes flashed at my words.
"You're lying- why would you lie to me Nev?" He asked me. His voice still had that distrust but now a thin layer of betrayal fell over him.

"I-"

But instead of stepping forward, Theo instead took a step back. This caused Dove to spill her hard work all over the floor. The mixing bowl she was using fell with a loud clang.

The noise was surprisingly loud and caused me to cover my ears, when I looked back at where the mess was- Theo was already on his hands and knees attempting to clean it.

"I'm sorry- I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to. Oh Merlin I'm so sorry." He kept repeating.

Dove and I lock eyes before she drops to crouch beside him. When she placed her hand on his shoulder he flinched at first but then settled and looked up to meet her gaze.

"Theo... it's okay." She said plainly.
She flicked her wand and cleaned the mess without much struggle, but Theo wasn't persuaded.

I could see it was his trauma over taking him. The memory of when he told me about breaking a vase in his home washed over me.

"It's not okay." He choked. "I'm not okay."

I reached for his busy hands, taking them into mine. It finally pulled him from whatever daze he was in at this point. He glimpsed at me with a blank emotionless expression. Years of living with his father trained him this way, and I hated seeing this side of him. I wanted him to cry, yell, something. But instead he looked so lifeless.

"What's going on?" I asked plainly. An open enough question, one that didn't point blame or coerce anything specific out of him.

He fell into a sitting position on the floor, looking downwards while Dove and I sat beside him. When it was clear to me that my question was too broad I decided to narrow it down for him.
"What's one emotion you're feeling right now?"

"Scared." He stated plainly.

It was like a punch to the gut. I hated it. I hated that Theo, someone so strong and brave and unapologetic, could feel this way so easily.

"Okay- what caused you to feel scared right now?" Dove continued.

Theo sighed.
"I dunno-"

"Cmon Theo, you can tell us." I reassured him, rubbing comforting circles onto his back. His muscles relaxed slightly at my touch.

"Visiting your parents made me happy, I was grateful to meet them. But then it made me nervous, because death eaters did that to them. People like my father. My father has proven to me that he is fully capable of doing something like that- and I just- I don't want him to hurt anyone I care about. I don't know if I could live with myself knowing that happened to anyone because of me." Theo explained. He looked up at me with teary eyes.

"I want this life, I want this life so bad- but I don't want to risk hurting you because I'm being selfish." He finally said.

I fiddled with Blaise's letter in my hand. I wondered if it was worth it telling Theo, but I decided against it. He was under too much stress already.

He was strong. He's Theodore Nott for Merlin's sake. Why isn't he brave? Why couldn't I help him be brave?

Am I not worth being brave for?

"It's my decision too, it's not just yours. That weight doesn't fall on your shoulders alone. I can make my own choices." I stated.

"Neville- you don't know my father. You don't know what he is capable of."

"Yes I do, you said it yourself. Plus i'd choose to rot in a hospital room with you for the rest of my life over living without you, I'd choose that life a million times over." I explained.

"Neville don't say that." Dove stated with shock.

I stood up abruptly.
"Why does everyone keep acting like I'm some delicate child? I'm an adult and I can make my own decisions, I don't need you all worrying about me like this. I don't want you to be like this Theo. You're acting like you are the only one being selfish but I'm putting your life at risk just as much as you are with mine." I yelled.

"I know that- I know you aren't weak Nev I just-"

Fuck.

"Theo, you don't have to explain yourself. I understand. I'm sorry I yelled." I said as I pulled him into a hug.
"I'll be right back." I noted before heading up stairs to my room.

I ripped open the letter as fast as I could. I needed good news, I needed to know Theo was going to be okay after all this.

Neville,

My plans took longer than I hoped. I wanted to get this figured out before Christmas but I'm not certain that's possible. I'm so relieved to hear Theo is safe with you but I do want to warn you, Nott Sr is already asking around for the location of his son. Please lay low, don't leave the house. He has eyes and ears everywhere.

Just hang tight with him a little bit longer, I promise it will be worth it.

-Blaise Zabini

This was it? "Hang tight?" How was I supposed to do that when Theo was spiraling from Holidays ending and I still had no answer on what was going to happen to him.

"Don't leave the house."

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck-

The hospital...