Collection of one shots

Just talk to me | dark shadows

~Julia Hoffman~
TW: light talk of SA in childhood
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I'm not sure what exactly has been 'wrong' with me these past few weeks. Everything just feels off and things I haven't thought about in years keep replaying in my mind. It's all like a never ending movie, the kind you never wanted to watch in the first place.

As a result I've been more irritable than usual and just not really wanting to do anything. Given that my girlfriend is basically a part of the Collins family, I don't really have many expectations set on me. We live here for free and there's really no need to go anywhere else.

I mean of course I have money, mostly from my family's trust fund. I just don't see the point in using it unless it's really important. With all of that said I know Julia can sense a change. Well, everyone can really and I hate that. I've always been good at hiding my emotions but this house is different.

It's like there's something in the air that just makes it seep out of my pores for everyone to see. I try my best to keep it under wraps but it's like they can sense the slightest change in energy. It just feels like everything I do and everything I try never works out.

I focus really hard on it but it never turns out how I want it to. I haven't been pushing my girlfriend away because I'm mad at her or anything. In the nicest way possible, it has absolutely nothing to do with her. It's me. I'm the problem. I can't quite seem to work out how to fix it this time.

"Darling?" I hear her call for me, I turn my head towards the door. I see her head peaking in as she assesses me sitting at the desk in the study. She does that a lot, not even realizing it. That's how I know that she knows something is wrong. It's just in her nature to psychoanalyze people I mean it is her job after all.

She enters the room and closes the door behind her. "I was hoping to find you here" she sighs softly as she walks around the desk. Her hand gently runs across my cheek before resting there. "I can tell something has been going on with you..." she starts, making me involuntarily roll my eyes.

"Don't do that. Talk to me, honey" she pleads with me. "I'm. Fine. I'm not one of your patients, Julia" I scoff and turn away from her. I know it's in her nature to want to help, trust me I really do. I know she can't help but to assess every situation from a psychological perspective. I never said I liked it.

She turns the chair back around and holds the armrests firmly so I can't move. "I know that. You're my girlfriend, who I love and care about very deeply. That's why I'm asking you these things, I want you to be honest with me" she says sternly but in a soft tone.

"I don't wanna talk about it, ok?" I say quietly and she stares at me for a moment before saying anything. "Darling..." she sighs as she kneels down and puts her hands on my thighs. "Please... don't touch me" I whisper to her and she takes her hands away resting them in her lap.

"You can't say you're fine and then act like this, baby. It's clear you're not ok, regardless of my area of study. I know you... and I know it's hard for you to talk about things. But the longer you sit with this, the harder it will be in the long run" she expresses. I know she's right but that doesn't make it any easier.

"I just can't, Lia" I tell her looking at my hands in my lap. "Please, baby. I want to help but I need you to tell me what it is first" she says taking my hand. "Why do I have to say it?" I ask playing with a ring on her finger. "Well I'm not a mind reader, sweetie. Besides, it helps to say it out loud so you can process it" she advises, squeezing my hand lightly.

I look up at her for a brief moment to see her looking at me with a worried look in her eyes. "It's really not a big deal" I sigh, "with all due respect, honey, it is a big deal. You haven't let me so much as hold you for a week now. I've been trying to give you space, literally, but it's taking a toll on you. The sex isn't the problem, I don't care about that. I care about you... and I miss cuddling with you" she says sadly.

"Old things are coming up again" I whisper, and slowly lift my head to gaze into her eyes. "Ok, like what?" She asks quietly and I take my time replying. Trying to figure out how to explain it without making myself emotional. "Him" I say and she looks at me confused for a moment before her face relaxes.

"Did someone touch you?" She asks slowly and I nod. She gives me an understanding look and takes a deep breath. I just stare at her waiting for her to say something. I don't know what I'm expecting but I know she's thinking really hard about it.

"When?" She asks in a tone I can't quite decipher at the moment. "When I was a kid" I tell her, "do you know what triggered it?" She asks caressing my hand in a soothing motion. Surprisingly her questions aren't overwhelming me. I didn't think this is how it would go but I should've known.

She always know how to calm me down and keep me levelheaded. "Barnabas" I say simply, "did he do something to you?" She asks and I can tell by the tone of her voice that my answer is very important to her. She's very protective of me and the look in her eyes as she waits for my answer, proves that once again.

"No... I'm just not used to such a... strong force in the house. It's like he walked in that door and as soon as I saw him everything came flooding back" I tell her. "So... I'm a little confused. Can you help me understand?" She asks and I nod telling her to go on.

"Roger and Willie have been here since we came. You never had an issue with them" she voices. "Yes, well, it's not all men that scare me necessarily. I mean Roger is quite passive and Willie couldn't hurt a fly even if he wanted to. But, Barnabas? I don't know him well and from what I've seen he's very head strong. It's not hard to imagine something could happen" I explain.

"You know I would never let anything happen to you, right?" She asks reaching her hands up to hold my cheeks. "Well I know you would do anything in your power to make sure. But you can't prevent everything, Lia" I say.

"Y/n listen to me carefully, and I mean hear me good. I will NEVER let anything happen to you. Barnabas won't so much as let his gaze linger in your direction. Don't underestimate me, sweet girl. I can't speak for outside this house at all times, but inside? You should always feel, and will always be safe" she stresses.

"Thank you" I whisper as soft smile makes its way in my face. "That's what I like to see. Hug?" She asks holding her arms out for me and I nod. She pulls me up and hugs me tightly just reassuring me that I'm safe. "Now how about we have a little lunch on the balcony and then I'll have that talk with Barnabas, hm?" She suggests and I nod with a big smile on my face.

She kisses my cheek and holds the other in her hand as she looks at me lovingly.

"I love you, baby girl"

"I love you too"