The Freelancers React to red vs blue

The Best Laid Plans

Fades in on Tucker lying face down in the ground, with Donut standing over him

Tucker: (lifeless moans)

Donut: Come on mister blue guy, you gotta wake up. Wake up.

Tucker: It hurts. Just let me die.

Donut: You can't die, I'm bored! All these girls wanna talk about is chick stuff, and not the fun chick stuff like ribbons and unicorns.

"The day Tex starts talking about ribbons and unicorns is the day I get shot." South snorted.

Talk about ribbons and unicorns, quick. Wash mouthed to Tex desperately but immediately gave South his best innocent look when she whipped her head toward him.

The corner of Tex's quirked in amusement as South narrowed her eyes at Wash before muttering something to North.

If anything, they're entertaining. Tex thought.

Cut to Tex and Sheila

Tex: I don't have treads, but I often find them staring at things they really shouldn't be.

Cut back to Donut and Tucker

Donut: You see? Boring stuff like oppression, and a hostile work environment.

"You poor thing," CT said sarcastically. The other women in the theater shared her sentiments and some of the men took notes because they, y'know, value their lives.

Tucker: Get Doc, I need Doc.

Donut: I can't. He got possessed by that evil guy and they escaped. He's the one that shot you. Don't you remember?

Tucker: I know. I want him to shoot me again.

"I'll do it," South volunteered gleefully.

"I'll help," CT offered.

Donut: Now now now, sounds like someone's got a case of the "poor me"s. If you were gonna die you would have done it by now! Maybe you just need to realize, you're gonna have to live with intense pain.

Tucker: Get that Sarge guy, have him make me a new body.

Donut: Huhg, we can't. We're out of parts because we overused that joke. And Sarge left with the others to chase Doc. But don't you worry, they left a long time ago, so I'm sure they'll be back any minute. Simmons had a fool-proof plan to catch him.

Cut to Simmons in one of many similar corridors of grey between red walls

Simmons: Hellooooo... Hello? Is anybody here? Just great. I guess we all got separated in the teleporter.

Radio sounds

Simmons: Sarge. This is Simmons 2.0, do you read me. Apparently your plan to chase Lopez and Doc has failed miserably. I appear to be stuck in some kind of nexus of teleporters, which could take me anywhere in the Universe... Or it's a janitor's closet, the hell I don't fucking know, Sarge, are you there, Sarge!

Wash scrunched up his face in confusion. "Why would a janitor's closet have that many teleporters?"

"Why wouldn't they? It would sure make getting to whatever mess you need to clean up a hell of a lot easier, especially if you're lugging the cart with you." York answered, stretching his arms above his head.

"You sound like you speak from experience," CT noted.

York shrugged. "I've had a few odd jobs over the years. Whatever pays the bills, y'know? Besides," York continued with a grin. "I've become a sort of jack-of-all-trades from all those jobs. I know how to do just about everything."