The Freelancers React to red vs blue

Dealer Incentive

Tucker and Caboose have Donut surrounded inside the blue base.

Tucker: So, they send a female assassin to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. ...Unless you wanna date one of us.

"Oh Jesus, here we go," CT groaned.

Donut: Female!? I'm not a girl.

Tucker: Tease.

Donut: I just have, light red armor.

Caboose: How is that pink armor anyway? Looks comfortable...

Donut: At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' aweful. But the crotch in this pink one is surprisingly roomy!

"Thank god we have custom armor," York praised. Every other guy in the room agreed with him.

"Good for you," South remembered how tight her chest plate is.

North seemed to know what she was thinking—stupid twin powers—and sighed. "That's your own fault. You wouldn't let him measure you so they had to do a lot of guesswork."

"I wasn't going to let that creep measure me," She snapped. "He was leering and trying to get handsy with me. So yeah, I wasn't going to let him touch my boobs."

"He was what?" North demanded hostilely. "Why didn't you get a different person to take your measurements?"

"I'm just surprised you didn't kick his ass," Niner commented.

"And get kicked out of the program before we even got on the ship? As appealing as it was to break every bone in his body, no thanks." South scoffed.

CT made a mental note to get the man's name from South and go fuck with his retirement money.

Tucker: Silence woman!

Cut to Sarge addressing Simmons and Grif.

Sarge: Good Bhudda's noodle, how could this have happened?

Simmons: It's okay sir. It was a strong plan, Grif's just a dumbass.

Grif: Hey, I'm using your cerebral cortex.

"How does that even...?" Wash squinted at the screen, trying to figure it out.

"Wash, what have I said?" York asked.

"'Don't think about it.'" Wash recited, happy to have an excuse to not think about the dumpster fire that was going on.

Sarge: Settle down, ladies. We need a new strategum, and we need it fast.

Simmons: Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything.

Grif: Everything like what, where we keep his tampons?

Sarge: You're right about that, Simmons. The boy doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh these kids today!

Church enters the blue base with Tucker waiting for him.

Church: How's it goin', Tucker? We get any useful information outta the prisoner yet?

Tucker: I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything... except a list of crock pot recipes. Would that be useful?

Church: Do we have a crock pot?

Tucker: No, Caboose made a trade with that annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a mystery box.