The Day My Dream Died

41 - New Stagger

— 41 —

New Stagger

//\\

It is strange being alone in a stranger's home. Stranger still to lie in her bed, cozied into her blankets. The first moment alone since... since trying to kill herself. She doesn't want to think about it—wants to forget it, but it sticks to her, coagulated on her neck. Looking up into the dark, she can think of nothing else.

It isn't good. It isn't productive thought. Not questioning, trying to work it out. Just, dwelling in the same space, feeling mortified at her own mind. Trying to climb out, her hands slick with the blood, she slips. To merely reach the rope again is beyond her.

Why try...

Forget the plateau, she can hardly climb out of the bed on her own without a deadly amount of painkillers. I'm only wasting time. It will be years before I see the top again. Yet reaching Seli in her condition is an even steeper ascent. She's tried, but as she is, another attempt is pointless.

So why try...

A rap at the door startles her from the dark. She listens as they knock again, but doesn't bother getting up. It is someone bringing her belongings, probably; Aleen had said she would send for them. When they pound harder, Lise longs to take from the glass bottle on the nightstand, brimming with painkillers.

Instead, she calls out, "Come in!"

Her voice is too feeble to reach them apparently, as the pounding persists, now a knock knock knock knock knock...

Her body tingles—heavy with the potent medicine. She reaches over and plucks two off the top, popping them in and swallowing. Grimacing at the bitterness, she takes a breath, preparing for the pain now inherent to every action.

"I'm coming in!" A voice calls with the opening click of the door.

Lise sighs—first frustrated, then relieved.

"Hello? I have a bag of your things... Where are you? It's very dark."

"In here..."

"Oh! Here's a candle. Do you think it's alright if I light it?"

"I don't know, it's not mine."

"Then maybe I shouldn't... What if she's saving it for something?"

"Just light it."

"Are you sure? You said it wasn't yours."

"I lied. It's mine."

"Oh, well, you should consider not doing that. It's bad for your spirit."

Lise is half-certain it was the same girl from earlier, based on the wispy voice. "I was testing you."

"Ooooh, I understand... How do I light this?"

She struggles to remain patient, "There should be a flick-lighter with my things."

"Why do you carry around this little book? Wait, is this a claw? Oh, is it this box thing?"

"Yes, the box thing. Bring it to me."

Though she sees nothing, she hears her bump, trip and stumble her way into the room. Breathing heavy, she feels around with her hands. When Lise feels the cold fingers pressing against her cheek, she reaches up and takes her by the wrist.

"Hold still. Hand me the box thing."

"I-Is that you? Are you touching my arm?"

"Yes. Give me the lighter."

"Oh! Harmony has shielded me, I feared the worst!"

"The lighter."

"Here you go."

It lands on her chest.

The remnants of the most vehement FUUUCK! she's ever thought hiss between her teeth. Plunged into cold agony, shivering, suffocating, she doesn't attempt to surface for the pain isn't worth the next breath. Her lungs burn, quaking in her chest, but no matter her body's disagreement she doesn't inhale. Her head throbs, hot and bloated. Then nothing.

Clammy hands prods her face, squishing her cheeks, feeling. It takes her a moment to remember where she is, what happened.

"Thtop." She growls, spitting out a salted finger.

"Is that you? I can't see. Why weren't you responding?"

"Lost consciou–"

Pain waits at a distance, shrouded in smoky black. She can't see its face, but knows its leer on her skin, prickling. Fear. Fear it will near again, peel away its veil. Fear. She takes a moment to breathe, watching her pain, wary of its silent step. It will creep up again, patient in its predation, but she can manage that with some vigilance. It is the lurch, the sudden leap—catching her on her off-foot, consuming her whole—that she really fears.

She clears her throat, never turning her gaze. She speaks in soft bursts between strained breaths. "Pain... I lost consciousness... Lighter landed... on me."

Careful, she reaches up and lifts the flick-lighter from between her breasts, and presses the button. It lights first try.

Pelanea, wide-eyed, staggers back in shock. "Oh!"

"Yeah..."

"Wait, was it you this whole time?"

Lise looks through her, trying to feel anything but drug-addled ire. "No, I just got here."

"...Really?"

She breathes. "Hand me the candle."