Boulevard Of Broken Dreams [ Wattys 2015 ]

l a s t c h a p t e r (I)

H a r r y ' s P O V

Lou helped me choose a black suit for that day. I didn't even care how I looked because it didn't help the situation. It was her funeral.

I pushed my hair back and sat on the sofa arm, watching Kris greeting the people coming in and out of the house. All of them feeling sorry for her, for me, for us.

I looked away, staring at my hands.

Did I kill her, or did I save her? I think I did both. 

I was not really feeling sad or depressed, but I felt lost, with an open hole in my chest and could almost sense the air touching it's edges. I was empty, like a full baloon with nothing inside.  In less than half a hours I was going to meet a graveyard and observe the body of my dearest while it was buried in an underground pit. The body I still loved to touch, discover, love. I felt a hand on my shoulder and it felt like a ghost was hovering me. I turned my head and Kris was in front of me, keeping a straight face with her blood shot eyes and dark rings under them.

"It's time." she whispered and let go of me.

I nodded and we made our way outside. I breathed but didn't feel any oxygen in my lungs. We got inside the car as other people did the same. 

And here I was.

People sitting in the background, me with knitted hands standing in front of the coffin, inhaling the absurd smell. I was supposed to make a speech, but I didn't think of one the day before. I was too busy drowning in an half empty bath tub. 

"Demi.. Was not like everyone else. She had this atmosphere around her ..."

I continued talking just crap that really had no sense for me because I couldn't explain to these living sticks what such a person meant to me. Demi was my whole world, it was all I ever asked for but life liked to take away things I wanted. What did the money I owned served for when it couldn't buy me what I needed most; her sanity and breath?

I finished my speech and watched as they buried her body. A priest told me in the morning that it was nice and respectful to kiss her goodbye on her forehead. But as soon as I saw her blank, fading to grey face, a ball threatened my throat and I just looked away. Someone so beautiful didn't deserve to look like that, didn't deserve to be in that, bed. So I just let go of the idea.

"My condolences." A gray haired man brought me back to earth and I looked up.

It was my father. He was waiting for me to shake his hand. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion and stood straight to face him.

"Father." I said dryly, slightly touching his hand.

"Harold." he replied the same way, caressing my neck with his rough hand. "How are you feeling?"

I wanted to shove him away and unload all my hate, which he himself caused. But right now I felt too tired to speak. For that day at least, I swallowed my pride, just for her sake.

"Tired." I responded, not really awaiting for an answer.

He read my thoughts and just nodded. I don't think he had much to say anyway.

I saw Kris get inside the room with a wrapped package in her hands, pinching the bridge of her nose as she saw the presence of my father.

"Um, excuse me. Harry, could you come for a minute?" she said and gestured for the other room.

"Yes." I replied and followed her into the empty room.

She looked down at the thing between her fingers and handed it to me.

"I think Demi left this for you." she whispered and left it to me.

I recognised Demi's writing almost automatically.

  "To my cheeky bastard ♥

                      From Demi"

I smiled at the little note and decided to open the thing later, in my own privacy.

I fell into my welcoming bed with the package in my hands and opened it carefully, levealing inside an envelope, a diary and a small gift.

I opened the envelope and unfolded the letter inside, my heart stinging as I saw her writing and started reading.

 "Hi.

I know this isn't exactly the way people start letters but classic isn't my thing so don't expect some deep shit from me.

So, straight to the facts. I know that when you'll read this, I won't be there with you excusing myself for my lame sense of humor. But I don't want you to be sad, because I'm not. Even if I'm dead, I'm happy. Because in these last months I have had wondeful people around me and the most special of them was you.

You. You. You.

I don't think the world could fit a book with all the words I could use to describe you.

I still remember right now the moment that I first met you. I remember thinking to myself that I had definitely been hallucinating, for you seemed like a vision of perfection to me, so much so that I felt my heart frozen when you looked at me and smiled. And also made that stupid comment I still laugh thinking of.

I know it sounds like out of some cheesy romance novel but after all this while you still managed to take my breath away. I love you, it is a spell that you have cast on me I know, and if I rest happily today, it's sure because of you.

Sometimes late at night, I lied in my bed and thought about us. It has been such an amazing ride, the kind that we never thought we'll be able to make through. I know that life is full of trials and that we cannot get what we want always, but I knew that when I had you, I could make it through any kind of situation. Your love had filled me hope and had given me the strength to face my fears, which is something for which I shall be eternally grateful. 

And I loved you, I love you and I will love you, even if your heart one day will spin in another direction.

I don't have much to say, I don't think there are words enough for me to talk to you. But please, accept this little gift I am making you as the least of the endless gratitude and love I have for you.

I wish you the best in this life and even though I did mess up a lot, I please you to remember me with a smile, because that's how I remember you Harry.

PS: Try not to piss Kris off - she kind of hates you a little bit and I don't know how that will go :-P

Love,

DEMI."

I breathed trying to hold back the tears again, but I was smiling. I opened the little gift and saw a little silver paper plane necklace. I smiled and put it on my chest, reminding myself to never take it off again. I reached the little diary and as soon as I read the first page, I knew it was the diary she always wrote in. I was the only one besides her who read it, and it was sure that I was the only person she'd wanted to keep it. I squeezed it to my chest and closed my eyes, saying;

"Goodbye, Demi."

And somewhere far away, maybe with the wind through my open window I heard someone whisper..

"Goodbye, Harry."