Crimson [Completed]

Nori 'y Presa 35

Chapter 35

My mother didn't stop me from going out of the hospital, I am now sitting on a large sofa waiting for her mother. Kanina pa ako nandito and I told her everything na naranasan ko with her daughter.

Up until now ay naguguluhan parin ako kung talaga bang imagination ko lang siya, or she was really with me during those times, at ang mag papatunay nun ay si Nanay Bering.

She can see Noris too just like I did, nakakausap raw niya ito noong nasa bamboo house kami. She told me everything na kailangan kong malaman, kaya naman pala pinag uusapan ako ng mga matatanda doon ay dahil nag sasalita ako ng mag isa.

Lahat din ng napuntahan namin ni Noris, sa resto, nag tataka rin sila kung bakit pumunta ako doon ng mag isa, but I ordered food for two people. I picked a table good for two people.

My therapist is studying those pictures that were taken during our trip to the island, the time when I took photos of her, the time when we decided to take a selfie together.

It was an empty picture, without her in it. Sa mga photos namin together ay ako lang ang nandoon. Bakit napaka daya ng panahon saakin. I fell in love with the ghost of a very beautiful woman. 

It made sense when Ricky said that he saw me alone in the carnival. It also hit me hard when I realized those confused faces of the vendors, kaya pala sila nag tatanong kung bakit dalawa ang mga binibili ko kahit pa mag isa ko lang. 

I now understand those confused stares from the people around us during the first time that she brought me to perya.

I can't imagine kung gaano ako nag mukhang tanga sa lahat ng taong nakakita saakin, nag sasalita ng mag isa, nakikipag usap sa wala. 

Only Nanay Bering can understand me, I am with her ghost all along, she's not just in my imagination but I am happy because I met her ghost. I had the opportunity of knowing who Noris Majed is, I had the greatest time with her even though in the eyes of others I was alone.

They will never know what kind of happiness she gave me. They will never find out what had happened between us in that split rock, they will never understand the feeling of loving a ghost of someone, that someone is a wonderful human being na mabilisang kinuha ng mundo.

That someone na hindi ko makikita ng buhay. 

My tears, hindi na napagod tumulo. It's been 48 hours since I found out that she's dead. And today is the date kung kailan siya dadalhin dito.

Nag hihintay nalang kami.

"Iha? This is the letter that was found inside her friend's house, and this one belongs to Noris". Her mother handed me two letters and a ring.

This ring is very familiar, suot suot niya ito palagi. I smiled in pain and I caress the design.

"I miss you". I cried.

I opened the first letter, at letter ito mismo ng taong nag tago ng pagkamatay niya.  They said that they only found this piece of paper because this friend of Noris also committed suicide.

They found her body and she was holding this  letter. I gently opened it and started reading.

To the Family of my dearest friend Noris,

I want to apologize for keeping her death up until now. I feel so ashamed of what I did, I just love her so much the reason why I decided to keep this for this long. I promised to her that I will keep her death, to never tell her family and friends but it gets to the point wherein I can no longer have the courage to keep it. During the process I became depressed, keeping her death is like a big rock behind my back. Writing this made me the saddest person in the world, Not only I lost my dearest but I also lost myself and I want to end my suffering just like what Noris did. I lost my hope when she decided to kill herself, and I promised to her I will also kill myself after a month. And this night, this will be my end, I want my freedom too, Noris is already free, she told me. She left a note for her family to read, I will attach it behind this paper. She told me to give this when I decided to end me too.
This is it, I apologize for everything, I apologize for my sins and deeds.  But, I want you to know that Noris killed herself because she's tired of everything, and that is my very own reason too. We are tired of this world, to people, to our families, to ourselves, we feel like we are useless. Tell my family not to worry about me, because I am sure I will be with my dearest soonest. Depression is our big enemy that killed us, and we both lost in the battle.

Her friend, Owen

While reading the letter I couldn't stop sobbing. Her mother is caressing my back, sinusubukan niyang pagaanin ang nararamdaman ko. 

"Oh my ghad! Bakit hindi kita kaagad nakilala Noris!". I cried. I was crying, ilang oras na akong umiiyak, wala akong maayos na tulog, I was thinking about her, about my Noris. 

"She left us without a word. Ang buong akala ko ay nag ta-travel lang siya with her friends, hindi ko alam na depress na pala ang anak ko. Hindi ko alam na mayroon pala siyang pinag dadaanan and I failed as her mother Iha.". We are both crying silently. 

I miss her kisses, her scent and her face. How I wish na sana totoo nalang ang lahat ng nangyari saamin. Kung may paraan lang para mabuhay siya ulit ay gagawin ko.

I look at the note at the back of the paper and caress her penmanship. She wrote this with her hand, I want to feel her alive but it'll never happen. 

I will be fine mom. This way I can end my suffering, I'm too tired to fight, I am too weak to dig my hope. Remember me, remember I love you. To dad, i'm sorry because it's so sudden. I hate to say goodbye but I have to,  if I continue to live I know I will still end up being a burden to the family. To you, my brother, don't think that it's your fault. This is my choice and I apologize for everything. Please still remember me, I would be happy if you continue to feed my fishes. Until next time Mom, dad and Kuya.

Your Noris. 

Dito na bumigay ang katawan ko at napa sandal nalang sa sofa. Bakit sobrang sakit?! Bakit sobra naman yatang hirap tanggapin na wala na siya, na wala na ang taong gusto kong makasama habang may buhay.

"Noris". I cried, umiyak ako ng umiyak. Sobrang hirap. Sobrang sakit ng ibinigay mo saakin Noris.