Kiss on my list (Joel Miller x reader)

traitor

Traitor- Olivia Rodrigo

Joel and I get ready for dinner at Linda and Mikaelas.

Ellie was playing with Caroline and Aiden when we got to the house. We sit at the dinner table and start talking.

The sound of forks and knife tapping against the plates as we eat filled the room. We all sat in a comfortable silence until Linda spoke up.

"So Joel, what brings you over here?" She asks, taking a bite of her food.

"I had to go to Bill and Franks to grab a few things." Joel explains, taking a sip of his water. I could tell something bothered him when Linda asked, but I didn't want to bring it up.

We continue talking and get into the topic of past relationships.

"I remember my first girlfriend, it was in 1990 and I met this girl in a bar, she was a tattoo artist, smoking hot body -"

Mikaela clears her throat to grab Linda attention. "Oh, my love, you know I love you." Linda reassures Mikaela, giving her a small kiss on the cheek.

"So what caused the relationship to end?" Mikaela asks. "Well, I met you. Also, she had a wife I didn't know about." Linda says.

Mikaela hums in response. "Caroline's dad had a wife too, I was the mistress." Mikaela says.

"Damn, he sucks." I say. She nods. "He said he was gonna divorce her because she couldn't have babies, but when I told him I was pregnant, he flipped out and told me he still loved her.." She says, sipping her water.

"Wow.." I say. Joel had a concerned face. "Yeah, but the coward decided to stay for the nine months until Caroline came out, then he dumped me because he still loved his wife.. poor woman.." Mikaela says.

"Johnathon was his name.." She adds.

My heart sunk.. "Um.. what was his uh, last name?" I ask. "Richard's? Why?" She asks. I feel my breathing getting heavier.

I had a photo of John in my wallet, it was from our wedding.. I pull it out and show it to Mikaela, my voice breaking slightly.

"Is that him?" I ask. Her face drops as she looks at the photo. She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. I put the photo on the table and stood up.. "I'm sorry.. i.." I pause and just walk outside..

The whole world crashes beneath me.. the words I wanted to say came out in sobs as I walked inside my house.. the photos on the wall mocking me..

I wanted to yell at him.. but it was pointless.. just as him saying he loves me.. but those were only 3 words he forced out of his stupid face that I used to call handsome..

I sat on my bed, wasting more tears on him.. I had different questions for him.. but one of them stuck out far beyond the rest.

What could I have done to stop you?

Could I have had better fertility?

Could I have dressed up more?

Could I have not put so much fucking time into this relationship that I still loved you years after you passed?

What could I have done?

There was a knock at the door. Joel walks in. He sees me and his eyes flash in a small amount of anger but rested to sadness at seeing me in this state.

"Are you ok?" He asks, sitting next to me. I shake my head.. "I spent all these years still loving him.. I didn't know I could hate him so much but still love him.. it hurts Joel." I say. He rests his hand on my leg.

"He's a piece of shit.. you don't need that in your life." Joel says. "You don't understand Joel.. he was my everything.. we planned everything together.. it's hard to hate him.." I say.

"Y/n.. you don't need that.. you were hurt by a man who vowed to never hurt you." Joel says.

"I just wish I could like turn back time or something and maybe I could have done something to be a better wife." I say sniffling.

"Don't say that.." Joel says.

"It's true, don't lie to me Joel.. I obviously did something wrong.. I couldn't give him a child.. I couldn't give him the family he wanted, he died unhappy, I was there Joel, holding him, I thought we were so happy together.." I say as I wipe my eyes.

"No." Joel says sternly. "No? Why does what you think matter? He's already dead and he died knowing that he could have had a better wife, not a bag of fucking sadness." I say.

Joel stands up. "You wanna know what I actually think? I think you need to stop crying over a guy who wouldn't cry over you, I think you should realize that I have fucking loved you since we were 12 years old, I think you should realize that you love me too, because 11 years ago we kissed and I felt something, and you can't sit there and tell me you didn't feel it too." Joel rants, his eyes never leaving mine.

I look into his eyes, his eyes full of love and longing..

My body moves on its own, my feet weighed on the wooden floorboards beneath me and I stand up and kiss Joel.. he tenses up slightly but melts into it, he puts his hands on my waist and pulls me close to him. My hands cup his face..

We stand there, frozen in time.. tasting each other's lips.. his kiss was rough and filled with desire and love..

His hand finds my lower back while his other hand stays on my waist.

We pull apart to get air.. our foreheads still touching.. we look into each other's eyes..

"I love you." Joel whispers.

"I love you too."

We stay like that for a good while, enjoying each other's company.

The day moves on and we sit on the patio, enjoying the sunset.

The sky was painted in blue and orange. The clouds danced around until they were nothing more, and Joel and I sat there, hand in hand, listening to the wind and the sounds of the birds chirping.

I take a deep breath and gently squeeze Joel's hand in contentment. Joel squeezes my hand back and smiles at me.

"I'm so glad I have you.." he says softly, his brown eyes sparkling with admiration and love. "I'm glad I have you too, I never want to lose you.. ever again." I say, returning the smile.

Joel brings my hand to his lips. He places a soft kiss on it, his beard pricking at my skin, tickling it slightly. 

His eyes look into mine before he looks back at the sunset. I admire his features for a while.

"You're staring, darling." He says, a small smirk playing on his lips

"I know.."

His cheeks grow a soft pink. "Ooh, you're blushing." I jokingly tease him. "Oh, whatever. " he says, smiling, rolling his eyes. I chuckle softly.

We sit in a comfortable silence as the world moves around us, the sunset turning into night..

"God, I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you. When she's sleeping in the bed we made, don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me."

A/n: sorry for not uploading for a month, I'm stupid busy with school and also my writing is absolute dog piss and I deeply apologize for that, this story will be under construction for a bit, once again sorry for the cringe writing.