Kiss on my list (Joel Miller x reader)

Alabama

Alabama- Cross Canadian Ragweed.

( This has been my favorite song for the past like a few months, and it kind of fit with the chapter.. yeah)

A year later, we had finished cleaning up the houses, and we even went back to our old homes to get a few sentimental things.

I had taught Caroline to crochet since she couldn't quite understand knitting. Liam had learned to walk. We were all very proud of him.

Marlene gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. She named him Johnathan. After my late husband, I told her she didn't need to, but she insisted.

We even had an extra hand or two. These twin girls offered us cattle if we let them stay. They are an absolute delight to have around.

Even though our lives were going amazing, I felt like something was missing..

Turned out it was someone.. I missed Joel in ways I hadn't even known. I think 30 years of suppressing feelings does that to someone.

Small things started to remind me of him.

It all started when I saw a photo of us at the prom, instead of fancy shoes. Joel wore his work shoes.

After that night. He gave those shoes to Robert, who wears them almost every day.

Even down to couples kissing, I felt childish turning away, but it hurt reminding me he isn't there to hold me or kiss me or even smile at me again.

I would give up anything just to have Joel Miller smile at me once more.

I couldn't let anyone see me upset. Especially Robert, if he knew why I was upset these next few weeks would be hell, he may be an asshole, but he is my asshole brother who teased me if I even looked at a guy.

"Auntie y/n!" Caroline says.

"Hey sugar, what's up." I say. "I made you something!" She says. "Well, what did you make?" I ask.

She pulls out two crocheted squares. "They are wash rags. You can use it in the shower, on your dishes, and on your cabinets." She smiles at me.

"Well, thank you, sugar. I will cherish the heck out of these." I say hugging her. She giggles and runs away.

I sigh as I sink into my chair, which I keep on my patio. "You don't look a day over 100." Robert says. "Oh, haha, very funny, I'm only 10 months older than you." I say.

"I'm not saying I'm the freshest berry in the bush." He says, sitting down in the chair next to mine. I pick up my yarn and start getting to work. "What are you making this time?" He asks. "Your wife requested a laundry basket." I say.

He nods, and we continue conversation. "Auntie y/n!" Aiden says, hugging me. "Hey buddy, what's up?" I asked. "I milked a cow today. Mabel taught me how to." He says.

"Wow, was it hard?" I ask. "Not really. Momma also wants to know if you are coming over for dinner?" He asks, rubbing his nose. "Porbably not tonight, bud. I have stuff to do." I say.

He frowns. "Ok, I gotta go. Bye!" He says, running off. "Go help your wife." I say. "Will you be ok?" Robert asks. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I quirk an eyebrow.

"You seem to be a bit down for a few months anyways, I just wanted to make sure." He says. "Yeah, I'm fine. Go on before I drag you." I say.

"Yeah, yeah ,whatever." He says. I smile at him before he walks off. I continue to rock back and forth as I make the basket.

Joel's pov

It was getting harder to sleep as the days passed. I love Tess, and I always will, but it's not the same as y/n.

I wake up to an empty bed. I look and see Tess cooking. She was wearing one of my shirts. It reminded me of one night in 1983.

I wake up and look at my clock.

12:18.

I walk into my kitchen and see y/n cooking, my mom asleep on the couch. "You still have that shirt?" I ask. "Of course I do. You said orange wasn't your color, so now it's mine. Want pancakes?" She asks. "Always." I say.

We eat our pancakes and go to my room and watch some movies. A few scary ones, which caused y/n to cuddle close to me. "No way you're scared over this." I say.

"Oh, I'm sorry. The next time I see a murderous ghost, I'll just shake its hand and dance the night away." They say. I laugh. "Shut up, Miller, protect me." She says, putting my arm over her shoulder.

"I got you, I got you." I say. Soon, the movie ends, and I look down and see that she is asleep. I smile and kiss her head. I hear a soft giggle. I look and see my mom. "Don't worry, I'm leaving." She says, closing my door.

I sigh as I pull y/n closer to me and drift off.

"Are you just gonna stare at me, or are you gonna eat?" Tess asks, snapping me out of my flashback. "Oh, sorry." I say.

She smiles at me and hands me a plate. We eat in silence and we go out for work. I go on with my day feeling as if something was missing.

Every day, actually.

There was always something wrong. I couldn't figure it out.

I walked back up to our room, and I looked down the hall. Pieces of y/n door were still on the floor. They took the door off months ago but never put  a new one up.

I go back into our room and sit on the couch. I lay down and shut my eyes for a bit. The entire time, i only thought of one thing, y/n.

I remember the night she left. The kiss we shared. I felt like an asshole thinking of kissing another woman while I was with another, but I couldn't stop thinking about her.

That kiss was the last thing I could think of to get her to stay, but what if she did stay? How would that lay out with Tess?

I felt a wave of guilt rush over me. I hated every bit of it, but the more I thought of it, the more I craved her.

Her lips.

Her touch.

Her smile.

Her laugh.

Her scent.

Her.

I sigh and sit up. "You ok, hun?" Tess asks, coming in. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just exhausted is all." I say.

"The days almost over, want me to make you something?" She asks.

"Oh no, no, I'm alright." I smile at her. She smiles back. "Ok, I'm gonna get ready for bed." She says. I nod, and she walks off.

I get up and stretch. I get ready for bed and lay down next to Tess. She cuddles up next to me. I hold her as she falls asleep.

I love her, I really do. But I'll never love her as much as I do with y/n. As much as it hurts to realize..

I miss her.

"Maybe I miss your lovin'. Maybe I miss your kiss just a little bit. Maybe I miss your body lying right next to mine. Maybe I miss your touch a little too much."