An introvert reader. An online writer. A nostalgic short story.
---
An introvert fanboy develops a crush to his favorite online writer, who doesn't even know his existence. Instead of following her on her social media accounts, sending her long swee...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Dear Calliope,
Siguro nga, ang pagsisisi ay laging nasa huli.
Dalawang buwan na simula nang magkita tayo. Dalawang buwan na rin ang lumipas nang makita ko siyang muli. Dalawang buwan ko na ring iniisip kung tama bang hinayaan ko na lang siyang umalis.
Finals namin this week at sabog na sabog ang utak ko sa ngayon. Finally, may book signing ka na rin for your first published book pero hindi ako makakapunta dahil naka-schedule din ‘yon this week. Isa pa, masyadong malayo ang Cebu at siguradong hindi rin ako papayagan ni Mama.
Hindi ko na tuloy alam kung ano ang gagawin ko.
Sabi ni Ate, hindi na rin daw siya pupunta para hindi raw ako magselos. Ayos lang naman sa akin na pumunta siya. Wala namang problema about doon pero alam din kasi naming pareho na hindi papayag si Mama. Pwede kaming pumunta sa kahit saan dito sa Pinas maliban lang sa Cebu.
Nandoon kasi si Papa.
Growing up without a father was really hard. Kahit nabibigay naman din ni Mama ang lahat ng gusto at kailangan namin, parang hindi pa rin buo. Laging may kulang. I was thankful na nandiyan ang stories mo. At least, with them, alam ko kung paano i-handle ang bagay na ‘to. Instead of hating my Dad, I chose to understand him and their situation with Mom.
Our family was already broken but I don’t want anyone of us will stay broken because of that.
Did I just expose one of my secrets? Yes. It was one of my secrets. One of my hidden scars.
Long week of taking final examination has been through but another battle has just started. Sinugod namin sa hospital si Mama dahil sa sakit niya sa puso. Bumisita kasi si Papa sa bahay dahil birthday ko. But what he did was a surprise visit.
My Mom got angry at nagkaroon sila ng pagtatalo dahilan para tumaas ang dugo ni Mama. I don’t want to blame Dad but I can’t help myself from doing it. This time, I chose to understand my Mom. This time, I chose to understand myself, too.
May karapatan naman siguro akong magalit ‘di ba?
At first, nagdadalawang isip akong ipagtabuyan siya. He didn’t deserve to be here, to be on us. At hindi rin deserve ni Mama ang ganito. Siguro nga, malabo na ngang mabuo pa kami bilang isang pamilya. Siguro nga, mahirap nang buoin ang isang bagay na matagal ng sira.
A tight hug is, and sometimes, the best way of saying goodbye.
I remember what you have said the night Ellie hugged me tightly. And I want to do it now with my Dad but my body won’t listen to me. In the end, I let him walk away from us. Again.
“Excuse me, check ko lang po ang pasyente.”
Confused, I turned my vision to the nurse who just spoke. Her voice was too familiar at hindi nga ako nagkamali. It was you, again.
“Mr. Reyes?”
“C-calliope . . . how’s my Mom?”
You explained a lot of things but they just passed through my ears. I was too preoccupied to absorb everything you have just said. Hindi ko na rin namalan na hawak mo na pala ang mga kamay ko. And that made me back to the present.
“Everything will be fine, okay?”
‘Yon na lang ang tanging naintindihan ko sa lahat ng sinabi mo as if it was an assurance. But honestly, it was more than that.
Pagkatapos nun ay nagpaalam ka na dahil may mga room ka pang dapat puntahan. Doon lang din nagsink in sa utak ko ang trabaho mo. I wish, in the future, pwede kong pagsabayin ang mga bagay na gusto kong gawin at ang trabahong pinapangarap ko. You really inspired me to step closer to dream such things.
Kinwento ko naman kay Ate ang lahat ng nangyari pagdating niya galing sa kanyang trabaho. At first, kitang kita sa mukha niya ang inis at galit pero sa huli, kumalma rin siya at mas piniling alalahanin na lang si Mama.
That was the special thing we have in common. That was also the thing that Mom taught to us. We should be always ready to face such circumstances. Na dapat, kung kaya namin, hindi namin dapat pinapairal ang galit sa kahit anong sitwasyon. We need to stay in focus to the things that were more important than to our feelings.
Inutusan naman ako ni Ate na bumili muna ng makakain sa cafeteria nitong hospital. I was hoping na makita kitang muli. I don’t know why but every time na nakikita kong nandiyan ka, everything can be fine. That I can be fine. Just like what happened two months ago.
The time we’ve first met at the coffee shop during the book signing event.
The day you visited to Ate April’s house to attend the party.
The night you said those words during the night market.
And a while ago, saying those words to comfort me.
Just like in movies, there were you again. Walking at the lobby, smiling to every person on your way. Your uniform really fit on you. Ang professional mo talaga tignan sa suot mo ngayon. Kaya siguro gano’n na lang din kalawak ng imahinasyon mo dahil sa trabaho mo. Every day, you met strangers.
I assumed na sa cafeteria ka rin pupunta dahil bigla mong hinawakan ang tiyan mo when you have the time kung kailan sa tingin mong wala nang nakatingin sa’yo.
But I was still there . . . looking at you in amusement.
I was about to approach you but a young guy suddenly approached you first. Parang ka-edad ko lang din siya dahil sa kanyang mga kilos at pananamit. Pero bakit ka niya niyakap? Bakit kayo magkayakap? Child abuse ka ba?
Natatawa na lang ako sa mga iniisip ko. Baka kung nandito rin si Ate, paniguradong pagtatawanan lang niya rin ako dahil sa itsura ko ngayon.
Nang malapit na ako sa kung saan kayo nakatayo ay bigla mo akong nakita at pinansin kahit anong pag-iwas na ang ginawa ko. Wala akong maisip na idadahilan ko para maka-iwas sa inyo kaya mas pinili ko na lang na huminto at finally, tignan ka sa mata.
It was a couple of seconds but it was also enough for me to tell you all the things I really wanted to say. That scene was already perfect until that young man asked you a question but you just smiled to him as your response.
At tumingin ka ulit sa akin. And finally, you introduced him to me.
“Mr. Reyes, this is Hiro,” you stated. “My younger brother. And this is Mr. Reyes, one of my readers.”
And you winked at me. After that, all the words I wanted to you say were left unsaid. Ni hindi ko man lang ipakilala nang maayos ang sarili ko.
