A Fire Of Life

The end of Erick

Writing a small collection of poems about my ex. Sadly dont have the love poem I wrote for him(deleted it out of anger but these poems will portray my feelings and thoughts about After. I will be editing them as I go. So check in every other week! And enjoy!

I thought these feelings would've faded by now
Thought they would've been long gone
Like a cowboy into the setting sun
To my demise they thrive,
covered by distractions and lies
Far back in my mind they're alive
Making me restless and losing my mind
You left me with words unsaid
Apologies and I love you's that died on my lips
This feeling makes my stomach twist
Questioning whether it was real, "did you love me?"
"Why wasnt I good enough? How can I fix it?"
"Will I ever get another chance?"
Repeat repeat and then some
I wish I could take us back to the night this began, the night we met
I'd do everything right, I'd never end up hurting you
Take me back to the night we met
Sitting here haunted by a ghost of you
Back when I had all of you and most of you
Then some and now none of you
These nights are full of terrors
My eyes filled with tears
Stuck between anger and holding on to a version of you I didnt have but did not lose
I know its half my fault but I'm playing the victim
All it took was 1 big fight, a harsh set of words
Rolling of my tongue
Begging and screaming internally to take them back
We are the reckless, a wild youth
Collecting pictures of a lover that went wrong
Some of these lines are from songs
Stuck in your playlist I made until I free them
Pain ringing in my chest thoughts burning through my head
Dreaming and wishing to rewind this time
Bring back what I thought was mine
My happiness, my light through the dark
I've been trying not to think about it
But I cant help it
I know you dont wanna hear from me
But I'm selfish
It amazed me how you moved on so easily
Knew I fell in love years ago
Hoping for my chance that I ending up blowing
Wishing your love for me would've kept glowing
Do you not dream of me?
I have visions in my sleep
I'll spend my whole life hoping your heart is free,
Missing a part of me, a part of me
I think I'm better on my own but I got so lost in you
And I dont ever think I can ever learn to love just right
All my friends said stay but that didnt phase me
I should've washed my mouth with soap
I should've been more careful, gentle, tried to keep the water warm
But uh oh there it went I said too much it overflowed
Why didnt you let me under your skin?
I wanted you to let me in
Open up and accept my love
I pushed and I shouldn't have..
But the days with a word, the silence
My abandonment issues exploded
Leaving a mess
I'm sorry my love I just didnt want to lose you
But I did the one thing I hoped would've never happened
I snapped and left a disaster in my wake
I'm sorry my dear
I let my fear take hold and grabbed on tight
And like sand you fell out of my grip
gotta keep telling myself to just hold on