Julien Baker One-Shots

Panic

The night of the boy's movie premiere for their new album The Record, you found yourself gripping the bathroom sink so tightly, your knuckles were white. Anxiety was coursing through your body. You hated crowds and the thought of paparazzi scared the living hell out of you. But you had to go. Not only to support your girlfriend Julien, but also your two best friends Lucy and Phoebe.

You were still in your robe, hair, and makeup styled perfectly. The black lace dress you were going to wear was hanging on the back of the bathroom door. Anxious thoughts were racing through your head but you were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Baby?" A concerned voice said.

It was Julien. Probably wondering why, it was taking you so long to get changed.

"I'm almost done J." you said.

You closed your eyes, trying to ground yourself. You needed to push these thoughts away and pretend they didn't exist. You sure as hell were not going to ruin this night for the boys.

When you re-opened your eyes, you took a shaky breath, before turning to the dress that was still hanging up. With your shaking hands, you pulled the dress off the hanger and then slipped into it. The dress was off the shoulder and reached about midthigh. You wore small teeth earrings in each ear lobe and your necklace with the letter J.

After opening the bathroom door, your attention returned to the mirror to ensure everything looked okay. You could see Julien come into view behind you. She was eyeing your outfit up and down before coming up from behind, wrapping her arms around your waist. She was wearing her black slacks paired with her black vest. She looked incredible like always.

"You look beautiful my love." She said, giving your shoulder a quick kiss.

You smiled, letting your hand clutch your necklace. You were always good at masking your anxiety. Pushing it down and pretending that it didn't exist. Julien had seen your anxiety at its worst. When you couldn't stop crying and shaking. Anxiety sometimes made you feel like you were sitting in the backseat of your own body.

Julien's phone buzzed in her pocket, which she quickly silenced, turning her attention to see who it was. Her one hand still around your waist.

"Phoebe and Lucy are here." She announced, putting her phone back in her pocket.

You nodded, taking a deep breath.

"You alright sweetheart?" She asked, eyeing you in the mirror.

You turned to face her, nodding. "I'm good."

She looked at you for a moment, almost like she didn't believe you, but she let it slide. Her hand grasped yours, intertwining your fingers. She squeezed your hand before the two of you got your shoes and you grabbed your clutch before the two of you made your way outside.

When you guys got outside, there was a limo waiting. The driver opened the door and Julien let you go first, letting her hand rest on the small of your back. You climbed in next to Phoebe and Julien sat on your other side. Lucy was on the other side of Phoebe.

"You both look amazing." Lucy said, with a wide smile.

You returned the smile, thanking her.

"I think Y/N is the real star of the show." Phoebe said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

You giggled, blushing a bit at the attention.

"She's, my star." Julien said, kissing your cheek.

Lucy felt left out, so she wrapped her arms around the three of you guys.

As you guys pulled up to the event, you could feel your chest get tighter. The anxious thoughts were starting to return. You could see the paparazzi with their bright lights and huge cameras. The screaming fans were sending you into a state of panic.

Breath Y/N.

You can do this.

You have to do this.

When the limo stopped, the door opened, and Julien made her way out first. She held her hand out to help each of you guys out of the car. Once everyone was out, her hand made its way to rest on your lower back. You could barely see where you were going with the flashing lights, but you allowed Julien to guide you as you walked forward. Throughout the film, Julien played with your fingers which eased a bit of your anxiety. You were immensely proud of her and the boys. The film was beautifully put together, and you couldn't help but tear up from how proud you were.

After the film was shown, the boys went up on stage to answer fans' questions. Julien glanced at you throughout the questions, occasionally making a funny face at you, causing you to giggle softly.

When the film premiere was over, the boys and you were invited to an after-party. You could feel the tightness in your chest returning, but you didn't want to ruin the fun, so you pretended you were okay.

At the party, you found yourself sitting on a couch, trying to catch your breath. You felt a panic attack coming on. Your ears were ringing and everything happening around you felt fuzzy. You were startled when you felt the spot next to you on the couch dip. Turning your head, you realized it was Phoebe.

"Y/N are you okay?" Worry was evident in her voice.

You started shaking your head, feeling tears start to form. Your breathing had become uneven at this point.

Quickly you stood up. You needed to leave. Phoebe had also stood up, grabbing your arm. She was talking to you, but you could barely hear her. You pulled your arm from her grasp, making a beeline for the bathroom.

Once inside, you slide down on the wall, hiding your face in your hands. Everything felt overwhelming. The tears started to stream down your face.

The door to the bathroom opened quickly and Julien was rushing in.

"Sweetheart."

Her soothing voice causing you to almost feel embarrassed for feeling like this. She sat on the floor next to you, pulling you to sit between her legs. Her arms wrapping around you like a protective shield.

"Shh, it's okay. Let it out honey. I'm right here."

You clutched her vest tightly, like she was going to disappear. She rubbed your back and let her fingers soothingly run through your hair.

After a bit of time, the panic attack started to subside. You sniffled and Julien wiped away the stray tears. She kissed the top of your head and the two of you sat there for awhile.

"I'm sorry for ruining your fun." You said, keeping your gaze on the floor.

Julien hooked her finger under your chin, turning your head towards her. She let her hand cup your cheek and she looked at you lovingly.

"Sweetheart, you didn't ruin anything. You're more important to me than any party."

You nodded a little. Sighing softly.

"Why didn't you tell me you were anxious?" She asked.

"I didn't want to be a bother."

"Baby, no. You're not a bother. I need to know so that I can help you. You're my entire world."

You played with the collar of her vest.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't need to be sorry. You never need to be sorry for this okay?"

You nodded. "Okay."

"I love you Y/N."

"I love you too Julien."

The two of you decided that it was best to head out. After inviting Phoebe and Lucy back to your guys place, the four of you made a fort in the living room that night. Phoebe turned on a cute Disney film, and you snuggled close to Julien. Letting sleep take over. Safe in her arms.

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Sorry if there's any mistakes. I'm writing this message half awake lol. Hope you enjoyed.

-Belle <3