"Thats enough for me, Stan. I love you." He gave me a striking look, lightning went straight through my heart.
"I am so happy this is happening, Kyle." I give him a weak but very genuine smile,
I just wish he didn't confess this late, he's going to be devastated.
"Will you be at school tomorrow..?" Kyle implied that he wanted me to show up tomorrow.
"I'll try." I observed all the pretty features of him contrasting with my room. How have I gotten this lucky? This late? He nods at me and waves, I wave back but as soon as he leaves I feel a stabbing heartbroken feeling. Although I had my dream come true, I still felt uncomfortably solemn. It was like my brain doesn't even know what it wants, nevermind me.
I sat up for a moment, everything around me putting itself back into place. I don't ever want to return to school, it feels like shit. But, I guess I will try. For Kyle.
For Kyle.
Thursday 7th May 2007
I end up barely making it past my street, but I get there in time to witness Kyle and cartman acting like they normally would and fighting while Kenny snickered. Kyle ran towards me and hugged me, I hugged back.
"That's totally gay you guys ewww!!!"
"Shut up fatass!!!" Kyle scolded, I laugh at the both of them. I did it. I got everything normal again. Didn't I?
I did what I was supposed to..
Then why on earth do I still feel like this?
Is it just torture?
Is this constant dejected feeling just stuck?
I dont know. Im trying.
I walk onto the bus right behind Kyle, and I sit next to him, talking to him and the others as we bunched up on the back together again. I can tell Kyle feels elated, to be back and all. I mean, of course I feel good to be back, it just doesn't come to me. The happiness won't come to me. The bus parks outside of school, and I see Wendy immediately giving me a furious glare, she must still be mad at me.
First lesson - English
Naturally, I dread these lessons, but english just makes me feel a whole mother type of annoyed. As I walk into the classroom everything is so silent it makes my ears violently ring, something about this room is terribly offbeat, is it me? I sit down next to Kyle, feeling each and every persons' stare on my back, it feels like a thousand needles. It was better when the teacher was around, though listening to his atypical, buoyant voice made me want to cover my ears and screech over it.
At the end of lesson, everyone was acting normal again, were they just shocked to see me or something?
I hold Kyle's hand to next lesson, and then to lunch.
Lunch
Its 11:30AM, and I feel sick. I'm not eating today, I can't take it. I cant hear anyone but people are talking overwhelmingly loud. I feel myself leaving my body. Everything is dark.
At home.
Kyle took me home eventually, I end up continuously sleeping it off again, for another month. During that month something happened,
something happened that I will never be able to recover from.
