The Summer Deal

Thirty three - The Bachelor party - part 1

Noah Jordan's POV:

"I have been sleeping on the floor for the past six nights because my future wife hates the way I smell."

Julian raised his cousin's armpit and sniffed it. "You smell good to me, bro," he took another long sniff. "I like it. What are you wearing?"

Dennis took off his glasses, threw them to the side, and rubbed his eyes. "How can I have my wedding night with a woman who feels nauseous when I'm with her?"

"I remember the time when Carol was pregnant," Stephen slurred. He had his head on the floor and his legs resting on the sofa. He took a sip of his whiskey from a blue plastic straw. "She used to get nauseous from my after-shower smell while my sweaty body scent after gym made her horny. One time, I didn't shower for three days but went to the gym two times a day only to satisfy my crazy wife's needs."

"What am I going to do?" Dennis sobbed. "I don't want to sleep on the floor for the next seven months."

Julian kept sniffing his cousin's armpit. "Seriously, what are you wearing?"

"I want a wife," Ed said dumbly, balancing an empty whiskey glass on his stomach. "I want to marry Raven. I asked her last night and she said no."

"I think Sonya wants to break up with me. She said I'm too boring for her." Raymond sniffed and took another glass of shot. "I wanted her to buy a puppy with me."

Then everybody turned to face me.

I blinked in response and blew a party horn on their faces. I had worn a satin sash that said Mr. Vagina with cartoon drawings of vaginas everywhere.

"Let me help you with that," Dennis pulled my nose to remove the horn from my mouth. It didn't work so he pulled my horn from my mouth to remove my nose. Oh no! My nose is gone! I touched it in panic and sighed in relief when I felt my beloved body part perfect in its place. "There you go, Noah," Dennis handed me a glass of whiskey and I drank it like water.

"I don't think Sarah appreciates me as a person in her life. I don't think she appreciates me at all."

"Oh, you poor man," Raymond slurred, then pointed at me. "End it before she calls you boring."

I pouted my lips. "I like her... but I don't know whether she likes me back like the way I like her."

"I like you!" Stephen announced and rolled on the floor, his foot now resting on Raymond's lap. "I like your two mouths, two nostrils, and one eye." He then mumbled something incoherent and squeezed my calf. "I like your muscles. They're so firm and tight. You're very... muscly."

"Somebody find me this man's default settings," Ed slurred loudly and poked my bicep. "No. No. Don't. He's right. You're a very firm and hot-looking guy. I don't see why Sarah won't like you."

I smiled at him lazily. "You like my biceps? You can touch them more if you want." I offered him my arm, and Ed grabbed hold of it like a child who just received his first Christmas gift. "I work very hard for them."

"They're so soft yet so hard-built. They're incredible!"

"I'd let you fuck me in my ass if Sarah doesn't allow you to do hers."

"Awww, really, Stephen?" Moisture tickled my eyes. "That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"So perfect... so hard... so incredible," Ed sighed dreamily and kept touching my biceps. "I want them."

"Tell me what you are wearing, you nerdy little fucker!"

"I'm about to get married in three days and my future wife is already sick of me!"