Our love couldn't go wrong

Chapter Six :

Mentions of previous (emotional) abuse

She's not too sure exactly when she zones back in, but it's at some point in Ian's car on the way back to his place. She doesn't know what happened, really, everything since finishing work is all fuzzy round the edges still, and the thought of that scares her. Anything could've happened to her. And sure, she's no stranger to being hurt, but being completely out of control when it happens, being so helpless...seems so terrifying.

But she's safe.

She's safe. Those are the two words that she keeps repeating to herself, a mantra stuck in a constant loop in her mind as she thoughtlessly clutches the stuffed animal Ian bought for her close to her chest, her fingers locked around the soft fur. It's grounding, the texture comforting to her. She's pretty sure that everyone who works at Smosh is very much aware of the fact that she loves any teddy bear or toy, but none of them tease her for it. Not in a malicious way, anyway.

Ian's voice is another thing that's helping her stay present, as he keeps telling her stories about his childhood and his early Smosh days, occasionally asking her the odd question that's not too complex but hard enough that she actually has to put some thought into it.

"You got a name for them, yet?" He asks, as if on cue, glancing over to her and the stuffed dog. "I'm thinking Wilbur."

It's so random yet so...Ian, and she laughs slightly. What sort of name is Wilbur?

"You know, like the pig from Charlotte's Web? Please don't say you've never seen the film, or even read the book?" He feigns shock, shaking his head in mock disappointment, but the action unlocks something inside of her; a key slotting into its lock and opening up something she'd tried to protect herself from.

"Why the fuck are you crying? God, Courtney, am I really that bad company that you turn into a blubbering mess whenever you're with me? You always fucking do this! What's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry, I-I don't," She gulps between her cries, not knowing what to say, "It's not you, it's me, I don't kn-know what's wrong with me."

His hands smack against the steering wheel and she tenses up, waiting for some sort of impact. It doesn't come. "Damn right, it's you. You're so fucked up, I don't know what I did to deserve this shit. All I've ever done is be nice and put up with everything you put me through, and this is what you do? You know what, Courtney, get out."

She tenses in her seat, grip loosening on the plushy as it falls out of her hands and rolls off of her lap. Eyes shut instinctively, nails digging into her thighs as she tries to stop it. She wants it to stop.

"Court, are you okay? What's happening right now?"

There's that hint of worry that she hates to hear in Ian's voice and she forces her eyes back open, taking a deep breath before even attempting to respond. "I'm fine," She knows he doesn't believe her, "I will be fine, I-I just...remembered something, maybe?"

He cocks an eyebrow and turns his attention back to the road. She knows he's probably going to ask her about it later, but for now he has dropped it and she's grateful, leaning forward to pick her husky up from the footwell. "Besides, I'm too dumb to read children's books unless they've got pictures in," She jokes, pitch slightly higher than usual. She corrects it before continuing, "I'm thinking...maybe Uno? I like the game, and there's only one of him."