Echo

Scared to Live

"Thanks Cali," she nodded, with glitter in her eyes.

"Let's get you guys some food," she put her arm over my shoulder and led me to the cafeteria.

Lincoln thanked us more than once for looking out for everyone. He seemed kind of shaken, like he had been replaying all the possibility that could've happened in his head.Everyone kept saying they were glad we were okay, but I knew Cody wasn't okay. I don't think I am either.

We both sat down with Olli between us and briefly listened to the conversation around the table. I had Olli and I say grace even though I wasn't very hungry.

While everyone was eating, Cody and I hardly even took a bite. It's hard to have an appetite after almost dying and of course the sorrow i'm sure he felt much more than I did.

Seeing Emma, a once bright person, look so dead an dull was awful.  I cant imagine what it'd be like seeing my mom like that. I wish I could do something to fix it but I cant. That's a very common thought since the end started.

Eventually I said goodnight to Olli, and Cody took him to bed. After a while I got up, about to do the same. I said goodnight to everyone else and started to my room.

When I saw Cody through the window, sitting on the bed of a truck with a drink in his hand, I almost kept walking. But something made me walk out of the doors and over to him.

"Hey." I said. He didn't respond. "If you need anything-" I really suck at this.

"No," he shook his head softly. I nodded an turned to go back inside. "Wait. Sorry." he mumbled, I turned around and sat beside him stiffly in silence.

"My mom was the only person who understood me. I shouldn't have stopped looking--if I didn't have such little hope about it maybe she'd still be here. I feel like it's all my fault." He took a drink of what I could now see was whiskey.

"It's not," I said carefully. He scoffed quietly, "I'm serious Cody, it's not your fault. It's easier to numb your thoughts than to have hope. The last thing she'd want is for you to blame yourself."

"She's not here to care though, right?" My heart felt like it was flipped inside out. Why did that one sentence make me feel so blank and sad. Maybe because I believe my parents are in heaven, I really do.

"That's not fair."

"Nothings fair, Echo. Get used to it."

"Olli cares, everyone here cares. Even I care... Don't let go of caring or you'll be like them," I said motioning to the few walkers gnawing on the gate. Minus the face falling off but other than that; spot on analogy Echo.

"I'm not scared to die but its like-"

"--Your kinda... scared to live?" I asked knowingly.

"My mom always said it takes more to live then to die," he said after a second of thought. "I thought it was just some stupid poetry. But now I think about it all the time."

"The scariest part about living, is caring. But that's also what gives life meaning. Maybe it takes more to live, because giving up is too easy," I said staring at my swinging legs.

"God, you sound like my mom, stop it." I chuckled at him and he smirked, taking the last drink out of the bottle. I looked up at the stars and realized this place wasn't so bad. Everyone's broken but they get to be broken together. It's oddly beautiful.