secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[68]

Dinah: Lea are you feeling better?
Lea: I am :) thanks Dinah. sorry for worrying you guys
Lea: I have news though!! Dems and Naya surprised me with a holiday to Malibu omfkjgjfh !!!
Normani: WOAH THAT'S SO COOL OMG
Dinah: GIRL U LUCKYYY
Ally: wow!!
Lea: yeah its crazy!! we're leaving tmrw morning.
Lea: it's gonna be like a spa thing like relaxation because we've been working so hard
Lea: and i don't think i'll be using my phone you know?
Normani: yeah!! that's totally understandable! when are u gonna be back?
Lea: Monday morning
Lea: i'm gonna put my phone on airplane mode when i get there lol
Dinah: ok!! have fun! send us lots of photos we wanna see!!
Ally: stay safe, have fun!!
Normani: have fun!!!
Lea: thank you i love u guys :)

I couldn't help but notice that, conveniently, Camila and Lauren weren't on the chat. immediately, that sent my mind reeling, imagining the things they could be doing instead. watching a movie together, kissing again, Camila making food for Lauren, Lauren talking to Camila like she used to talk to me. writing together, drawing together, walking together. kissing, making out, disappearing behind closed doors. giggling, Camila burying her head in Lauren's shoulder. Lauren braiding Camila's hair like she used to braid mine. being together. KISSING.

letting out a frustrated groan, I curled up into a small ball and squeezed my eyes shut. there was a dull ache in my chest where my heart was, and I sighed, pressing my palms onto my eyelids. my phone buzzed once and lit up, making me roll over and pick it up. I unlocked the device before I even saw who had texted me.

Lauren: Lea, have fun in Malibu! take care of yourself, and enjoy, okay? I love you.

no, you don't. you love Camila.

Lea: thank you lolo :)
Lea: goodnight
Lauren: goodnight ♡

with that, I tossed my phone aside, grabbing the pillow nearest to me and screaming into it. then I got up and paced around, clenching and unclenching my fists. a knock sounded on my door, and I spun around, hiding my hands behind my back.

"hey," Demi said softly as she entered. "it's late. you've had a long day, sweetie."

I nodded, swallowing, my throat now starting to hurt from the scream. "yeah," I croaked, wincing. Demi would definitely be able to tell that something was wrong.

Demi furrowed her brows. "are you sick?"

"no," I denied, way too quickly. I cleared my throat. "no. I think I just need some rest."

she nodded slowly, coming over to give me a hug. "okay. goodnight, sweetheart. get some rest. come to us if you need anything, okay? I love you."

I hugged her back, resisting the urge of just breaking down in her arms. "g-goodnight, Demi."

after she left the room, I crawled into bed, feeling defeated, and lonely. 24 hours ago I'd been too pumped to sleep, impatient to see the girls again. and now I would do anything to avoid them.

rolling over and ducking into the mass of blankets, I felt my nose begin to sting and my eyes watering. curling up into a tiny ball, I buried my head into my knees, feeling the tears begin to wet my skin. I tried to curl up tighter, smaller, maybe so small that somehow my bed would open up and swallow me and I'd never have to wake up again.

I must've stayed like that for half an hour, feeling my heart clench and unclench with every beat and my throat burning, my eyes watery and nose running. I turned my pillow over, not wanting to sleep on the wet patch my tears left on the pillow. then I tried to get comfortable, tossing this way and that, kicking my blankets off and pulling them back on.