secrets ↠ demi lovato / 5h

[66]

so that was the uneasy feeling I'd felt earlier, when Camila left. that was it.

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Lauren's POV

I let my hands fall from Camila's face as we parted, my lips feeling the lack of contact almost immediately. I reached up to touch my lips, Camila letting out a nearly fragile breath.

it wasn't right.

this wasn't right.

I'd just kissed Camila, the first girl I'd ever loved. and she'd kissed me back. from the first time I saw her on The X Factor and instantly wanted to get to know her, to the girl I'd cried thousands of tears for and wore my heart on my sleeve for. the girl I wrote about in my journal and pressed flowers on the same page for. the girl I stayed up thinking about, the girl whose mind I found so beautiful that I would've given anything to be privileged enough to see everything that went on inside it. the girl who dominated my every thought and plagued my very existence, whose touch I craved and lips I desired to feel on mine. I'd never felt such an attraction to one person before she came along, the girl whose touch once brought fire to my skin and a blaze in my eyes.

the girl I thought I loved.

but now there was nothing. I didn't feel anything. the fireworks I'd expected never came, and the rush of emotion I was anticipating failed to make an appearance. what I thought was an irrevocable love for Camila had gone. it wasn't there anymore, even though I thought it was, and the kiss just confirmed it all.

"d-did you feel anything?" Camila asked in a barely audible whisper, her voice disappearing at the end of the sentence.

I knew we were both thinking the same thing. if one of us said yes and the other said no, it was going to be complicated.

finding my voice, ignoring the tingling on my lips she left behind, I said, "let's count to three and say yes or no. and I'll need you to be honest. I'm going to be honest. don't be scared of hurting me, okay? yes or no. ready?"

Camila nodded, looking terrified. before I could start the countdown, she spoke again. "Lauren... no matter what happens after this, you're still my best friend, okay?"

I felt my facial features soften, as I nodded. "you're my best friend too, Camila."

a short pause, before I took a deep breath.

"1... 2... 3."

"no."

both of our voices hung in the air, before I felt my face break out in a relieved smile, Camila doing the same.

"Camila..." I didn't manage to finish my sentence before my throat clenched and I felt tears building up in my eyes. I felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off my chest, as I exhaled shakily. Camila smiled, proudness in her expression and tears in her eyes. she leaned forward again and pulled me into a hug, holding me tight. we stayed there for a while, both of us crying silently. not tears of sadness, but of relief and happiness.

"Camz," I started again, struggling to pull back. "I have to tell you something."

"wait," she said softly. "just hang on. you don't have to do it now. you're still crying, Lolo."

realizing she was right, I complied. we remained like that for a while until my breathing became regular again and the tears had stopped. "I want to tell you something," I said. this time, Camila let go of me and reached out to wipe my eyes.

"okay."

"Camila, I'm so gay. I like girls. and I thought I had the biggest crush on you for the past few months. I-I thought I loved you, and I thought I'd always wanted you to feel the same. but I kissed you, and..."

"it's not there," Camila finished for me. I nodded. "I know what you mean, Lolo. and it's okay. and I'm so proud of you for telling me that you're gay. I know it's not easy and I'm so, so proud of you."

smiling gratefully, I pulled Camila into another hug.

"to be honest," Camila said. "I had the biggest crush on you too. on The X Factor and for the past month. I've been thinking about telling you for a while now, but it was either never the right time or I chickened out. I was worrying about it today."

"really?" I asked in disbelief as we pulled back. "is that why you wanted to come back here after the performance?"

she nodded. "yup. and you came in here, so that's why I thought today was a good time to tell. I'm glad I got to kiss you, though. you're a good kisser."

heat rushed to my cheeks and I rolled my eyes. "I came in here because I was thinking about it too," I told her.

she smiled. "so both of us weren't really feeling sick?"

"nope."

we looked at each other for a while before bursting out in laughter.

"wait, Lolo," Camila said. "I wanna tell you something too'

"what is it?"

the scared expression returned to her face again, making me sit back down on the couch next to her. "hey, it's okay," I said, holding her hand. "you can tell me anything."

"I'm bi," Camila blurted out. "I'm bi." with that, tears began to fall freely down her cheeks again, as she repeated in a whisper, "I'm bi." blinking back tears, she smiled. "god, it feels good to say that out loud."

smiling proudly, I held up my hand for her to high five. she did so, giggling as she wiped her eyes.

"Lo?"

"yes?"

"this probably seems really weird, and I know we both said we don't feel that way anymore, but can I kiss you again?"

without answering her, I pulled her in for a second kiss. this one was longer and less apprehensive than the last one, both of us taking the chance to confirm that we didn't feel anything, to cease the questions and quench the desire. both of us knew that this was the last kiss we'd ever have.

when we finally separated, Camila smiled gratefully at me. "thank you, Lauren. thank you for being so understanding."

"no, thank you too, Camila. I'm so proud of you. we're gonna make it, okay?"

"okay. can we not tell anyone until I'm ready?"

"of course. I don't feel ready, either. come on," I said as I began to stand up and pick her phone up. "let's go back to the girls. I don't want them to worry."

Camila nodded, and I placed the tiniest kiss on her forehead before bending down to grab my phone from the couch. the message displayed on my screen made my heart plummet, resulting in an involuntary gasp.

"what happened?" Camila asked, trying to peer over my shoulder to see.

"Lea's missing."

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A/N:

WOAHWOAHWOAH so much happened in this chapter omg

i'm so sorry but you guys' comments on last chapter were so funny to read - all of them made me laugh. it's evil and i'm sorry but i'd always planned for camren not to be a thing, so this was kind of closure for them.

but that means that out of two ships (Camren and Learen), Camren is not going to happen, so is Learen going to happen or is someone else going to come between them?

xoxo