Rise Up

Chapter 51: Maybe?

"Can I give you my point of view?" He asked, when my head fall on his lap, laying down on his legs while he was still brushing my hair in such a gentle way that I could fall asleep.

"Are you going to tell me that I'm a selfish, egocentric brat bitch?" I asked back, staring in his blue eyes.

"Did he say so?!" He almost shouted astonished.

"No, not really. Not with these exact words at least."

"Kiara..." He sent me a warning look, the same he was used to directed me when angry for the race I wanted to jump the interviews, hiding in our Prema garage, back in our two seasons in Formula 3.

"I'm not taking sides in any of this, just to be clear. But- I mean- have you ever thought that maybe it's a good thing? It means that he's truly in love with you, at the point that he chose a house to share his whole life with you."

Like a little spoiled child, I turned around on my side, now facing the sea and not him.

"I've got your point, very well. After all the problem you guys have been through, you should know how much important is communication. He could have asked you and all but, would have you said yes then?"

I pulled myself up, staring at him again.

"What are you insinuating?"

"Nothing, nothing. It's just that- maybe, I repeat maybe, you're scared of letting you enjoy all these good emotions, things and moments. Maybe you just don't feel ready to make such a big step, because let's be honest it really is scary, 'cause you don't feel ready to face the fact that finally your life is giving you a whole new second chance. Kiara, let's not hide behind a finger. You survived a mortal accident, you've recovered more than expected, you've found back your job, indeed even a better one. You're living your dream. You're a freaking Formula 1 driver, in a quite good team and you're also performing well! You found the time also to study and- how many exams are left? Two? Then you'll be an engineer! Can you believe it? And what else? Hmm, oh, yes. You have a boy that is completely, deeply, unconditionally, in love with you, I still wonder why..." I punched his arm now. "Ouch! No need to be violent. Anyway, I was saying... Everything you've ever dreamed of is in your hands now, it's up to you how to play."

"And how should I play, huh? Arth, I don't even know what I'll do once the season is over. I miss two exams and I don't even know when I'll give them. I had another surgery and only God knows if it'll be the last one. And about Lando... we're together for less than an year and we've experienced all the problems that a normal couple would live in a whole lifetime."

"You're a fighter, Kiara. You've always been. Remember when you discussed with the marshals at that race when they gave you a stupid penalty because of track limits, when you didn't even touched them? You screamed at them that much that they were actually scared of you. You've always fought for what you care, for your rights, for the people you love. Why are you stopping now?"

"I'm not quitting, it's just- Argh, what a mess. Arth, I'm a mess, that's the truth, I-"

"No, you're wrong. You're just scared of being happy. Kiara, let yourself free. Enjoy it all, be happy, live your life freely. You can't miss all of this just because you're scared of what it may or not come later. Trust me, I know how much an ass the fate is, giving you all and then taking it away a second later, but it's not always like this, not always for you."

I was trying my best to suppress the flowing tears but seeing him like this, sat with his legs crossed in the middle of a random port, trying to help me deal with myself, was melting my heart.

"What would you do if you were me?"

"I can't answer this." He said with a big smile and moving his hand left and right.