Rise Up

Chapter 37: The Best For Me

I had two weeks before the Australian GP. 

I left Jeddah alone and flew back home, to my parents. I needed some peace, a quiet place where I could relax, actually rest. Mike came a few days later and we started some easier trainings. After he heard what happened that night, he was more worried than ever.

After another check up at the private clinic where I was in treatment, this time with Mike on my side, the doc repeated me how much important it would be to have another implantation of staminas.

I needed help to think about what to do. Having now the surgery, even if it's a small one, would mean miss at least a race, as it's necessary to get some rest after it. I couldn't have it now but I knew that I needed it at the same time. It was a hard decision.

Before flying to Melbourne I decided to have a long session with Hannah, not virtually on a video call or whatever, but in person. That's why I took the first flight to London to reach her studio. During the pandemic and the recovering, it was impossible for me to go there, but now it was for the best. A session face to face with a therapist will definitely help.

"Kiara, you came!" Hannah was a bit surprised when I entered her office and took a seat on the comfortable couch in front of her. She had every rights to believe I wouldn't come here as I jumped some of the last sessions lately.

"Hi, Hannah. Listen, first of all I'd like to apologize to you for the short notice of my visit."

"No need to apologize. I've told you thousand times that my doors will be always opened for you. Let me just ask you why are you here though. You declined the last calls, I thought you were more than ok with it. What brings you here? It must be important, am I right?"

Through these years even if she saw me in person just a few times, she learned all my habits. The way I bite the inside of my cheek when I'm nervous, or how I bounce up and down my good leg when I'm worried, how much my hands are usually sweaty. But not just these, she understood me completely, all my complexed personality was like an open book for her.

"I'm in a big mess, Han."

"And why's that? Let's start from the beginning, ok?"

As soon as I started telling her about the events of the last weeks, I realized how much I needed this, talking with someone who could listen and don't judge me. Opening up with her was the easiest way to release all the bad thoughts that filled my mind.

I told her about the first races, what the doctor told me, my worries about it, the messy night I had and the stupid fight with Lando. Speaking of him, he tried several times to contact me. My phone kept vibrating for calls and texts all day till now, but I've always ignored it.

Hannah took some notes on her small notebook, maybe because I was talking faster than my racing car. She had to follow me in all the mess I was in, it wasn't easy I guess.

"Ok, so in other words, you're worried for your career. But what I can't really understand is why did you spout back at Lando? He was jealous, I got it, but I can't blame him. He was waiting for you, you didn't show up or even respond to him, then he found you half naked with another guy. Strong relationships are based on full trust and we both know you have to work on this, above all 'cause everything is new for you."

"I don't know." I sighed loudly, passing a hand in the hair. "Maybe I yelled at him only because I was angry, angry with myself, not really with him."

"And why's that again? It is not your fault if you need another surgery."

"I know this too but- argh. Why do I feel so..."

"Scared?"

Hannah suggested but was I really scared? Another surgery, another risk for my leg and life in general, another wasted chance for my career, another delusion.