Rise Up

Chapter 1: First Day

Maybe it's time for me to get out of this stupid car. I've been in his parking slot for almost half an hour, I should really stop my flow of thoughts and do something, like go to work, for example.

Work, it's unbelievable. Me. At work. Here in Hungary. During the weekend of the Grand Prix.

I read for the last time the target with the name in front of my car: Yuki Tsunoda. He disappeared all of a sudden because of "a personal problem", that's all we know- or at least that's all his team said at the media pen on Thursday.

I grab my bag and the rest of my belongings on the passenger seat next to me, where till a few minutes ago, Susanne- my manager- was sat, before starting a long session of lots of phone calls, apparently to tell the whole world that I was here for real. I get out the car with my stuff and a big blank space on my mind: am I really doing this?

After almost two years, fighting mostly with myself- and my family, to be completely honest- I'm back at racing, and this time in Formula 1. Who would believe this? Not me, for sure. I keep repeating myself that I'm just a reserve driver, but I can't stop my excitement to suggest my ego a rhetoric question- but what if...?

Let's be honest, I'm a reserve driver for the RedBull team just because my contract with them wasn't over after my very bad crash in Formula 2 in 2019. They gave me a big opportunity with the pre-season test and then, suddenly, they asked me to sign as their reserve driver, not because they really wanted me, but more because "who knows what the future could bring you?"- as they kept saying to me for a few weeks before our meeting in Milton Keynes at the beginning of the year.

And now? Now I'm in Hungary, ready for the GP where I'm supposed to drive for the Alpha Tauri team, without even have tried their car once. But the real question alias problem is: am I really ready after all I went through?

"Excuse me Miss, if you don't have the paddock pass, you can't enter.". Okay, I definitely walked till the entrance of the track as a zombie, without hearing a sound apart from my own voice in my head- I should really stop overthinking this much.

"Oh, ehm, yes. I know." I tried to laugh but all what came out of my mouth was random whispered words without any sense.

Take a big breath and retry.

"I have my pass just here in my bag, just give me a sec- oh here it is. Ehm, I just have to scan it right?". Before hearing an answer, the strange machine in front of me made a beep and I saw a green light meaning it basically worked. "Oh, that was easy. Anyway, thanks and have a good day!".

Ok, I'm in. No returning point anymore.

I feel people's gaze on me but I want to think that it's just a stupid impression and nothing more. I don't stop walking, I don't dare looking around more than necessary to not bump into others, but actually I don't know where to go and I've completely lost Susanne.

If I was a drama queen more than I already am, I'd start thinking that I'm a desperate lonely girl, in a foreign country, who doesn't know what to do anymore with her life- but the truth is other.

I was used to smaller paddock in F2, being now here is a bit overwhelming. I accepted this job because I really wanted to make a difference in my pathetic life. I grow up racing, first with the karts and then in these giant beauties, from Formula 4 to 2 where my career sadly stopped due a serious crash, that destroyed not just my opportunity to get promoted in F1 but also my self-confidence, with I still struggle now.

But hey- look at me now: with my helmet in one hand and a paddock pass in the other one, ready to challenge myself and came back to my normale life.

I have to admit that finding the AT hospitality wasn't that difficult, so here I am in front of it, still alone but at least at my destination.

Shall I walk in or should I wait for someone here?

I'll just enter because this amazing sunny day is roasting me like a turkey on the Thanksgiving day.

As I entered, I gasped a little at the cool air from the conditioning system and I smile to myself, closing my eyes just for a second, enjoying that my cheeks are finally cooling down. As soon as I reopened my eyes I found, in front of me, Susanne with a tablet, her phone and some papers in her hands and a huge grin on her face.

"Finally you're here, I thought you were still chickening out in the car! C'mon girl, they're all waiting for you!".

All... who exactly?

She put her free arm on my shoulder friendly.

"Kiara, I know you're nervous, but there's no need to. After all you were the one so happy to get this opportunity just a few hours ago, so fuck off all your stupid self-destroying thoughts and let's go enjoy this weekend. Remember: it's just a GP, you're here in order to show yourself that you're finally ready to go back living completely your amazing past life, doing the thing you love the most!".

While I listen to her words, I can't do anything but smile- she's my manager as I said, but not just this. I met her back in my second year in F3, while I was still with Prema Racing Team and she was my first real manager ever, replacing my dad. After the accident she was basically jobless, however she didn't leave my side neither a second, even after I asked her to.

After the good prep-talk that looked like last at least an eternity, we reached a door where I supposed I'm about to know the team and have a meeting, that I just hope will not be too long cause I really need something cool to drink- and I really need a moment to realise what I'm gonna do these days.

I met almost everyone, from Franz Tost- the boss- to my French teammate Pierre, that seemed to be not that happy to see me even if we don't know each other at all. Then I was presented to all the mechanics, the guys from the media team and obviously to the engineers, in particular Fred, my own race engineer- he seemed ok, quite funny to be honest.

After a few hours there, greeting people and being welcomed, it was time to get back to work, as the second free practice session was about to start, but I couldn't get in the car yet because of some papers and logistic stuff that I have to take care first. With just Franz, Fred and Susanne by my side, I felt more relaxed and I was almost starting to enjoy the feeling of being back at the track.

The session was now over, the paddock a bit less full and more quiet and I was finally let alone in my driver's room. I can't believe what has just happened. They gave me the suit and all the equipment that I'll need tomorrow morning for the third FP and of course the qualifying, my helmet was shining on a table side and I was lying on my beautiful blue couch, staring at the ceiling, not thinking at anything.

After this frenetic day, I deserve something to drink- no alcohol of course, I'm still in a paddock after all, but maybe a fresh lemonade or whatever could be at the temperature or the Arctic region.

I got out of my room with all my stuff, I waved and said hello to some employees I met on my way out and I texted Suz my destination. Before really going out of the hospitality, I asked a girl from the media team, where I could go for a drink, because I didn't want to get lost or attire more attention on me.

Then I reached my paradise spot- a small cafe down the paddock- and I ordered an iced coffe that I drank on my way back to my hotel.