Our Ordinary Lives

Chapter 1 - Bus encounter

Some of my thoughts must have shown on my face as the girl besides me was looking at me with a mix of worry and curiosity. How long has she been looking at me? I glanced towards her and saw a smile on her face that would make most boys my age blush. But I saw something else, a manufactured look, similar to my poker face. It looked forced, or practiced was she perphaps an actor? An idol?

Seeing that I was looking at her, she quickly changed her face to be one that was more cheerful, hiding any indication that she had been feeling anything other than that emotion. Interesting, she seems good at adjusting herself quickly. Her forced smile wasn't one of resentment or anger, no it was one attempting to be normal, one of someone who knew how to please everyone tey could. After a quick thought I saw no malice in her actions, and decided to respond with my own forced smile. I'm not entirely sure if anything changed though, its been years since I last tried to smile so nothing might have changed at all.

Ai: "Ohayo!"

Ai POV

Its been some time since my official debut as an idol. I've dedicated myself tirelessly to perfecting my public image for the sake of my fans. Every smile every word is planned and practiced. I need to become someone that everyone can love, I need to become someone that is worth living. The phrase "I love you" feels hollow and insincere, repeating it has made me forget its importance. This mask I've made for myself helps me forget about what I am, that I don't feel anything. Love is such as foriegn concept to me, I went into the idol buisness hoping that I would learn its meaning. I can't help but feel guilty for constantly lying to my fans and portraying a persona just for a selfish goal of mine. It's a terrible realization for me to know that I am incapable of experiencing genuine love. I truly am pitiful and undeserving.

Nevertheless, as an idol, my main purpose is to bring happiness to others. That is what matters, or at least, what I must believe. Making others happy becomes my sole focus, even if it means suppressing my own feelings and presenting a carefully crafted facade. The inner emptiness I feel inside must remain hidden, buried beneath the smiles and performances that I deliver to my adoring fans.

Then why am I on a bus going towards Tokyo Metropolitan Advanced Nurturing High School? I don't know. The last few month leading up to my decision has seemed more of a dream than reality to me. I still can't believe I decided to take a break from the idol scene. What were my Maybe I just want to be someone normal, someone who doesn't stand out. Maybe I want to learn how it feels to not have to make others happy. Maybe I want to find out who I am, to learn to love.

I applied to this school with the thought that I would definetly be rejected. I mean, what decent school would allow someone like me to join. I wasn't the most academicly gifted person and there were definetly people who deserved the spot more than me. I don't think I did well on the entrance exam, and I'm sure that the interview wasn't amazing either. So when I was accepted I didn't know what to do. I'd spent all my life trying to be someone that others could love, would I be allowed to do something for myself just this once?

When I finally decided I wanted to attend, I made it my goal to live a normal life. I don't want to stand out, I want to be viewed as a normal person. Once I graduate I know that the Idol life will be waiting for me again so I might as well spend this time isolated from the outside world enjoying some me time. It's perfect. The hardest part of the whole ordeal was telling my fans about my decision. When I announced that I would be taking a three year leave for my education, I could almost see the murderous intent in some of the posts online. Even now on my way to ANHS, I'm wearing a disguise hoping no one recognises me as an idol. I'm lucky that my company and fellow idols were so supportive of me. I don't deserve any of them, any of my fame, any of m-